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Urge to self harm because of physical illness

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I want to cut.

I have a condition called EoE -Eosinophilic Esophagitis and I've had it for 12 years now and the budesonide medication was working but has just stopped working, I think maybe I'm immune to them now. The consultant can't bring my appointment forward because he is on annual leave, so my christmas is fucked before its even started. Its physically exhausting fighting with your body because food becomes impacted and then continuously vomiting for hours then belching very loudly, its really getting me down now. I just want to self harm because that would be my way of saying how much I fucking hate it, hate my gullet and to release this emotion I got going on because of it.

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hi starlight,

    The physical pain you're experiencing sounds really distressing - it's understandable you're struggling so much with it. Particularly at Christmas when people get excited about rich foods.

    You say your medication has stopped working and there's nothing your consultant can do before Christmas because of annual leave. I'm really sorry to hear this, it sounds pretty unfair. I'm wondering whether there's an alternative consultant? Or if you were to go to A&E because of the pain, they might be able to refer you for walk-in treatment? It doesn't seem right that you should be left to suffer because of one person's holiday given your medication isn't working as it was before.

    In terms of your harming, you talk about using it as a way to express your distress about this physical problem. It's positive that you're able to express that here and I'm wondering if you've ever found comfort in expressing yourself in other ways, or in just being able to get all the hatred off your chest?

    You might find it helpful to email or text TESS? They work specifically with people who are harming or have urges.

    While you may find cutting a release initially, it's also possible you may feel worse off in the long-run if you add pain to pain, so one option is to explore some alternative coping mechanisms. Here's some ideas for coping with anger that may help.

    *hug*
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