Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

Former Member

i hate myself. i dont wana carry on anymore im sick of it all. i wish more than anything that i could stop caring about my family and stuff; im only living for other people. i cant see anyway out of it except death. no one understands or cares.im so isolated.i hate myself.

Former Member

You'd be surprised how many people find themselves in a similar place. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel?

Former Member

No, really dont wana talk to her, couldnt say it outloud

Former Member

Click to see more wrote:

A day will come and you'll realise that you're not winning any more. You'll not be able to remember the last time you cut, nor the last time you wanted to cut. At which point, you've won

Roll on that day!
But until then... I'm good, and I'm getting there.

Former Member

dancin_k8i wrote:

No, really dont wana talk to her, couldnt say it outloud

Why don't you write it down then? I always do that when I go to the dr's, otherwise I forget little things, and is sometimes easier, e.g. with womens problems.

Former Member

Thanks but i really dont want to tell her anything

Former Member

Is it less real if you don't say it out loud?

It took me months, and I really do mean months, to accept that I was depressed even after diagnosis by my doctor. I'd wake up and feel fine one day, and think that I was just making a big fuss over nothing. Other days I'd feel like I was really in the pits of shit, and couldn't face going outside, let alone to go and see someone about my problems.

Depression isn't a failure on your part. Sometimes we just need a little help finding the right direction. A trusted medical professional can be a big help with it .

Sometimes a stranger can be a help, too. Because you can say anything about anyone, and their opinion doesn't matter in the slightest. They've no idea who you're on about...

You're welcome to PM me, if you like. You can say anything you want .

Former Member

Thanks, yeah its not real if i dont say it outloud. i'd be ok about seeing someone proffessional but i dont know who?!

Former Member

I went to see my doctor. I found him to be very kind and considerate, he discussed various options with me regarding sleeping tablets, anti-depressants, excercise, etc, etc. He was also able to put me on to a good counsellor and psychologist.

If you feel awkward discussing such things with your regular doctor, you could always ask to see a different one in the same practice? Sometimes it is easiest to talk to someone you'll probably never see again .

Former Member

dancin_k8i wrote:

Thanks, yeah its not real if i dont say it outloud. i'd be ok about seeing someone proffessional but i dont know who?!

It took me three appointments to be reffered to the help that I needed, all three were with Dr's, none of them my actual Dr. I was refered to a counsellor on the 2nd appointment, but I was kinda going down hill drastically, so saw the Dr. again. I found all three Dr's very helpful and understanding.

Former Member

your-babe wrote:

Anyways... I actually feel ok, no self harm in nearly 3months, lost track of when the last cut was, can't be arsed to keep counting anymore tbh.
Life is going ok. For once. Counselling is a bitch though. Like the counsellor, just hate her questions, how she refers to me as being 'depressed', how the questions are asked, the depth in which I'm meant to answer her. And how I only have 5 sessions left with her, 5 SESSIONS?! Like that's gonna be enough! Still seeing Additional Support though, and am really finding them useful. Just want to stand on my own two feet though, I mean if my friends can make it through exams, revision etc, then why the hell can't I?

I'm not 'depressed' as the councillor calls it, I'm just struggling in life with myself.

Well done for getting this far! You really seem to be getting on top of it! I just want my exams done and over with so I can relax, the pressure is starting to send me a bit loopy. I'm getting on for four months now and as click said about starting again, it should really be seven as I really shouldn't have slipped up in January. All I need to do know is get my relationship sorted out (which is another post all of its own!) and I might just get there.

Former Member

Heh, for the first time in years, I feel like I'm going to be ok.

Former Member

Infinite wrote:

Heh, for the first time in years, I feel like I'm going to be ok.

:yippe: that's great Infinite. Happy forya :thumb:

Former Member

Infinite wrote:

Heh, for the first time in years, I feel like I'm going to be ok.

:thumb: That's brilliant!

Former Member

Sorry to be letting stuf out here, agen. so i tried to take an overdose of paracetmol last night. Bloody waste of time; had no physical effect at all expect making me feel like :yuck:
And nothings changed if anything everythings just got even worse. woopee :yippe: .

Former Member

dancin_k8i wrote:

Sorry to be letting stuf out here, agen. so i tried to take an overdose of paracetmol last night. Bloody waste of time; had no physical effect at all expect making me feel like :yuck:
And nothings changed if anything everythings just got even worse. woopee :yippe: .

(hug)

Hey... I know you probably don't need me to tell you this, but if you really intend on self harming some way, -please- don't take paracetamol again. Even if the effects appear minimal at the time, there can be long term liver damage effects. Also, you can never determine how your body will react to drugs.

Take it out on a pillow next time?

I apologise so much if I sounded patronising in anyway! I really don't mean to!

