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Long Distance Relationships... do they work?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,

This is my first post on here so please be kind :)

To cut a long story short, whilst on holiday with some family members I met a girl who was staying in my hotel. We clicked virtually straight away and became very close by the end of the week ;)

I was determinned not to get too attached because there is quite a distance between us ( 2 hours by train, 3 by car). I'd enjoyed the week and thought I'd put it down to experience. When I left though, she was heartbroken and I felt sooooo guilty. :(

We chatted a lot on the phone and a coupel of weeks after getting home I went down for the day. I didn't really know what to expect as obviously we were on holiday and I thought things would be different. However we got on like a house on fire :D

Last week I went down for several nights amd I've really fallen "head over heals" for her and she has told me she feels the same way. She's coming up to see me in a few weeks for the weekend. We've decided to "give it a go" after 2 months of knowing eachother and I do trust her. There's not a minute goes by where I dont' think about her.

I should be really happy, she is the girls of my dreams. Attractive, intelligent (very I was shocked at her recent exam results! :eek: )

However, I'm not. I'm really down? ( other things happening aswell in my life re. Uni and whether to drop out and take a year out and start again but that's a story for another message board! :) )

I miss her sooooo much and wish we lived closer which is making me down. Things won't improve because she will be going to uni next year and so will I so it will be really difficult to see eachother. I'm willing to travel the length and breath of Britain ( well 2 hours :) ) and I know she feels the same.

However, I'm always reading that Long dist stuff doesn't work and how difficult it is. That's why I can't see us having a future even though we do really like each other. I think that's what is really getting me down, like if I'm waiting for the inevitable of it not working?

Anyone got any opinions?

Please be honest if you think these long distance things don't work, but anyone else had/having a long distance relationship?

Thanks for reading:)

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya its sounds like you two really do like eachother, in which case the relationship could very well work out. Dont let the distance get in the way if you truly like eachother then you just have to accept the fact that you dont live close to eachother but dont let it ruin things between you if the two of you are meant to be then it will work out fine. i know its hard but if anything it brings you closer together cos then when you do see eachother its better as youve waited longer. Just go with your heart and if thats with this girl then thats where it is.

    Good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, I think long distance relationships can work if you truly love each other. you could write to each other or text/phone/email etc so you could stay in touch regularly. I think if the love, commitment and openess between you is there it could well work. I hope things turn out for the best for you! Luv, xx.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is no reason why it cant work. As long as you can both be devoted to each other and can both give and take a little in the relationship then it is going to work.

    You both love each other and if anything it is a very special relationship you both get to know each other fairly and you will both know that you are together because your in love and not just for sex which in a way is good.


    Hope everything goes well for you

    *DEVIL*

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with what everyone else has said that it can work, thats if you both want it to. However sometimes it wont work purely because one or both partners may be the jealous type. I think if your prepared to give it a go then just go for it and see how it goes.
    If you dont give it a go youre always gonna be thinking

    If only !!!!!!!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    um yeah screw her then get wit her...lol it takes me an hour to get to college... so goin college and then back wud b 2 hrs... thats not long ill visit her for u :P
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your replies.

    Fingers crossed, things will work but it is very difficult when you can see each other every other weekend or so.

    I shouldn't complain though because she is the girl of my dreams, just a pain in the arse that she lives so far away :( but nothing is perfect.

    And as for Dark Pheonix, hands of fella :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah it could work. you do both have to trust each other completely and that can be hard when you haven't known each other for very long, although it sounds like you do already which is good.

    There's plenty of ways of keeping in touch now, what with internet, phones along with letters and so on. yeah you won't see a lot of each other but if you can get on over the phone and not fall out when things can easily be taken the wrong way etc thenm you def have summat going.

    It will also make you end up as best friends as well as partners, always a good thing as the person you love should also be the person you trust with all you secrets, problems and everything.

    Distance often can make a relationship. As long as you are prepared to travel the distance and maybe have to cut down your social life to be able to afford that. it will take a lot of compromises but if you love each other then go for it. You'll only have regrets in the future if you don't.

