Difficulties with Sex..

Former Member

As much as I joke around about 'sex' my sex life is practically non-existent, I seem to be finding any excuse I can not to have sex and then was recently 'told' i had Vaginismus, as everytime I tried having it..It was really painfull, and they put this down to childhood trauma...

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this, and how they 'overcome' it...

Former Member

Hi

This can be sorted out but you need to take a deep breath and go and see your GP.

Regards

Shirl

**helen**

Hey Em,

When you talk about avoiding sex, do you mean altogether? For instance, do you feel uncomfortable with physical intimacy and other foreplay, or is it specifically penetrative sex that's causing you this worry and pain?

I know you've explicitly asked for some personal experiences, but just wanted to chip in and say that if sexual intimacy is an ongoing problem for you then this could be worth exploring with someone in a therapeutic setting - someone like a sex therapist would be trained to support people who have experienced trauma. Often these days places like Brook or a local GUM clinic can make a referral for this kind of thing, but it would require you to be open with them to an extent and may involve some prior testing - quite often they insist on ruling out any STI related pain before exploring psychosexual possibilities (emotional blocks to sex).

Hopefully some others will be willing to share a little from a personal point of view, but would be good to hear how you feel about visiting somewhere like Brook for support.

*hug*

Former Member

Hey Helen

Its quite a combination of the both really, Mainly penetrative sex. but then again I get kinda anxious about doing other things in case it leads to it. I spoke to brook before, i went for a checkup about my Implant and spoke to them about the issues I have, thats who said I have that.."condition" thing.. I've already been tested for STIs and stuff..

**helen**

Ahh OK good to hear you've been already, did they give you any decent suggestions on how to deal with it? Might be worth a follow-up with them if not as they may still be able to refer you for some specific support.

The embarrassing problems website says:

Treatment. Vaginismus can be helped. Relate, the counselling organization, reports that of 3693 women seen over a 2-year period, 80% improved with therapy.

You can read more here: http://www.embarrassingproblems.com/problem/sexual-worries/vagina-too-tight

Former Member

You can get psychosexual therapy which can help, you can also get dilator kits which help with the physical side of being too tight and can get you to loosen up. I've not had Vaginismus personally but my best friend did for years and she just learnt relaxation techniques. I used to have pain during sex and learnt that being completely in the moment really helped - sexual mindfulness I guess!

Former Member

I have pain during sex and as Miss_Riot says, being completely in the moment helps. If you're with someone you have very real feelings for and you feel relaxed then I'm not saying the pain will disappear but it's as though you don't feel it much because you want to be there, you want to be having that close intimacy with whoever.

I got referred to a gynaecologist about this which didn't at all help so I don't really know what to suggest apart from make sure you're as relaxed as you can be and I do hope this eventually gets sorted for you *hug*