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Advice needed! Dead ends

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I could do with some advice from people of any age who have been through similar. btw, if I read this post myself, i'd think it was pretty lame but this really sucks. I could do with a kick up the arse for not seeing this waiting to happen.

Basically, I just finished college and and i've now found myself in a bit of a bad situation socially. I honestly don't think its my fault, its just the way things have turned out: I still keep in touch with my old college mates and have been arranging the occasional stop over, but they're all distant logistically and I can't see us keeping up the same links in a years time. There isn't much point fighting it, and holding on for the sake of it. Its sad but true, but unless i move to london with a few of them i suppose i'll have to move on.

Thing is, I don't have friends to just hang out with. I have a few at home I call from time to time and go out for a couple of pints or a game of pool, but these guys are either in long term relationships or aren't really up for pushing out socially, going clubbing or just chilling with some beers. Its a bit limited, I'd liken their company more to a formal date than hanging out. Its a bit small town where I live and people still tend to hang out in the same groups they went out in in highschool. Very nichey.

I really hate being on my own, I am not used to it at all. I'm used to larking about. There is nobody my age at my work and I'm actually starting to enjoy the company the old gits in the office. This is the first time in my life I've spent weeks without going out. It didn't bother me at first but I'm getting frustrated. Its not easy to meet new people. When you hang out in a group, you already have a base and which tends to attract new people all the time. I'm thinking of quitting my job, moving to the city.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Advice needed! Dead ends
    Originally posted by FishBulb
    I could do with some advice from people of any age who have been through similar. btw, if I read this post myself, i'd think it was pretty lame but this really sucks. I could do with a kick up the arse for not seeing this waiting to happen.

    Basically, I just finished college and and i've now found myself in a bit of a bad situation socially. I honestly don't think its my fault, its just the way things have turned out: I still keep in touch with my old college mates and have been arranging the occasional stop over, but they're all distant logistically and I can't see us keeping up the same links in a years time. There isn't much point fighting it, and holding on for the sake of it. Its sad but true, but unless i move to london with a few of them i suppose i'll have to move on.

    Thing is, I don't have friends to just hang out with. I have a few at home I call from time to time and go out for a couple of pints or a game of pool, but these guys are either in long term relationships or aren't really up for pushing out socially, going clubbing or just chilling with some beers. Its a bit limited, I'd liken their company more to a formal date than hanging out. Its a bit small town where I live and people still tend to hang out in the same groups they went out in in highschool. Very nichey.

    I really hate being on my own, I am not used to it at all. I'm used to larking about. There is nobody my age at my work and I'm actually starting to enjoy the company the old gits in the office. This is the first time in my life I've spent weeks without going out. It didn't bother me at first but I'm getting frustrated. Its not easy to meet new people. When you hang out in a group, you already have a base and which tends to attract new people all the time. I'm thinking of quitting my job, moving to the city.

    I have no advice, just to say I'm about to be in exactly the same situation as you, except I don't even have a job :crazyeyes

    I guess its just a matter of trying to break into a new clique or something
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There must be alot of people in this situation. Quite a few at college said they stopped bothering with their high school cliques. sucks doesn't it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whats the importance in having a "clique"? I myself only have a few close friends i see individually, sometimes we all get together with our acquaintances in a big group on nights out but otherwise its just me. I'm naturally a recluse, at college, were all mates in my course basically, we all get on great and on the breaks i sort of float between groups but I don't like staying with a group for too long, i value being with just me, doing what I want. I don't see having a particular clique as important in my life at all.

    HunnyPot
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Give the "old gits" a chance

    You might just find that getting to know the "old gits" is worth your time. You haven't said what sort of work you do or what you studied at university, but now you are getting an opportunity to mix with those who could help you succeed in your future career.

    Yeah, I know, I sound like an old git. I guess being 39 might qualify me :)

    As sad as it seems we can't always hang onto those old childhood friends and it may not even be the best thing to do in the long run. Figure out what your priorities are, what you want for yourself for the future and try to find friends who will fit in with the lifestyle you anticipate having. Write down a list of your interests and see if there are any social groups nearby that you can join to meet likeminded people.

    My advice might seem old fashioned, but then again, so am I :D

    I've moved from the United States to England to live near my husband's family. I've left everyone behind and I know it isn't easy making new friends and fitting in to a new atmosphere. It will take time but you'll find new friends so don't despair.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there. Having moved around a fair bit over the last few years I can understand where you're coming from. Nobody likes to think that they don't have any friends that they can just call up and go out. As you said, it does seem a bit pointless trying to hold on to friendships that aren't really going to work out because of distance so you obviously need to make new ones .... and clearly this can't be done by just twiddling your thumbs. As Cyann said, join a club or something. It may sound completely cliched but this way you'll meet likeminded people.

    If you do decide to move, I would suggest that you don't just do it for this reason. You've got what I'm assuming is a good job and even though these 'old gits' are older than you, it doesn't make them any less fun to hang about with. I'm sure that you enjoy your time working with them.

    Are you in touch with any of your old school friends. When I first came back to my home town I contacted a few old friends and just invited them down to the Pizza Hut (with/without other halves and new friends, etc). It worked really well and it was great for everyone to get together again and helped us all to make some new friends.

    Hope that helps. xxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Advice needed! Dead ends

    I'm in pretty much the same situation! I was at Uni away from home for 3 years, and kinda lost touch with many of my mates back home cos I was never there. Now I am living at home again after graduating & I am miles away from all my mates...one's even in New Zealand!! :( Even my boyf lives 3 hours away from me and I dont get to see him very often! :crying: I have a mate down here that i go to the pub with occasionaly but dont have much in common with him anymore, and other than that my best mate from home has gone to Uni about 45mins away so shall now only get to see her every few weekends. It sucks and I know how you feel! I have a part time job in a bar at the mo and it makes things better cos the people I work with are all nice, it's a very sociable place to work and it takes up some of my spare time in the evenings. I still miss all my mates from Uni and feel lonely but until I have some money to move out there's not much I can do about it!

    All that waffle aside I don't really have any advice, apart from maybe take up a past-time where you can meet other people? The bar I work at is in a gym and that's a fab place to meet others. Also if you wanna chat i know how ya feel! ;)
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