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My 'short' story...[Warning- Long]

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm here because there has been a lot going on in the past year, that for the most part I've been keeping to myself (and just writing down in my book), and now I've decided that it might be best for me to start sharing and hopefully get some feed back on some issues.
Should I start from the beginning? Sure...
I was born on...just kidding... I was in a long term relationship with who I thought was the guy for me, but how I was so wrong. Yes, he was nice and financially stable but we shared no interests together and he had a bad habit of putting me down without knowing it. I stayed with him and kept telling myself I was happy and everything was alright even though I cried myself to sleep most nights. I should have left at so many points during our relationship. He talked to other girls online, he cheated (or fooled about, I didn't get actual proof of), and just the emotional wear and tear I endured. He didn't show any emotions, especially when I needed him to the most like when I found out I was pregnant.
We went about our lives and I went ahead and had the child in 2011, a beautiful baby boy. A year later we married. I thought it was a smart choice and the only option I had. The days kept coming and my emotions got worse. There were so many days I wish I hadn't had a child because then I could just off myself.
And that brings me to the point where my life starts to change. About a year ago, when we started to look for a home to buy, I started to realize that this isn't what I wanted, that I wasn't happy and I didn't need to just deal with it. The new year came and I told him we needed to really think about what we are doing with ourselves and if we continue? And why?
Again, he remained emotionless and he never responded or talked to me about it again. I then decided it was done. I went to him and told him it was over. I was scared. We just got married and now I'll be looking at divorce so early. What will people think? I thought to myself that I will never allow myself to be with another, and that wouldn't be a problem. How could one want to be with a single mom like me? (At this point myself self esteem was really low, it still is to this day).

Never thought I'd be finding someone in my life after all of that, and never imagined it to be this year. But I had a friend through a game we played together. We've all been talking for months at this point but then him and I started talking more and more. I started liking him, but I convinced myself no. Instead I talked with him when he was trying to figure out his situation with a long distance online relationship. I talked to him everyday, allowing him to rant, trying to help him work it out, give him advice when I could. Well after that was over and we were both single, we talked more and more. We started figuring out one another and I admitted to him that I might have started liking him, and then he admitted it too.
We kept talking and even though we had yet to meet one another, decided to start a long distance relationship. He lived in Canada, and I near the Boston area. I still had a passport so made plans for a vacation to go see him. That week came and it was unbelievable. We both enjoyed the time together so much and it hurt leaving. I went up again for a weekend again after that. Then he decided to come down and stay the summer after I moved and settled myself into my new apartment (another big step and change in my life).
We've now been dating for 8 months but it feels so much longer and we both are very comfortable with on another. It is hard to be apart, but because of a few medical issues he has and schooling, it is hard for him to try and move down to my home area. So instead I made the hard choice of trying to move to Canada. At the moment I am here just staying until the holidays and then I'll be back home alone for two months to figure everything out. I miss my son but get to talk to him a lot, and I miss working but I enjoy the break from it all. I'm worried that this is another mistake sometimes but really looking at it, there is something that just feels right. I am actually happy. The only times I get bad emotions are when I think of the scenarios of my previous relationships.

There is a lot to still figure out but I'm excited for these changes and I can't wait to see where this path leads me.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Lee2ab :)

    Firstly, welcome to TheSite, it's a great place for people to share how they feel about whatever might be affecting them in their life. It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with, I hope writing it out has been helpful? You mentioned that you have been keeping a log of how our feel, and this sounds like it's a great way to manage your emotions?

    From reading your post, what struck me was that you have been through some really tough situations - and I'm sorry to hear that your marriage didn't work out. It sounds like you really did try to make things work, despite some really hard challenges. I have to say that it's a hard step realizing that things aren't working, and then doing something about it. How is your relationship with your son's father now?

    It's great to hear that your life is turning a corner, it sounds like moving to Canada is working out well for you, and we wish you lots of luck with your new life there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Writing my log has been helping out or so I feel because then I don't feel like I have to keep it all on my mind. Still hard because I haven't really shared my feeling with anyone, and doing so here I am hoping I can sort of get a new perspective on things.
    My son's father and I do speak, but usually its short, to the point, and then done. His mother is a bit of a controller and I've seen a lot of his actions coming from her. I did have my new boyfriend meet up with my son's father (because he is around our child now) which was very awkward to say the least, but the two of them got to talking to reach an understanding of the situation.
    And at the moment, the move to Canada does feel like the right choice for me. I will be much more comfortable and happier though once I get my son's passport and have him be able to stay up here with me some parts of the year.

    Thank you for your kindness!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its great to see this story have a happy ending in it! Hope everything works out for you :) xx
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