    Good luck.:)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi this is also my first post to the board. Im also having to face a long distance relationship as my boyfriend is moving away. lucky it is onyl an hours drive and 45 minutes on the train but as i still attend school and have a job seeing him is going to be hard. We both have discussed this changed and decided that we will give it ago, but i have my doubts that it will work. We are very close and have experienced alot together and we get along really well, since being told he is actually going ive had this horrid gut feeling, at the moment i can see him often but this change is going to be hard. Can any one help me and share with me if they have experienced a long distance realtionship, as i would like to know if they are successful
    thanks
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with everything that has been said here. If you really like the girl then go for it. Technology nowadays means that even though you are physically apart you don't have to be in terms of being close to each other. I am currently in a long distance relationship and I haven't been with the guy for very long but I have confidence that it will work out. This is because we were friends for a year before we became a couple and so it wasn't difficult to go from a long distance friendship to a long distance relationship. :) It's going well so far and we have started to plan things for the future.

    I have to admit that it is hard because you are thinking about the person all the time and it is frustrating to not be with them and to do stuff together. But you have to have faith in your commitment and love for each other that you will have a strong relationship. And eventually in time you will be able to move to be in the same city as each other.

    One thing I would also add is that you mustn't neglect your own social life at the expense of this relationship as the first year of university is very important for building foundations for life-long friendships. Then you will have the best of both worlds, the girl when you are with her and your mates when you're not able to be with her and with whom you can bored the pants of about your loved one! ;)

    Hope everything works out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Long distance relationships so rarely work - they usually piss off and find someone new.

    Bitter? Me? :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey damn u im a lady not a fella but the offer is still open :P goodluck eh
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is an unwritten rule about long distance relationships.
    If they are going to last then you will know after 3 months. If it isn't meant to be then you will have broken up by then.

    You could have been going out for a year beforehand, doesn't make a difference.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whoops... Sorry Dark Pheonix, I put my foot in it there didn't I? :D

    I agree with Oriental Chick because there is so much technology now, it's not just like in the "old days" where it was pen and paper and the odd phone call, at least now there is e-mail, texts etc ( costing me a small fortune at the moment!) :eek:

    It is difficult though because you are always thinking about the other person and you can't do the usual very often i.e. going to the flicks, gonig for a meal ( what else did you all think by the me saying the usual?!?!;) )

    I've always got that doubt in the back of my mind though that what if someone else comes along who lives really close? However, if we do really Love eachother that shouldn't be problem :)

    We've been seeing eachother now for 2 months, so only a month ago to pass that unwritten "3 month" rule .

    I think though, it just like anything else, as long as you love each other, trust eachother and are honest, things *should* go ok :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are lucky she's only a few hours away, Ive been in a long distance relationship for 15 months and we are 14 hours apart! Its horrible! But like i said we've been together over a year and things are going well, we have of course had our ups and downs esp. as the relationship progressed into something more serious, but if you are committed to eachother and wanting it to work than it will... In fact in a way distance can be a blessing, neither of you can claim the "clingy" excuse, because you will have plenty of time to do your own thing, and email and texting is a great way to get to know someone on a more intimate level without sexual encounters always getting in the way (those damn things ;)) anyway, sounds like you really like her and she likes you so be honest and sincere with her, try to make as much time as possible with her and think of it as an adventure! its like having a mini vacation everytime you visit :) but if its something you are looking at as a long term thing one of you might want to consider relocating down the road.... because it is really difficult to maintain a long distance relationship for a long time......
    good luck! have fun!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they only work if both people want them to work
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in a long distance realtionship at the mo'. I guess mine's a bit different cos me and my boyf were at uni together for the first 2 years of our relationship but have been living 2/3hours away since June. I don't like it at all, it makes me very paranoid about things! I'm hoping it will work out, cos hopefully it wont be for too long. Like someone else said it can work if you both want it to, but it's not easy at all and I wouldnt exactly reccomend it!! :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, they don't. they're bollocks, all relationships are bollocks.

    Sorry about that, my last relationship (long disance one too!) just went a little tits up, and i'm not a happy bunny about the situation, and i've been used.