Former Member

dancin_k8i wrote:

Sorry to be letting stuf out here, agen. so i tried to take an overdose of paracetmol last night. Bloody waste of time; had no physical effect at all expect making me feel like :yuck:
And nothings changed if anything everythings just got even worse. woopee :yippe: .

Don't try stuff like that again, believe me it's not worth it and I know I woke up in an hospital after having an OD of pills and I'm glad I miss because even when everything seems wrong and not worth it, it is, it is more than you can imagine...

I don't know what your problems are specifically, but believe me they are not worth doing that for... Even my problems at the time that were losing my baby, having my wife go mental and leave me and all that shit, I realised it was really not worth it...

When you feel like that come in here, post, post anything that will keep yur mind of thing, call some friends, msn there is no shame in asking for help specially when your life is on the line...

Life is precious even if it doesn't seems like it all the time, sometimes it's really hard but you have to keep on fighting the urges and get through you will only end up being stronger at the end...

Hang up in there, it will get better...

Former Member

haha god i was such an idiot to think that any one would be there to listen to me if I needed them lol

Former Member

Gavman wrote:

haha god i was such an idiot to think that any one would be there to listen to me if I needed them lol

is it a joke or do you have something that need listening, cos if so go ahead, atm I a here...

Former Member

dancin_k8i wrote:

Sorry to be letting stuf out here, agen. so i tried to take an overdose of paracetmol last night. Bloody waste of time; had no physical effect at all expect making me feel like :yuck:
And nothings changed if anything everythings just got even worse. woopee :yippe: .

*Hugs*. Don't apologise for letting stuff out, this is what this thread is for. I've been feeling extremly low at times, and have posted on here, almost as a cry for help, and it's helped me, the support and knowledge that people have given me is amazing... ok, I've gone off mesage a bit, but sweetie, people are here for you, if u want to chat anytime, I can PM you my MSN address, I'm on there most nights.

Take care.

Former Member

Thanks everyone.xxxx

Former Member

This isn't so much on the lines of depression but...

Pessimism. I'm a born pessimist. It's just what I am. I always tend to see the darkside of something. When everything's going great, I always want and need to have something to stress or worry about, because I'm used to feeling this way. But I don't want things to be like that.

Why do I force myself to be upset about something? Surely that's not healthy? Is there some kinda name for that? Or is it just unfortunate? And a bit fucked up?

Former Member

First exam this morning. 3 questions I needed to come up and none of them did. Got another exam tomorrow morning but I can't get my head around studying for it. I tried but all it did was cause frustration, which I took out on my arm. So now I still can't get my head around studying and I hurt. Smart choice there, eh?
Bah...It's too late to do anything about it now.

Former Member

I'm just done with my exams. I had my last one yesterday, but I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. I almost made a big slip up before it.

I know it's hard, but it's important to do your best and concentrate. If the stress is getting too much, take the time out to read a book for half an hour, watch some television that'll cheer you up, or do something that isn't related to your studies. Once you feel better, return back to what you need to do with a clear mind.

Good luck with the rest of your exams

Former Member

I got a bit more done. Still not incredibly confident but it's not the end of the world.
Thanks for the luck and I hope you get the results you want

Former Member

gav i wish you'd tx me
feeling really messed up.bein stupid. destroying everything ive changed

Former Member

Bollocks. Comes. To. Mind.

Too stressed out. Wish I'd have done more revision. Wish I could cut, just NEED to. Am fed up of pretending to friends I'm fine when I feel like this. Am fed of feeling like shit tbh.

Former Member

This time of year sucks for people and exams and stuff.

But just keep it in mind that really you don't ~need~ to cut. If you can find an alternative you know that you can stop yourself. You just need to do some convincing.

Also, there's no need to pretend to your friends that you're fine. Everyone deserves to let people know how they feel. And your friends will be there for you, even just for a hug to help.

We're all here for you too! :yes:

Former Member

IWishIWas wrote:

This time of year sucks for people and exams and stuff.

But just keep it in mind that really you don't ~need~ to cut. If you can find an alternative you know that you can stop yourself. You just need to do some convincing.

Also, there's no need to pretend to your friends that you're fine. Everyone deserves to let people know how they feel. And your friends will be there for you, even just for a hug to help.

We're all here for you too! :yes:

Thankyou, have calmed down a little, but will prob just go to bed tbh, can't get urges then. Part of me just WANTS to cut, but is confusing it with needing to cut, I know I don't need to, I've coped for the past 3 months without it, but sometimes I just think back to when I did it, how good it made me feel, and have trouble snapping out of it.

Former Member

Urrgh, I need a avoidance tactic that dosent involove stuffing my face. God knows how many calroies I've had this week, I've done fuck all revision and it looks like I might be single again quite soon. :banghead: