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Shortest funniest joke in the world

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Here's my effort ...........
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?..................................Put it in the microwave until it's bill withers....

Or

Why do mice have small balls ? .....................................Because not that many of them can dance.

Or

Where can you find a hamster with no legs ? ............................Wherever you left it !

Ok, Your turn, Ready, Steady, Go!
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Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what dya call a fish with no eye?
    fshhhhhhhhhh
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A man walks into a bar.....

    Ouch!


    A man walks into a bar....

    With a roll of Tarmac under his arm....

    "Pint of lager please mate".....

    "And one for the road"

    :lol::lol::lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "My dog Minton keeps eating all my shuttlecocks."
    "Bad Minton!"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A fish swims into a wall.

    Dam.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mines still way funniest!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whats brown and sticky ?


    A stick !
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what do you do if you see a spaceman?

    Park in it man!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    which one did u like? i put 2 jokes up
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you catch squirrels?


    Have a one-night stand with a dead tree
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no way, the best joke ever is...

    Theres 2 fish in a tank, and one says

    "How do u drive this thing?"

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Thefairmelissa
    One for the Teutons amongst us.

    Warum heißt Kanada Kanada?
    - Weil keiner da ist.


    Funniest joke in German, apparently.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was driving down the motorway with my bird the other day when we both got a bit frisky and decided to do something about it. So we decided we'd take the next exit, but it was a turn-off.


    A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said "well don't go there any more".

    A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time " The man replied "I know I've been ill".

    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.


    :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!!

    Pull yourself together, man!


    What does a fish pick it's nose with?
    - Fish Fingers.


    What's the last thing to enter a fly's head before it hits the windscreen?
    - It's ass.


    What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
    - Her legs.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaz
    What's the last thing to enter a fly's head before it hits the windscreen?
    - It's ass.

    That joke nearly killed me dammit!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What has two legs and bleeds a lot? ..........



    Half a dog !
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Who delivers puppies when the vet's busy?.........................................................................the Midwoof!


    Funniest fucking joke eva:D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I liked the fish swimming into a wall one...

    What do you call a man with a cow and a pig on his head?
    Moohamed.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't get some of them. :( *feels a dumbass*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this ones very gross and very horrible..


    whats worse than 10 babies in one bin?[/SIZE




    ] one baby in ten bins

    i know i know:rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Daisychainthing
    *feels a dumbass*

    Whos arse is that then? :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Following on from Rockerchicks joke so all blame is to be directed to her

    How do you get 10 babies into a tupperware bowl?
    A blender.

    How dya get them out again?
    Doritoes

    *goes to the pub*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Mindless all the way
    Following on from Rockerchicks joke so all blame is to be directed to her

    How do you get 10 babies into a tupperware bowl?
    A blender.

    How dya get them out again?
    Doritoes

    *goes to the pub*
    you cheeky monkey!how dare you blame me!!
    whats green red and runny?
    a frog in a blender
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what do you call a dog with no back legs and steel balls?

    sparky



    what do you call a woman with one leg?

    Ilean



    what do you call a man who has no arms and legs and likes to swim?

    bob




    what do you call a kid who has no arms or legs but his friends want him to play baseball?

    second base
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    now these jokes are a series... so funny i piss laughing evey time i hear them:rolleyes:


    how do you get a giraffe into a refigerator?

    open the door and shove him in



    how do you get an elephant into the fridge?

    open the door, take out the giraffe and put him in



    when the lion king has his meetings, what animal doesn't show up?

    the elephant because he is in the fridge



    how do you cross crocidale (sp?) infested waters?

    walk across, the crocs are at the meeting







    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How many cats does it take to paint a house?
    Depends on how hard you throw them.

    Whats more fun than nailing a cat to a wall?
    Ripping it back off again.

    Whats the difference between cats and trampolines?
    You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

    and the shortest funniest words ever are -
    cyclepath
    venomless
    and of course -

    Dude!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Three tampons were walking down the street.which one said hello?.........none-cuz they are all stuck up cunts.:p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do u make a polo mint laugh?

    Tickle its hole

    :o
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by evilemsie
    How many cats does it take to paint a house?
    Depends on how hard you throw them.

    Whats more fun than nailing a cat to a wall?
    Ripping it back off again.

    Whats the difference between cats and trampolines?
    You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.

    and the shortest funniest words ever are -
    cyclepath
    venomless
    and of course -

    Dude!
    theres something i LIKE about you evil...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why dont witches wear knickers when flying ?
    to get a better grip of the broom.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for christmas?
    Lukemia

    What did he get for his birthday?
    Nothing.... he was going to die anyway.
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