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God, how naive I must be...
I'm actually sat here, and I'm sorry that I don't harm myself. I'm sorry to everyone who does - because I don't, and therefore I could never understand
I didn't want to leave the post without writing something, I'm just not sure what it was I wanted to write...
Don't be so harsh on yourself. Many self-harmers hide the fact they do it, some also don't think its a big deal either. Anyway hopefully seeing this thread has made you understand more.
xxx
By not making some crap joke or barbed, self-righteous comment, you've shown far more understanding than virtually everyone else who doesn't do this
I understand everything, that others posted, that do self-harm because I do it myself. It is a lot less now then it used to be when I was younger. Even a lot less then it was like 3-4 years ago.
I used to do it every day and if not every day, every other day and it became a big part of my life, but now I seem to have a bit more control over it then I did before and know better ways of helping myself not to do it and how to use other coping skills when I get depressed, sad, and everything inbetween.
I know this will haunt me and many other, I'm sure, for the rest of my life and others' lives.
It is a bad obsession, that so many people, seem to use to be able to cope with things in life and the only thing any of use, self-harmers, can do is to try to find the help to be able to get us through all this crap.
I don't especially know what to write though its nice to know I am not alone in self harming my boyfriend thinks its a big deal and often calls me unstable for doing it i guess its just my way. I've been doing it since i was 14 i've used compasses, pieces of glass, scissors and now progressed to razor blades. I got so desperate late one night in town after a fight with my boyfriend went to a newsagent and brought some disposible razors and hacked up my wrist. I have scarred words on my legs and my cuts and scars on my arms mean i can't wear anything thats not long sleaved. I do it because i hate who i am because i cant control the stuff in my head. Sometimes i think i am slowly going mad. Sometimes i cannot see beyond anything but this. No one else knows about what I do its something u hide. I do it to release the stuff in my head and to bleed to show i am still alive because half the time i feel like i am dead. Its a difficult thing to explain. I hate myself more than anything. Its nice to know other people out there do understand
no one can understand y a person self harms bcoz it vairies from person to person. i am sorry to say the majority of people who do it do it for attention. it is still a problem however bcoz it becomes a fashion like it did in my skool. i used to do it for attention. it makes me sick to think of how i scard myself just to get a bit of attention. i stopped wen i realised wot i was doing. i didnt do it for a few months then i started to get depressed and i realised that i was actually addicted to bleeding. i would get so upset about something that id sit and cry and shake and unles i made myself bleed i couldnt calm down. im sorry to say it hasnt got better. but i generally cut myself in danger areas, mainly my wrists coz it bleeds more and its the blood im after. dont get me wrong, im not slittin my veins, just gashing the surface, i dont get scas that way and no one can see coz i can easily cover the cuts up with bracelets. im so ashamed of wot ive become. i wish i could stop but i cant. i do my best to stop people seeing the cuts. as far as i know the only person who knows about them is my boyfriend. i am admitting i used to do it for attention because i got addicted to bleeding and now the only way i can calm down is to cut myself. if there r other ppl out there who r doing it for that reason please stop b4 its too l8. it isnt worth it.
my mate gave me this website to try and help me coz, over the past few months or so ive been getting deeper and deeper into feeling low. and i dont let anyone get close to me coz i dont talk to people. and i have recently started cutting. and when they saw. (which was totally accidental) id like nothing more than for my mates not to have noticed. but i dont really know why i did it. i was feeling so low keeping things bottled up inside and not even knowing why im so down makes things alot harder. when i was cutting i used a kitchen knife and siscors. (dnt kno how u spell that) and i didnt feel any pain during it but it was soo good watchin myself bleed,it was like all the pain and anguish flowing out of my body. my friends cried when they found out they say the can understand but they dont. i dont like talking about it, but when its an audience with no face its ok.
i just wanted to post this. i hope everyone else is ok. but a good way to put down how your feeling, write it on paper, do poetry, do anything u dont have to show anyone. even burn it if u want to. it does help. it doesnt cure it but it does help...
Thanks. Love Kasx x x:D
I know exactly what you are saying here because I had also started cutting when I was 14 and it had progressed as I had entered high school and things started excalating at home and in school and having to deal alone with the death of my mother and not being able to talk to anyone about how I was feeling or thinking and having no one to support me through all things.
