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Can't stop obsessing over boyfriend's height.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just over 2 years. When I met him I thought he was the most amazing person ever, but recently I've been noticing more and more faults that he has, and the one I can't stop obsessing over is his height. He's really small, only a tiny bit taller than me, and I can't stop noticing it - whenever we're standing with other people I become instantly aware of how short he is, and become worried that people will think he's weird, or laugh about him behind his back because he's so much smaller.

I know it's awful because there's nothing he can do about it, and I should just accept it and move on, but it becomes obsessive and I don't know what to do. I need to just stop worrying about it, as it doesn't even matter anyway, and I just feel like a terrible person.
What should I do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey cowboy1,

    It's quite normal to start to notice things about your partner, especially if you've been with them for a while - sometimes things you've not even been aware that are suddenly staring you in the face!

    You're not a terrible person though, try not to think that. You're right in saying that his height is something he can't help though, and if you take a step back consider is it something that would prevent you from being with him? It doesn't affect his personality and all the other things that made you want to be with him :) I bet no one else notices too, don't worry! It's probably just because you have that you think other people do too! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cowboy1 wrote: »
    Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just over 2 years. When I met him I thought he was the most amazing person ever, but recently I've been noticing more and more faults that he has, and the one I can't stop obsessing over is his height. He's really small, only a tiny bit taller than me, and I can't stop noticing it - whenever we're standing with other people I become instantly aware of how short he is, and become worried that people will think he's weird, or laugh about him behind his back because he's so much smaller.

    I know it's awful because there's nothing he can do about it, and I should just accept it and move on, but it becomes obsessive and I don't know what to do. I need to just stop worrying about it, as it doesn't even matter anyway, and I just feel like a terrible person.
    What should I do?

    Are you for real? His height is his "fault"? Did he do something wrong in life that he remained short?

    You are not concerned that HE is made fun of, you are concerned that YOU will be made fun of for being with a shorter boyfriend.

    How about this for a suggestion: You just accept how tall your boyfriend is and stand up for him if someone makes fun of him or you leave him so he can be in a relationship with someone who is not so disgustingly shallow. There is no "how do I do this?", you just do it, because the alternative is always finding tiny flaws you can obsess over and ruin every prospective relationship you might have in the future.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cowboy1 wrote: »
    I know it's awful because there's nothing he can do about it, and I should just accept it and move on, but it becomes obsessive and I don't know what to do. I need to just stop worrying about it, as it doesn't even matter anyway, and I just feel like a terrible person.
    What should I do?

    I think that cowboy recognises that this isn't a nice feeling to have and is posting openly here to try and get some help and perspective.

    One thing that is worth picking up on however that Strubbles mentions is whether this is a pattern for you in relationships? This feeling of obsessing over something small, it could almost be a way of sabotaging the relationship in your head or indeed a sign that something isn't quite right.

    When we start to notice only someone's faults or things we want to change in them it may be that our feelings for them have changed in some way and we're looking for a way out or a reason to end things. This may not be the case for you but I wonder how do you feel about the relationship in general? Are you keen to stay with him?

    The more open you can be with each other the better - how are things between the two of you at the moment?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello cowboy1,
    I know its been a while since you have posted here, but how are you doing? :)
    Have you listened to all of our friends advices here? Did anything help? :)
    I think you shouldnt worry about his height too much, especially because for more than two years it hasnt been an issue for you. Your boyfriend is still the same person, you are just learning more things about him every day. Just like NatalieW said - it's quite normal to start noticing things about your partner that you havent noticed before. :) so, because this is not major and nothing can change his height, try to focus on it less and everything will be okay. :)
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