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Feeling a bit lost
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
First of all I will state I'm coming off very strong pain medication which has NRI qualities to it, and I'm going through a lot of changes in my life right now (hoping to move house soon, coming off meds, doing a fair bit of physical rehab to get myself walking better and be in less pain, trying to get myself more organised and I still have the court case against my father pending).
Right now I am feeling really low and I don't even have a reason for it - ok, things aren't perfect in my life, I'm having issues with both Riotmama and MrRiot, but I have a roof over my head, I'm not up financial shit creek, I'm getting to do some of what I want to do in life, but I'm finding myself feeling really scared about moving forward with my life and really being unsure of how to do it. I keep getting really teary for no particular reason and getting fixated on stuff and then beating myself up about it (currently its organisation or my lack of it and how hard I am finding it to apply myself to it).
I can't get any therapy because of this court case, and I've only really got one close friend who I feel like I can tell everything too...MrRiot is dealing with his own stuff right now and is probably a bit depressed himself but I have no idea what I can do to help if anything because he doesn't like to talk about past stuff.
I feel like I'm clinging on and everyone around me thinks I'm over reacting to everything
Right now I am feeling really low and I don't even have a reason for it - ok, things aren't perfect in my life, I'm having issues with both Riotmama and MrRiot, but I have a roof over my head, I'm not up financial shit creek, I'm getting to do some of what I want to do in life, but I'm finding myself feeling really scared about moving forward with my life and really being unsure of how to do it. I keep getting really teary for no particular reason and getting fixated on stuff and then beating myself up about it (currently its organisation or my lack of it and how hard I am finding it to apply myself to it).
I can't get any therapy because of this court case, and I've only really got one close friend who I feel like I can tell everything too...MrRiot is dealing with his own stuff right now and is probably a bit depressed himself but I have no idea what I can do to help if anything because he doesn't like to talk about past stuff.
I feel like I'm clinging on and everyone around me thinks I'm over reacting to everything
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Comments
It's understandable that you're feeling scared and teary with everything that's going on for you at the moment. Having issues with people close to you is always difficult, especially if it means that you're short on people to talk to. Would you be able to talk thing through with a helpline like SupportLine? I know it's not the same as therapy, but it could still help a bit?
Or are there other less close relationships (friends, family), that you might be ale to develop a bit more and talk with those people as well?
it's a shame MrRiot doesn't feel like talking through what's going on for him, it sounds like it might be good for him. But you're right that you can't force him if he doesn't want to. Rather than going straight for what you're both feeling, could you take a step back and talk about the fact that you're both struggling at the moment, and have a discussion about the best ways in which you could support each other?
Do try not to beat yourself up about things or tell yourself you're over-reacting. It's completely normal that when some things are too much to handle the feeling spills over into other parts of your life. I think that people often use the concept of "over-reacting" in an unhelpful way. If a reaction seems too strong for a given situation, then maybe it just means we're reacting to other things as well?
That's really good It's a stereotype, but guys often do find it easier to ask for practical rather than emotional help. Being able to ask for help and receive it is a really great step, which could have a lot of benefit in itself both for him and for your relationship.
I think people often have a real psychological block on accepting that something's really wrong. It sounds like she's starting to accept something though. If you can positively reinforce anything she says that suggests she is accepting that something's wrong, but not push her too hard, that might help to find her own forward. And make sure she knows that if she wants to talk about something emotional then you'll find space for her.
But do make sure you're looking after yourself as well. I don't know your living situation - are you living with her? While you obviously want the best for her and to be able to help, you have your own struggles as well, and your own needs for support which it sounds like she's not able to offer at the moment. It might be worth thinking about some limits as to what you can handle before you get into situations. For example "I will stay and be supportive but only for so long each day", or "I'll be supportive when she's upset, but take some space when it includes directing her feelings at me".