    They can work, but they are a lot of extra effort.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    long distance relationships are a very touchy subject with me and you cant say there going to work unless you have been in one.

    personally i wasnt strong enough for my relationship to last. like you i met my ex on holiday a year ago today funnily enough. we got on really well on holiday but nothing actually happened. we exchanged mobile numbers and emails addresses. not alot happened at first just the odd text one a week to see what we had been up to etc. after a crappy relationship with a bloke from home i turned to him for alot of help and we became closer talking on msn for hours everyday and i realised that i was falling for him. at easter he came down for a week and we got together had a few snogs, nothing else, we decided to give it a try.

    to cut a long story short it didnt work i couldnt cope with the distance i cried myself to sleep every night.i was more happy being friends. i told him everything about me and i still do. i went up to his in the beginning of the hols and the feelings where still there but by then i had a new boyfriend who i am still with and like very much.

    i saw my him again at the reading festival and this time we did sort alot of things out and we both decided that we was to young and not mature enough to handle the relationship.

    hopefully when the time is right we will get back together someday and give it another shot but at the mo hes happy with hes life and im happy with mine and i still have my best friend in the world like someone said before!

    sorry that i went abit off the point but they can work if you really want them to and two hours isnt as much as 5 hours so maybe it work. good luck and have fun!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As Sa-ra-ra-ra say's all relationships can fail.

    People who live close to eachother break up, but when it's long distance it's a another hurdle to jump.

    The hardest bit of it all, is the goodbyes. Yes you know you're going to see each other again in a couple of weeks but for the next couple of day's you feel really down. :(

    We've chatted about how hard the goodbyes are and how painful they are but we've agreed that the pain is worth it when we are actually together because we feel so happy and we try and make every meeting special.

    I suppose that it's a good sign that we miss each other so much but it is very difficult. I'd find hard to be just friends because I'd be comparing everyone I meet to her.

    Generally I'm really low on confidence and very pessimistic by nature thinking that no one would look twice at me but she has come along and shown that is not the case. We'll see what happens, thanks for your opinions anyway, quite a popular thread this one :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its like all relationships some work some don't.

    I'd been with my boyfriend 2 years when he took a job at the other end of the country (9 hour journey). We were apart for another 2 years while I finished my degree. Then we moved in together. That was 9 years ago and we're still together. It wasn't plain sailing and we had our ups and downs. But some things are worth working hard for.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My brother lived 100 miles from his future wife for about 12 months I at least think before they moved in together.
    I lived 100 miles from someone I was mad about once, and it fizzled out for various reasons, none of which were the distance.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi.Im also in a long distance relationship.I live in doncaster and he lives in wolverhampton.We dont get to see each other very often but we are in love.We have been together 1 month and 2 weeks on sunday.Long distance relationships are hard,but if u love each other u can make it work.We talk,text,chat on line,and e mail each other everyday.I say go for it.Good luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mine didn't work...dammit!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose it just depends on how much you really like/love this person. I believe long distance relationships can work for a time. I am moving to America to be with my B/F after christmas,now thats long distance! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My Long Distance is working so far

    well ive been in a long distance boyfriend for nearly 4 months now :eek: i find it hard somtimes because i cant see him all the time and theres times where i feel really alone without him :( but its worked so far we live about 300 miles apart! what makes it difficult is that we have a largeish age gap im 15 hes 19 s he can drive n i cant which means he can drive down and c me but i cant get to him!

    so overall they do work you just need to be strong and try as hard as you can as long as you trust ur partner things should go smoothly

    :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bootylicous
    I suppose it just depends on how much you really like/love this person. I believe long distance relationships can work for a time. I am moving to America to be with my B/F after christmas,now thats long distance! :)

    4300 miles and it sucks but I have no doubts we will make it. It is only for a little while and then we have all the time in the world.

    Long distances relationships can work if you can talk enough and we can. Communication and trust are the two keys. As important as these are to "normal" relationships, they are even more vital to long distance relationships. It takes a real commitment from both sides.

    I love you baby.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awwww
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    long distance rels are hard, but definately worth it. mine however went pear shaped and we were only an hour from each other. on the upper side tho, my uncle (living here in the UK) has been seeing his girlfriend for 8 months, she lives in Sweden.
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