My anxiety or my relationship

Former Member

I'm new to this website, but could really do with anvice for anyone who's got the time to help

I'v been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, and its always been an up and down relationship, and by that I mean we can be arguing one week, then happy as anything and planning some crazy fairly-tail future together the next. In the past we have had to split up due to his inability to deal with my anxiety, most recently I left him in July, we split up for 2 months as it was all getting to much for me to handle, he is rather childish about my anxiety and although I've spent a lot of time trying to help him to understand it so that he is in a better position to support me, he will still seem to make it worse. We've been back together about 2-3 months now yet things are taking a turn for the worse. My anxiety which I had mostly gained control over again during the summer has returned, and I'm back to being in tears most days, unable to sleep, and wanting to self harm again (although I'm proud to say still 'clean' for 5 months). He chose to blame my anxiety for everything that happens, and any argument as it doesn't seem possible that I might get annoyed with him lying to me/spending a lot of money on drugs etc. I'm just really struggling to decide between my relationship with this guy, or whether its best for me to end it in order to keep myself happy and safe in the long run Any advice would be a real help

Former Member

Any relationship that make your health suffer is not worth it. He quite clearly affects your health in a negative way and despite you giving him the opportunity and knowledge to improve, he hasn't bothered. On top of this, he's lying.

Went do you want to stay in the relationship?

Former Member

Completely agree with 'roo here! I once was in a similar position and told him to go sling his hook because I couldn't take the pain anymore. Was a very good choice in the end!

Former Member

He is like a drug you are coming back to. Whenever you are "on" him, you get worse. I don't know what else you need to hear.

Former Member

Hi there Missuchiha , thanks for posting and welcome to the boards :wave:

Anxiety in itself is already hard to deal with, let alone when in a relationship. You've clearly tried many times to make your bf understand what you're going through, but it seems like he's still struggling to sympathise and even uses it as a reason for your arguments. It's really important to be able to trust your partner and feel understood when dealing with anxiety and unfortunately it seems like you don't feel like this at the moment.

You say the time apart you had in summer really helped you gain control over this anxiety, which is great. Can you pinpoint what helped you during this time?
On the other hand, you mention he makes your anxiety worse - are you able to identify how?

Trying to break down the causes that trigger (as well as calm) your anxiety could really help you in the long run :yes:

Have a look at our website that explores mental health and love/relationships called madly in love which can help.

Do let us know how you get on *hug*

Former Member

Hey there,

Been through a similar situation. Ended things with a guy I was seeing for only 2 months, because he wasn't supporting me enough with my anxiety, which has been quite bad.

I finally put my health and wellbeing first and although I am upset that my relationship didn't go through, I am also happy because I trusted my instinct and know that in the long run it will benefit me and that I have the chance to meet a new man who will be there and is much more supportive and mature.

You should definitely go with your instinct and what your heart says. Ask if you feel like you can do better and would your health get better in the long run if you weren't with this man

Good luck
R xx