Falling for my room mate.

Former Member

Hi so I'm a guy that had a new room mate move into my home that is female. This is the first time that I have ever lived with a female in this capacity and it's still quite new to me. I am a type of guy who for a long while was looking to find someone to fall in love with and get married. However my dating experiences over the last few years have left me frustrated and feeling at a loss. So turning the negatives into positives I decided to stop dating, do the things that I want to do and enjoy my singe life - work hard, travel, focus on true friends etc...

Well I haven't dated in a long while and now this beautiful girl lives with me! all and all it would make sense to have "new girl syndrome right?". We are both around the same age. We both have so much in common - I have my man cave full of geek bits, she has a smaller version and we generally spend a lot of time together and seem to want the same things in life pretty much. But here lies the problem - we live together! And not only has it taken me a long time to find the right one to live with including living with a violent ex and then previous tenants stealing off me, not paying rent, the list goes on... she is so very different.

I am at least honest with myself and admit I'm starting to have feelings for her. I am the type of guy whom can fall too hard to soon. I've already seen signs that I'm falling for her though but really unsure how she feels although there have been a lot of hints she could feel the same.

I know I can't just come out and tell her; far from want to be the creepy room mate and I know that it might scare her if I did or she could just leave, plus not to mention it would make things awkward.

I need advice on this ladies and gents as I just don't want to screw things up and ruin a chance for me to finally find somebody but at the same time I love how relaxed the home is with her there.

What would you do if you were me?

Former Member

Hey, welcome

Have u sat down to speak her about it

Former Member

Just ask her if she wants to go out in the evenings to do stuff. You can do this under the pretense of getting out (instead of sitting at home) and to know each other better. Feel her out a bit and see how she reacts and behaves herself around you. If you do that a couple times, you should have a crude idea if there is something from her side too.

Former Member

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply; appreciated.

There is an old saying "fools rush in" and in all honesty it has taken quite a while to have a relaxed home so no point in taking any risks now. I think I am going to just play it cool and what will be, will be. In the mean time I may go out on a few dates although life is great on my own it could be fun to share it with two... life's too short to shut too many doors.

Former Member

MyOwnPrison wrote: »

I may go out on a few dates

If you mean different girls, that can be a good idea too. It distracts you from your roommate, since you already recognized, screwing the crew often brings a slew of problems with you.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

If you mean different girls, that can be a good idea too. It distracts you from your roommate, since you already recognized, screwing the crew often brings a slew of problems with you.

Yep

Former Member

Hey MyOwnPrison :wave:

Thanks for sharing, first off it sucks that you've had some bad experiences in the past with an ex and previous tenants, so great that your current room mate is better to live with!

As for your feelings for her, it sounds like you genuinely like her and both have things in common so it makes sense that you enjoy to spend time together. The question is whether this is as friends or as something more :chin:

I've already seen signs that I'm falling for her though but really unsure how she feels although there have been a lot of hints she could feel the same.

It's totally understandable that you don't want to rush in just in case she doesn't feel the same way. What kind of hints has she given you?

no point in taking any risks now

It sounds like you might already have an idea of what you think you'll do. It seems sensible to take things slowly and to enjoy her company when you can also enjoy your peaceful home. Perhaps think of the positives- that you've got a reliable room mate who you get along with; anything additional is a bonus

Former Member

So ignoring my better judgement, we kissed, it was great however things are now very awkward, we spent most of last night talking about it, the general consensus neither regret it nor mind it happened but in limbo if we want anything too serious.

So my question do we take some space (chance of overtime at work for me) or do we try and talk it through?

Former Member

Hi MyOwnPrison,

Thanks for the update. It's great that you got the chance to have a chat about what happened and from what you've said you're still looking for claification as to what you both want.

You mention that things are awkward at the moment, how so? Do you think there are things that need to be said that you both haven't got round to talking about?

Maybe you can still spend time with her but give her some time to bring up the subject if she wants to?

Former Member

Don't avoid her, the more time you spend being weird, the weirder it'll get. Do some things together where you don't need to interact - go to the library or something if you're students, watch a film, take a nap, go food shopping. Don't do the overtime.

Also, you think that you'll be kissing her again? Maybe don't shit where you eat. Enjoy hanging out and being good friends for the time being and then when one of you moves out start thinking about dating her.

Former Member

don't rush thing, just play it cool. Enjoy every moment hanging out with her.

Former Member

So as a few of you were nice enough to reply I thought I would be nice to keep you updated.

We have decided we are going to give it a go - we clearly like each other, quite honest when talking about it and the fact we both come from hard relationships, both live together and did start out as "room mates" doesn't bother us, regardless of the [risks] we feel it's worth a try at least.

So day by day, watch this space

Former Member

MyOwnPrison wrote: »

So as a few of you were nice enough to reply I thought I would be nice to keep you updated.

We have decided we are going to give it a go - we clearly like each other, quite honest when talking about it and the fact we both come from hard relationships, both live together and did start out as "room mates" doesn't bother us, regardless of the [risks] we feel it's worth a try at least.

So day by day, watch this space

That's great news, well done for talking it out! Good luck!

Former Member

MyOwnPrison wrote: »

So as a few of you were nice enough to reply I thought I would be nice to keep you updated.

We have decided we are going to give it a go - we clearly like each other, quite honest when talking about it and the fact we both come from hard relationships, both live together and did start out as "room mates" doesn't bother us, regardless of the [risks] we feel it's worth a try at least.
Good for the both of you.
Life is full of risk. Just do what makes you happy.
So day by day, watch this space

Good for the both of you.
Life is full of risk. Just do what makes you happy.