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Me too. I almost wish I hadn't come to Oxford because I feel like there's no guarantee the service I'm on the waiting list for will still be there when I get back to London and I can't even get hold of them.
I just want to feel normal. Instead I think I'm getting slowly worse
I felt better at first, but now I feel worse.
Here if you need to talk about whats happening for you! x
Just feeling really bad and suicidal. Randomboy is away for the weekend which I find really difficult to cope with, I'm very dependant on him. I really feel like taking an overdose. Last night I took a couple of Valium that were RB's, he accidently left them behind, I hope he's not too angry that I took them as he doesn't have very many. I phoned my mum last night and I'm going to go stay with her tonight as I just don't think I'm safe to be alone at the moment.
Thanks for the hugs.
Why does this go over and over. i don't know how else to put it.
Are you ok brunettebarbie? *hug*
How are you feeling this week Randomgirl? Hope things are looking up a bit now Randomboy is back *hug*
To be honest I'm struggling. I cut my self a lot last night and did other self harm too. He's back which is good so I'm not suicidal anymore though which is a good thing. I saw my therapist this week which was good and I had therapy group today which was good too - I'm really going to miss them when they are cut (next month).
:banghead:
If only, for one day I could hide behind a smile, all day without showing no emotion may have made things easier in life.
Just need to be able to run the race home, had a panic attack last night, it was so scary, I was hearing all these voices in my head, my dad was their when it happened he layed me down on the couch, it went all so ast it was scary, the voices are hurting me more :crying: I'm useless a useless piece of junk!
She had no memory of doing it, she told me she felt silly once about it.
I remember feeling so helpless, how do you save someone from their own thoughts?
I think i'v only realized now how that actually made me feel, I was crazy about this girl. I wanted to just shake her and tell her off, and then other times I just wanted to help her, protect her.
But I could do neither, because either it wasn't my place (i knew nothing about depression then, it's only now with my own depression now I understand some of the things she did) Or it wasn't possible.
I wish I had found a site like this to see peoples stories and perhaps get some advice for me and her.
Hey Cupcake,
How you doing today? You know the boards pretty well, so you know that we are here if you want to chat more about the cuts, panic attacks, hearing voices, what happened with Dad.... do you get any professional support at the moment? (GP, mental health services etc). Take care
Hey Owen, good to see you posting on here and also that you have found the site now, particularly as you are working through your own issues at the moment. You are very welcome on the boards and the community here - so make yourself at home. I can see you've already posted about meds and got some great responses, so keep it up and keep posting. You're doing really well to be accessing support from your GP and coming here for advice too. :thumb:
Take care
(I'm not feeling too bad at the moment either, life's ok!)
I'm not quiet sure what gunna happen from here!
ahh i guess it's just like, learned behaviour/response then. i'm glad i'm not alone
I'm a sorry excuse for a human being and I don't deserve to be here.
Hello,
I have been self harming for half a year now. To the extent of being hospital bound. I have recently stopped, my last cut was the 15th of March and I am struggling not to relapse.
I have quit smoking very recently, and I am trying not to harm myself so much - every day is a struggle for me to keep living, the only reason why I bother is because of my girlfriend and mother. Everyone else, I couldn't give a damn about to be honest.
I keep having bad times like earlier today, I haven't taken my Anti-Depressants "Citalopram 20MG" in well over a week, and have 2 months worth stockpiled in a jar along with a lot of asprin and paracetamol. I typed out my will earlier today and I don't know why.
My social worker had a medic sit in on our session two weeks ago. I was told there is nothing majour wrong with me. I've taken this as I am stupid and the medic is telling me to stop being a whiney little sod, therefore on my next session (Thursday) I'm going to put on my front, act like nothing is wrong and the world is my oyster for the hour long session.
I want to be taken out of the Mental Health Services, they are not helping me at all - I do not want to be stuck in useless councelling - i've been there, done that got the T-Shirt.
I do not want to self harm again - but I am struggling SO MUCH! I've started eating less and less. My appetite is shrinking considerably - but what is worrying me is my BMI is going UP! I'm eating less but my BMI has gone from low 24 to high 25 overnight. I feel extremely fat.
I find myself sleeping as much as possible now. Things tend to not go wrong if I am unconscious. The less time I am alert, the less time I think about damaging myself. If I am not kept busy by work or sleep - I will be fighting this constant struggle.
Just needed to vent before I explode.
Jay
This is good and something you should be proud of. It's not easy and you should take every day as it comes, but this is good.
You should keep this at the front of your mind because clearly these people mean a lot to you. I would assume that they love you and that should be enough for you to keep from acting on some of your thoughts.
You do know why but you might be struggling to to admit it to yourself. Stockpiling your SSRIs won't help you, they are prescribed for a reason. When you are a little clear of thought then I would recommend that you dispose of the asparin and paracetomol. Contrary to popular though that really isn't a painless or pleasant way to go anyway...
You can always discharge yourself if you aren't finding it useful
BMI of 25 is just on the border line of average/overweight so I doubt that you are "fat". However, if your aren't eating much then for a while your body will go into starvation mode and, for a while, will store fat. This will especially be true if you are skipping the occasional meal. Best advice here is to eat little and often until your appetite returns.
This is a standard response to stress and anxiety, trust me you are not alone in that.
Good luck.
I am roughly 10 months free of all types of self harm.:yippe:
How honest were you? That's the issue I had - I was never honest about what happened. Yes, I did (eventually) admit that maybe I do have depression; but never admitted the extent of what was going on.
I am glad I am not damaging my body, as it does tear my girlfriend up. But i'm missing it and I probably always will.
They do mean EVERYTHING to me, and what they think of me really matters. My mother doesn't know I self harm let alone attend the mental health services, whereas my girlfriend knows most things - just not a small portion of my brain where everything ticks away like a time bomb.
SSRI's? Pain doesn't really phase me anymore, not since going into hospital numb to the world with a very large chunk taken out of my arm
Part of me hopes they will change what they have said, and actually give me the help I have been asking for. I don't even want help - I think they are all useless, but my friend told me to stick at it and keep on trying. I'm running out of reasons to try.
I've always felt fat. In P.E at school when everyone had to change - I always noticed how I seemed to have a bigger belly than everyone else - I'm 6' 2'' so technically with a BMI of 24/25 I should be "lanky". I've had hundreds of people tell me "I'm not fat" but I can't believe them because when I look in the mirror I am disgusted.
Apparently, I don't suffer from anxiety. My "fictitious" (Quote from Medic) panic attacks seem to think otherwise.
Congratulations! That is a great achievement.
I hold back a lot. Not on purpose, but more and more gets revealed each time about my past. The only thing my social worker has said that I agree with is that I have had an extremely traumatic past.