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what the **** do i do!?!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok, this is a very long story, but any advice/similar problems would be cool, ill try n keep it short. I had a girlfriend for nearly a year, we were so close and i truly believe loved eachother dearly. sure we had ups and downs, but things were wicked, couldnt have been closer sexually, physically or mentally. We both lost our virginity to eachother (both 16). During the summer holidays she went away with her family, and even though i thought things were fine, she dumped me whilst she was away. I was distraught, she didnt dump me in a nice way either, but i wont go into details. I found out she then got with someone else while she was away, but im 95% sure she didnt sleep with him. Anyway, this was all a few weeks ago, since then shes got back, and has recently told me she wants me back. Does everyone do stupid things while on holiday? I want her back too, i fancy her so much, but i certainly dont want to rush things.
i think after so long she felt a bit tied down in a relationship at this age, and i understand that, but she hurt me big time, and i dont think i can forget that. If i get back with her who says she wont change her mind again, or if she wants the other bloke more then me?
do i take her back? i want to see how things go for a while, but i would feel like a mug if i let her walk straight back into my life. but to be honest shes the girl of my dreams, absolutaly gorgeous (guys i swear im not sayin that jus coz i was with her), i never thought id get with neone who makes me feel as good and lucky as she did.
Any hints tips or similar experiences? sorry if it bored u all, but a neutral POV would eb helpful.

cheers

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cynic.

    OK, you have kept it brief, and no doubt there are many other little things you haven't included, and I hate to be the one to say this, but...
    I reckon that she did sleep with him, and it's just wishfull thinking on your part that she didn't.
    If you take her back then there's every chance you are just opening yourself up for more of the same grief. If she's done it once, then there's a good chance she'll do it again. You could just be setting yourself up for even more pain.
    If you really think she's worth it after all the grief she's given you already, then take her back. But things will never be the same again, and you'll allways be suspicious, and perhaps jellous, when she goes out with friends, or workmates, or on holiday.
    I sound negative, but that's becuase I've become very cynical over the years, and experience and observation have taught me to be wary. This isn't such a good thing though, as it makes me seem unwilling to comit too much to a relationship, which is just me trying not to get in too deep, and expecting the worst, to avoid getting my metaphorical fingers burnt again. :(

    Mr_Wobble ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are determined to take her back....make her wait a while for you to make up your mind. Why should you take her back just like that?

    make her sweat..although I wouldn't even bother if I were you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I agree with Mr_Wobble, She slept with this other lad.

    You've opened yourself up to her and got hurt, it sucks, but such is life!

    Go back out with her but just don't leave yourself open to be hurt again!

    Don’t let on that she hurt you as much, cos once she knows your weakness she use it again!

    Give her the benefit of the doubt this time and take her back but:

    Forgive, but don't forget!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless

    Go back out with her but just don't leave yourself open to be hurt again!


    No point then! You cant have a proper relationship if your withholding something. To keep yourself free from hurt you have to protect yourself emotionallly...that gets in the way of everything.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I reckon she slept with the other guy too.

    :(




    So glad im single sometimes :rolleyes: ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It will always be in the back of youre mind and because of it things will never be exactly the same even if you do take her back!

    Id be wary! very hard decision as you obvoiusly are infactuated by her, obviously you want her back but if you carry on as before you may be leaving a door open to get hurt all over again

    if she really loved you she wouldnt have dumped you in the 1st place

    i did a similar thing whe i was young i was 19 going out with a 30yr old she was soooo gorgeous i loved her to bits she dumped me and then wanted me back about 2 months later like a love struck puppy of course i took her back.......ultimately it all ended badly i NEVER trusted her and slowly fell out of love with her

    do what youre head tells you not youre heart
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    While were young we want to have fun..the holiday being a perfect oppurtunity! The fact that she actually finished wiv ya to go with someone else doesnt say much about how she feels about ya,but she should have thought more about her feelings before she did it cause then she wouldnt have to have the regrets she does now about breaking up with you. Whats gonna happen if you get back together and the next time she goes out/holiday and she wants to meet other people?she'll break up with ya again! If you can safely say she wont do it again then get back with her, if you cant then dont and move on!Your young too and remember you need your fun....:D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No point then! You cant have a proper relationship if your withholding something. To keep yourself free from hurt you have to protect yourself emotionallly...that gets in the way of everything.

    I must agree with you there. Me and my boyf split on thursday he said yesterday it was a mistake but i am sacred he will do it again. I dont feel i could be the same as i was with him :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Before you do anything I think you need to talk to your ex. Ask her exactly what happened between her and this other bloke.

    The way I interpret her decision to finish with you is this:
    1. She slept with him / fooled around with him and felt so bad she thought she should finish with you.
    OR
    2. She hoped that the relationship with this other bloke would continue when she came back from holiday and has since been proved wrong and now wants you back. Will you let her have her cake and eat it?

    You need to think about the following things:
    1. Do you love her?
    2. Would you be able to trust her again if she went away on holiday without you?
    3. Do you only want her back because you don't want to be alone? i.e. she is someone to be with to cure the boredom we all feel in everyday life?
    4. Did the way she finished with you reveal a side to her that you didn't like?
    Don't answer these to us, just think about them for a while.

    None of us can tell you what to do, not matter how much we want to scream 'take her back' or 'no way dude'. We aren't in your situation so we aren't in the nest position to comment. We can only advise. good luck.
    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Listen to bumble she knows exactly what she is talking about!

    She is the queen of relationships :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *DEVIL*
    Listen to bumble she knows exactly what she is talking about!

    She is the queen of relationships :D
    Thanks hun! :o
    You're not so bad yourself!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Taking her back ?

    Never give women a second chance ? Why did she dump you in the first place - have those reasons been rectified - probably not - I recently gave someone the second stomping ground on my heart, and was told by everyone around me not to go back there - but I didn't listen - you should !
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Taking her back ?
    Originally posted by Judged-by-Dan
    Never give women a second chance ? Why did she dump you in the first place - have those reasons been rectified - probably not - I recently gave someone the second stomping ground on my heart, and was told by everyone around me not to go back there - but I didn't listen - you should !

    Grrr. Who are you to tell this poor bloke what to do exactly? His situation might be different to his. All you can do is advise him. Don't tell him!!
    :mad:

    And everyone deserves a second chance I think. Whatever you're guilty of you're always worthy of compassion. And there isn't, so far, any proof that she is guilty of sleeping with this other guy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    regret the things you did not the things you didn't do. Mate, you only live once and if there is a chance you can be happy with her then i would say go for it.

    Life is all about risks (insert 'could get run over crossing road' thing). If you don't go for it you could be wishing you had for the next 5 years.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    everyone deserves a second chance. sorry if that sounds so poor but its true. if u love her give her another chance but make sure she knows she cant do it again. dont let her off to easily tho, make her show u she is sorry. mite sound stupid but if shes willing to prove to you how sorry she is then it'll show how much u mean 2 her. she wouldnt make the effort if she didnt really love u
    i hope that helps
    xxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jon_uk is spot on with this one matey, I leant that the hard way.
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