Need help i dont know who i am

Former Member

hello there my name is matthew

im 23


since i was 15 i have been feeling more female than male

i like watching girly tv shows which is more suited for them

and i prefer to wear the desired genders clothing as i feel more of who i am supose to be tho i keep this secret from my family who are not supportive when it comes to what im experiencing

could you tell me what my condition is
or what is up with me

im lost here

regards matthew

**helen**

Hi Matthew,

Looks like you were online in the early hours, glad you found us, but hope you're able to get some sleep too.

From what you've told us here it sounds like you're experiencing quite a lot of anxiety in relation to your gender. You're a young male, but say you've felt more like a woman since you were 15. Keeping this a secret must be a weight on your shoulders, so it's really positive that you're seeking out places where you can be open and honest about your feelings.

It sounds like you're experiencing a form of gender variance - this is a term used to capture a range of behaviours or expressions that don't match typical gender norms - for example behaviours like wanting to dress in women's clothes (transvestitism) right through to having surgery to physically change sex (transgender). Some people talk about gender identity disorder, but I think that's just one piece of a much bigger puzzle when it comes to positioning people on the gender spectrum.

You can read up on Gender Variance in detail on the Gires website here. The articles are pretty heavy on the information side though, so if you have trouble processing what you find then do of course come back and ask us! :yes:

Gender variance is experienced by about 1% of the population in the UK and there are certainly other young people here on TS who have experiences who might be able to offer some advice/support. There are also other organisations that can help you explore your feelings and experiences to help you come to terms with them and help you to find a way forward - the Gender Trust may well be a good place to start.

Would be good to hear a bit more from you if you feel up to posting again.