Happening all over again...

Former Member

Every time I get close to someone, and want to move on in my life my mother seems to go into this cycle of emotional blackmail and everything having to suit her. She is constantly telling me that I am shouting at her and that I'm not considerate of her and everything has to be on her terms. She currently lives with me and I've said to her that I now don't want her to move with me when I do a council house transfer because I'm sick to death of how she's behaving. I feel like she's trying to manipulate me into doing what works best for her and not what's best for me. I'm aware I'm angry right now but what can I do? She's constantly slating MrRiot or me for doing things for him and I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.

What do I do? I don't want to make her homeless but I can't bare the thought of her coming with us and causing more issues.

Former Member

Hey Miss_Riot,

I'm sorry to hear about how your mum is making you feel - I imagine that's a really tough situation to be in

You need to put yourself first and be really honest with your mum about every single thing if you haven't already - this will give her the chance to change and I think will make your decision much easier.

Are there any family friends that could or would take your mum in for a while if that's what you decide?

Former Member

It's difficult to talk to her about pretty much anything without it becoming an argument. We were going to talk this evening and we couldn't even agree on ground rules for talking without it becoming an argument. She's now gone to bed after huffing and puffing for 30 mins on the sofa after dinner...no idea what I can do to sort this out.

She doesn't have anyone she can stay with nearby, she has a friend 50 miles away but she would play the "you're throwing me out card" and if they can't or won't take her then it's the other side of the country.

Danny!

I'm sorry things are so hard with your Mum at the moment I agree with Butterfly that you need to make sure you look after yourself. I know your Mum needs help too, but that's not only your responsibility.

I just wondered, might it work to set some sort ultimatum in terms of communication. Something along the lines of "I really want to be able to talk to you about this, but we can't keep living together unless we can have a reasonable conversation about things". I know it's really hard, but might this be a good time to put your foot down about certain things?

Former Member

Things have sort of calmed down but she is in an awful state of mind - getting triggered left right and centre and having loads of flashbacks and panic attacks. She isn't getting any help (asides from occasional appointments with the local sexual assault referral centre) and she won't go to the doctors because she hate counsellors and won't contemplate meds.