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To do or not to do

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
split up with my b/f but still love him and want him back. A week ago we ended up in bed together and fooling around. Now i don't know what to do, should i tell him how i feel or not.

If i do tell him, i would be too embarassed to say it to his face so do you think i should write a letter? slightly unsure what to do, any serious help would be appreciated.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I went throught his stage when i split up with one of my x's, i think the best thing you can do is avoid this guy, dont get back into the situation of sleepin with hem or anything, just act like you were never together.

    If, in a month or so, you feel exactly the same, then maybe you should tell him how you feel, but until then just keep your mouth shut! Thats my 2p worth neway! xx p.s, its not easy ut its worth it when/if your feeling change
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    speak to him, preferably face to face even though its gonna be hard!! if u dont tell him u'll never know how he feels and u'll regret it for a long long time to come
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    now i'm confused because i have been given two different answers both complete opposites.

    Tell him or ignore him???
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would probably agree more with sugar&spice, because you've just split with him and it may be that you miss what you used to have with him, and not what you actually would have if you went out with him again.

    So I'd advise you to wait a while, see how things go, and then if you're feelings are the same, definitely go for it like shzza says, face to face. If you're too shy to risk rejection then he can't mean all that much to you!

    That's just my opinion because I usually advise people to go for it if they're unsure, otherwise they'll end up regretting it. But in your case I'm wondering if you're just feeling withdrawal symptoms.... why did you split up in the first place?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest with you I really don't have a clue why we split, i have been told different reasons, it was a mutual thing but his mates told me "He liked you to much" and "He doesn't have enough time for you". Thanks for the help though
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you think sending him a letter to tell him would be a good idea or not????

    PLEASE HELP ME
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    foxy, definitely don't write him a letter.

    if you still love him like you say, then you need to tell him that, face-to-face, especially if you are going to continue sleeping with him.

    because if you don't, then he won't consider his g/f, making this a casual relationship. and how will you feel should you find out he's sleeping with other people at the same time because you guys are no longer exclusive?

    and if when you talk to him, be prepared to walk away if he says he wants to keep things the way they are, meaning he wants to use you for casual sex. that will only make things a ton worse because of your feelings for him. it'll hurt to have to walk away, but it has to be done.

    good luck.

    [This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 03-06-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't spoken to him since we fooled around that night. I really don't know what i should say to him, and i know there is a chance of him rejecting me and just wanting to remain friends but i will never forgive myself if i keep quiet
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i am kind of a love letter girl.

    Every guy i send a letter to i always regret it. i mean its there as evidence against you lol if i were u id do it over the phoen <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    but thats just cuz im a chicken

    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    in my non experience, getting back with ur bf is not gonna work anyways. u split up once for good reasons. things change when ur apart and u try to forget the bad times and just remember what was good about it, and end up convinving urself that u should be back with him.

    when/if u do get back with him, u realise all over again the reasons why u split up.

    it's not really worth it, is it?

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    True Turtle.

    You must have broken up for a reason, and that reason will still be there if you get back together.

    I'd say forget him and find someone else. It's not like he's the only bloke in the world
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Turtle:
    u try to forget the bad times and just remember what was good about it

    Well in your non-experience you seem to have hit the nail on the head dude, well done <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    Originally posted by Turtle:
    in my non experience, getting back with ur bf is not gonna work anyways. u split up once for good reasons. things change when ur apart and u try to forget the bad times and just remember what was good about it, and end up convinving urself that u should be back with him.

    that's exactly it. ive seen it happen so many times, and been involved myself too. after i found out my ex long term bf had got a new gf soon after we split up, i was devastated, i talked to him on the phone and was practically begging to go out with him again and convinced myself and tried to convince him it was worth it, due to thegood times and the things we shared. but he hurt me incredibly with the things he said on the phone and im not going to forget them. but getting back with each other would have been a mistake, id have punished him emotionally for going out with that girl (i was suspicious/jealous of her anyway)... and all our problems would have been magnified. in fact my pride was hurt so much i still feel like somehow getting in contact with him to show him im over him and stuff... but that would prove i wasnt, if i felt the need to say all that. and anyway, i dont really feel the need. i just want to get him back somehow for how he hurt me, but at the same time i know thats just me being vindictive and its unnecessary, for either of us, im happy without him and it was the right thing to do, break up. but i dont know what woudl happen if we ever saw each other again. in teh wayof how the conversation would go, i know theres no danger of us getting back together ever.

