If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Two funnies & a Brain teaser!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
Some funnies here, add some more joke if you like, (just do the bloody brain teaser for me,.... I mean yourselves) 
Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples
to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption problem all
over the world. After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion
that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try the
drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to proceed.
It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members
return to earth to get the different types of drugs. The secret operation
is effected and two days later Jesus, waiting at the door, hears a knock:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Mark"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Mark?"
"Marijuana from Colombia"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Matthew"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Matthew?"
"Cocaine from Bolivia"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's John"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring John?"
"Crack from New York"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Luke"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Luke?"
"Speed from Amsterdam"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Judas"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Judas?"
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
" FBI MOTHER F***ERS! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!"
DIFFICULT WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
> > Specificity
> > Indubitably
> > Innovative
> > Preliminary
> > Proliferation
> > Cinnamon
> >
> > IMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
> > Thanks, but I don't want s*x. (Sure that's a hard one to say when your sober too;)
)
> > No, I don't want another drink.
> > No kebab for me thank you.
> > Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.
> > Good evening officer.
> > I'm not Interested in fighting you.
> > No one wants to hear me sing.
THE MISSING DOLLAR!
3 MEN GO INTO A MOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30, SO
EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.
WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALISED THE ROOM WAS ONLY $25, HE SENT
THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH $5.
ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT $5 EVENLY BETWEEN 3
MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR HIMSELF.
THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL OF
$27, ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29.
WHERE IS THE OTHER DOLLAR?
I've not really tried this!!!:o
:mad: , but if anyone gets it please, please, please tell me! (I'll be your friend:) )
Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples
to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption problem all
over the world. After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion
that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try the
drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to proceed.
It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members
return to earth to get the different types of drugs. The secret operation
is effected and two days later Jesus, waiting at the door, hears a knock:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Mark"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Mark?"
"Marijuana from Colombia"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Matthew"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Matthew?"
"Cocaine from Bolivia"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's John"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring John?"
"Crack from New York"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Luke"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Luke?"
"Speed from Amsterdam"
"Very well son, come in."
Another knock ...
"Who is it?"
"It's Judas"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Judas?"
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
" FBI MOTHER F***ERS! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!"
DIFFICULT WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
> > Specificity
> > Indubitably
> > Innovative
> > Preliminary
> > Proliferation
> > Cinnamon
> >
> > IMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
> > Thanks, but I don't want s*x. (Sure that's a hard one to say when your sober too;)
)> > No, I don't want another drink.
> > No kebab for me thank you.
> > Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.
> > Good evening officer.
> > I'm not Interested in fighting you.
> > No one wants to hear me sing.
THE MISSING DOLLAR!
3 MEN GO INTO A MOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30, SO
EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.
WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALISED THE ROOM WAS ONLY $25, HE SENT
THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH $5.
ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT $5 EVENLY BETWEEN 3
MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR HIMSELF.
THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL OF
$27, ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29.
WHERE IS THE OTHER DOLLAR?
I've not really tried this!!!:o
:mad: , but if anyone gets it please, please, please tell me! (I'll be your friend:) ) 0
Comments
It seems impossible but you have to do the equation step by step....
$30 - $5 = $25
$5 - $3 = $2
The bellboy kept $2 it doesnt work the other way!
What has 7 letters, Preceded God, is greater than God, More evil than the devil, all poor people have it, all wealthy people need it and if you eat it you will die?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
AND THE ANSWER IS...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Nah i think i'll keep you in suspense. Ill post the answer l8r within the next 30 mins post your ideas of what it could be!
Edited to say, dammit, I forgot I had this window minimised
Whatever your name is :rolleyes:
Yeh u have common sense. Most people look at the statistics rather than at the main info and just say "how am i sposed to no that?"
The answer is NOTHING.
Damn right
> A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight
> up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm lookin' for a job."
>
> The man behind the counter paused, then replied "Your timing is
> amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a
> chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around
> in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long
> hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be
> required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary
> package is £200,000 a year.".
> The scouser said "Nah, you're bullsh!tting me!".
> The man behind the counter said "Well you f*ckin' started it!"
The scouser jumps up and proceeds to beat the living shite out of the camp lil' man, before throwing him out of the bar. The bartender goes over to the scouser and says "jesus... I've never seen you react like that before! What the hell did he say to you?"
To which the scouser replies "I dunno... something about a job"
goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. If he wants sex, don't resist don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure, he has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."
lol... this reminds me of work when everybody is absolutely certain they haven't hd any overrings, but still the money in the till doesn't match what the takings should theoretically be!!!
This went round school and my sad mathematical friend claimed to have cracked it, although I can't remember how as anything to do with numbers addles my brain :crazyeyes I'll ask her how she did it.
A woman stops her car outside a hotel. Instantly, she knew she was bankrupt. How?
Answers on a postcard please.....
LMFAO:D
Ooh!! Ooh!! I know this one!!! (Drumroll please...........)
She was playing Monopoly.
With help from mathematical geniuses (genii????) and members of my family role-playing with matchsticks I think we've managed to figure it out!!!
They each ended up paying $9, but they should each have paid less than that as $25 divided by $3 is 8 1/3. The $5 which the bellboy was meant to give back to them should have worked out as $1 2/3 each. So the theoretical amount they should have paid ($8 1/3) and the theoretical amount they got back ($1 2/3) does actually add up to $30. It just got distorted by the bellboy!!
This is where you tell me you knew the answer all along and/or I've been taking this way too seriously
What am I?
Mad