I also cut to get rid of things going on inside of my head and what I was feeling and thinking and just to bleed to make sure that I was still alive.
It is hard for some people to understand why so many people self-harm and I think that in ways that it scares them and that they think it's a crazy thing to do, but all in all, it's just a way for so many people to deal with what is going on inside their head and what they are feeling.
Kindest Regards,
MySuffice21
The website that BeckyBoo posted had some really good links and information for family and friends. But when its serious in others, you just wish you could do more.
People can think others don't care, but somebody cares for everyone.
I hope everyone who has problems can learn to adapt in safer ways. I genuinely do.
The saddest thing for me about reading this today was seeing Rubberskin's comments early on. Thinking of you dude.
Since the start of last summer i'd gone on from smallish cuts that left little white scars and sticking a heated needle in my arm to really serious cuts that left big purple scars that i really hate.
My whole self harming stopped at christmas though, after my then girlfriend dumped me and i stuck a bottle in my arm, resulting in me spending all christmas eve in the A&E ward waiting for stiches (not the nicest xmas memory). Since that episode i decided to start jogging and doing press ups/sit ups weights etc. Now my upper body is pretty muscular and there have been times when i've reached for my little knife but i can't go through with cutting myself anymore because i have pride in my body and don't want to spoil it.
All the scars on my right arm mean I still can't wear t-shirts around my family and most of my friends and luckily i dont do PE anymore but i'm just glad there was a way to sort it out before i got really carried away.
So if anyone thinks they're in the same kind of situation as me i suggest you try what i did and hopefully you'll be able to stop
Good luck
For the umpteenth time I am desperately trying to stop. I hate myself for it, I really do. (Clearly that doesn't help the situation, it all started because I hated myself!)
But I feel like I can't get any support from my friends because they all assume I've stopped, and I can't bear to tell them otherwise. I just want to tell someone... I feel really isolated in this. I know from reading all your posts that I sure as hell am not the only one going through this, which really helps. I just find it so hard.
For the record, I am having therapy and have been on anti-depressants in the past (they didn't help, so I came off them). Nothing seems to help - has anyone else found that?
OK. Thanks for that... I know it seems a strange message but I wanted to say it to someone!
Love,
Picc.
x
I "stopped" 2 years ago, but just started again, and I can't tell anyone, especially not my family, because they all think i'm past that. although my college friends have almost certainly seen my scars, i've never spoken to them about it...my school friends all knew, but i left them all behind when i went to college really, so i have no one to talk to about it.
One of the only people who i talk to now who knows, just basically told me they didn't want to know, so i can't even talk to them.
Oh well...pm me if you want to.
*Hug for all depressed peeps out there...* :yes:
~Anya
my nephew is in a very nice family who talk to each other about anything and everything. they are materialy very comfortable. he himself is and extremely talented musician. he's good looking. it would seem he has everything going for him. he looks up to me ...says i'm the most confident oddball he's ever met and the only 'oldie' he feels truly comfortable with. he's going to come and stay at my place in september. he doesn't know yet that i know.
how do i aproach this thing?
Picture this:
You killed yourself. Now, picture your mother cleaning your splattered brains off the wall. Watch the look on her face as she fades in and out of, "this isn't real. It's just paint. A little soap will take it right out. It'll be clean before my daughter gets home." Think about the last thing you said to her before you did it. Were you thinking about it when you saw her last, did you say you loved her? Did you know it would be the last time you'd say it? Did she know it'd be the last time she'd hear it?
Picture this:
You killed yourself. Now, picture your mother walking after the gunshot to see the mess. Watch how her expression changes to a horiffic panic when she sees the blank look on her once-baby's face. Did she run to your body, or run for her husband? Did she cry right away, or did she come and check to see if you were dead? How far did your blood spread?