    when a relationship ends, i think its best to have time away from each other, even if youre trying to be friends afterwards, remember the good times, learn from the bad, and move on. if everyone could do that, the world of relationships would be a much smoother, simpler place <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    so yeah, go with the advice given above i think, about giving it some time and seeing how you feel still. dont tell him straightaway, give yourself time to think. rebound is a funny thing... makes you think you have feelings for people you in fact dont, just coz they pay you some attention, which you're craving after a relationship break up.

    i dont see anything wrong with writing letters btw, im all for them and other methods of written communication myself <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
    ~ the late, great Douglas Adams
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Turtle:
    in my non experience, getting back with ur bf is not gonna work anyways. u split up once for good reasons. things change when ur apart and u try to forget the bad times and just remember what was good about it, and end up convinving urself that u should be back with him.

    when/if u do get back with him, u realise all over again the reasons why u split up.

    it's not really worth it, is it?


    sorry but I don't agree with that I think breaking up and getting back together is just part of the up's and down's of a relationship. U never realize what u have untill u lose it and all that stuff people say.
    If u love this guy as u say u do then bite the bullet and tell him, if he doesn't feel the same way then hey atleast u know u did all u could to save u guys and can walk away with no regrets either way good luck foxy_fi oh yea and alittle late i guess but hi and welcome to the site <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd give it time....time aprat then try and get back with him if you still feel the same. Write him a letter and tell him what your feeling.

    But i don't know why you split up?????
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *Foxy_Fi*:
    To be honest with you I really don't have a clue why we split, i have been told different reasons, it was a mutual thing but his mates told me "He liked you to much" and "He doesn't have enough time for you".

    She already answered your question Kat <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all you help people. I am still very confused on what to do but i guess the main view by you all is to forget him and move on, however hard it will be...

    I guess this is what i have to do.

    Thanks xx xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had this with my ex.
    It hurt a helluva lot. We broke up in jan. I was sleepin with him up untill the 2nd of may.

    It hurts a lot. cos u think at the back of ur mind subconciously that if u do this 4 him then he'll realise how much he misses u and he'll want u back. Honey i found out the hard way it just doesnt work like that.

    I wote him a letter.But didnt send it. I think as pointess as it sounds its a good idea. Write it wait a month then if nothings changed send it.

    It hurt me a lot cos my feeelings didnt (and havent) changed. But i knew hed moved on. Like i found out that he was sleepin with other ppl too which i normally wouldnt stand 4 but did. He started goin out with other ppl and i purposefully invited him over and well....seduced him if u will. I did this to two different gfs of his. I duno why. It was like they had what i wanted so i had to be a bitch to them just to prove that they weren't all that. And then id see them in the pub and theyd smile a really smug smile and hold onto his arm as if it was like look at me and who ive got. And it just gave me something to throw back @ them i guess.

    (That was all kinda off the point but does illustrate how much of a bitch u get if u get too into something u cant have)

    And im not guna lie to u. I still REALLY want him back. Like whenever i see him i get butterflys and want him back. If he walked in here now and said cum back i wouldnt hessitate. I think its just guna take time. Just try and avoid him. I promise it does get easier the longer ur appart but just dont get physical again cos it makes it sooo much harder.



    I thought when my love for you died, I should die too. It is dead but strangely, I live on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey. i think that if u are gonna send him a letter u wud really want to be sure wat ur writing is how u really feel. because if he decides that ur relationship is definetly over, he will still have ur letter. ur feelings might change and u cud end up being embarassed by what u wrote. its happened to me be4 but in a different context. good luck anyways in whatever happens <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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