Still want to kill yourself?
and rolly, this may not be the best set of advice ever, but i would suggest not bringing the subject up. unless he says something to you, maybe it should be left silent. si can be a humilating thing for them to admit to. sometimes, not all the time. it is *not* always a suicideal thing. possibly just letting things go with the flow would be best. my therapist has said that cutting is not the problem, just a source of misguided ventalation.
what you wrote really brought tears to my eyes and has made me think so much about what i have been doing
thank you
See, that's exactly how I feel. I get really pissed off with myself and start hitting myself round the head, pushing my fingers into my temples and I have occasionally scratched myself with (blunt) scissors. Although once, a few weeks ago, I got so pissed off with myself I stole my mother's knife, I did what, 2 scratches, one of which was over one of the scars from the scissors, but my mum saw and made me give the knife back. I used to scratch up my arms with my fingernails, but due to everybody getting annoyed with me calling me attention seeking, stupid etc I stopped. My best mate used to have a go at me about it which just made me feel worse and hate myself even more. I was getting really annoyed so I told her about everything I've done since January (yeh, not very long but long enough), all of that up there, plus several attempted suicide attempts, once with a shower hose, once I tried to slit my wrists (scissors were blunt though), several times with my scarf (not all of them totally serious) and I once seriously contemplated OD'ing on my migraine tablets, but I was at school at the time and they were at home so yeh. But I'm getting a lot better now, now it's just the hitting myself thing, I hate myself for it, always have, but that just makes it worse I guess. Ah well, I suppose I could get better with time, or I hope so anyway.
:impissed:
I started making myself sick a while ago and told a mate, 'cos I was scared. Then she actually walked in on me making myself ill (I had left a meal early on camp, so I was 99% certain the toilets would be empty, I didn't hear her come in). I felt terrible and now she wants me to stop, but I can't. I still eat loads - I really overeat - and when I'm at home with ppl around I can't be sick without it being noticed so I have started cutting myself again.
I'm meeting the same friend tomorrow and I'm scared, I can't lie to her if she asks me if I've been self-harming, etc., but I don't want to hurt her.
Help!
OK, sorry, had to let that out!
Picc.
xxx
hey this site is for letting things out.
Aww i know how you feel. my mam recently found out that i have been self harming. she didnt speak to me about it. she got my sister to though. my arms quite bad atm and people have noticed at school. one person said something to me. and the rest i just seen them look and stair (i where short sleves shirts) its hard admiting it to someone close and someone who cares. in my opnion if she asked i would deny it. she proberlly wants to help and will help you through the rough patch, i done know what to say on the food+sick part of the post but i dont think you should do it. and i think self harm is a crewl but effective way of letting it out
(im not saying its an option its a horrable horrable thing. luckerly my gf started to support me with it. for that i am lucky. my mam pretends i dont do it. and she isnt much use.)
good luck and best of wishes. i hope it turns out for the best and keep us informed of what happens:)
Same here:(
First thing, you didnt screw up. Its a symptom of unhappiness, its how you have reacted to your sadness and self-hatred. Just because someone saw you doesnt mean you screwed up, or that everyone will think youre an awful, awful person.
And this place is for sharing:)
PM me if you want a natter:)
I don't know what to do about my friends. One is self-harming and one is anorexic and they seem to want my help but neither will accept my advice. I'm going slowly insane I haven't cut myself for a week but I feel shit, frankly.
And I stupidly underestimated the extent of the scarring on my arms (I dressed in the dark, and I've barely seen my arms for months) so have had to spend all day explaining that my cat is psychotic because I had orchestra rehearsals and had to take off my jacket.
Does that make sense? I didn't mean for people to see. I feel like I keep messing up. I can't help my friends and now people think I'm attention-seeking because I let them see my arms. How stupid can one person be.
One final thing - about scarring, does anyone know a way to speed up scars' healing or fading?
Didn't think this was worth a new thread, but wanted to get it said. Not meaning to hog this thread, I promise. :rolleyes:
Picc
xxx
Im a Borderline and they were really good at getting info. I dont know if thats what you need or not, but its a good starting place.
So what if people see you, I've done it in front of my teachers at school before because they didn't think I was serious. My first suicide attempt was in school in front of one of my teachers. I pulled a compass out of my pocket and tried to slit my wrists. What I'm trying to say is, its not always your fault if you do these things, sometimes people drive you to it. I've started counselling people in the same situation as us so if you wanna talk I'm only an email away.:)
Any psychologist who would do that is a tard. There arent many tards in psychology.
Therapy is something I would suggest people should try though, I know Im just me but going into therapy has done me a lot of good. I used to have two or three cutting sessions a day, more on a bad one, and since I went into therapy 18 months ago I havent done it once. Sure Ive been tempted, but the temptation hasnt been anywhere near strong enough since.
Thats not to say its a cure, but it helps. And not something people should just dismiss, in my humble opinion. Try it, you might like it:)