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I feel conflicted. Was my supervisor being fair?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My supervisor just said I was doing good recently and then told me she's purposely not talking to me personally so I could act professional. She talks to everyone else about non work related stuff! Before, there were tons of stuff I needed to improve on and I managed to nail most of them. I been at this job for 3 years and prolly actually done good for a couple month.

Anyway, I'm not being self-righteous just bc she told me I'm doing good. I just want justice. I asked her during break that if I' doing good, why is she still not talking to me? She said she's not having this conversation. I exploded and told her how unfair it was. After a back and forth exchange, I went back to work.

I apologized for my behavior at the end of my shift and that I'll see her in a few days when I work. She accepted my apology and said she might call me in before then. Still, I'm very angry. If she thought I was doing good, why won't she talk to me about non work related stuff like she does with other ppl? Everyone else at work talks to me and currently have no problem with me. Oh and btw, my supervisor used to talk to me personally!

Comments

  • PGreenPGreen Moderator Posts: 175 Settling in
    Hi Jane_eyre22

    Personal and professional relationships at work can be confusing in particular when it involves someone who is your supervisor.

    It is great that you are doing really well at work and it's brilliant that your supervisor has shared this with you. You should be really happy with this positive feedback and use it to further develop and impress. Focus on this rather than the lack of a personal relationship, this can take time to build and getting upset and angry about it probably won't help.

    You say you get on with and chat to everyone else at work, so work on building these relationships instead. It's great to have people you can chat to and hangout with at work - it helps to make the time go quicker, it's nice to have someone to chill out with on your breaks and also to rant with when you are annoyed with work (it wouldn't be a good idea for this person to always be your line manager!).

    It can be tricky for a supervisor to know where the boundary is between professional and personal maybe she is finding it hard to do this, the balance between mate and boss is really tough. Continue to impress with your work and maybe she will let her guard down and talk about non work stuff. But in the meantime that's what your other colleagues can be there for :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At the end of the day she's not there to talk to you about personal things. Her telling you she's not having that conversation was correct.

    You're not there to be friends but to do a job
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What usually happens after a person explodes at or have an argument with their supervisor? I go back to work in a couple days but idk how things will be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Looking at your threads, it seems your entire work situation is based around you trying to insist that others talk to you about non-work-related stuff.

    You need to snap out of this and realise that you can't force people to be friends with you.

    The supervisor or whoever else your current target is are completely right to keep things professional. Stop bugging them about it.

    On another note, there's no point in apologising for your behaviour unless you actually mean the apology. Apologising but then continuing to stew about the situation is more than a tad pointless, as it will only serve to irritate the people more if you then continue to go on about the same thing with them later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I won't be doing it again. I lost my prev job over the same thing. I repeatedly begged my coworker Liz to like me. And at school, I got kicked out for "harassing" Jaclyn, when I was only pestering her to like me. Anyway, the past couple months...

    At my current job, I been here almost 3 years. I used to get along with my supervisor until she corrected one of my minor wrongdoing a couple months ago.

    The following day, she didn't say much to me that was non-work related bc of the minor wrongdoing. I saw her make small talk with others tho. I flipped and tried to force myself on her. Then things went back to normal.

    A month later, she was busy and only had time to talk to a few ppl about non work related stuff. I wasn't one of the few so I complained to a coworker that my supervisor wasn't talking to me. My coworker told my supervisor and she was surprised. She denied that she wasn't taking to me and told me she was hurt that I alleged that and not to bring it up again. I sassed her and dared her to write me up.

    Since then, she only talked to me on a social level on avg of once a week. She also said a few times I stress her out. Also, on one of the day she didn't talk to me socially, my body language (depressing) and attitude sucked. She cut down such conversation with me even further.

    I decided maybe I'll be good and maybe earn back the right to talk to her on personal level. My effort paid off and she told me recently that I'm doing good and that she purposely avoids talking non work related stuff with me so I could be more professional. I asked that she talk to me a few hours later, since she had said I'm doing good. She said she's not having this conversation. I exploded and we argued over it for a few minutes b4 I went back to work. Idk...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No wonder she is stressed out. I am stressed out just reading it. You seem extremely needy, how about stop gossiping at work and get on with your Job.

    I seldom socialise in work with my colleagues. That's left for outside of work. And I definitely don't with my direct employees under me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well my coworkers and supervisor all socialize with each other. My supervisor used to socialize with me. Now only my coworkers does (all but 2 of them.) ik I made things worse pestering my supervisor to talk to me. I go back to work tomorrow. How will things be?

    August wasn't the first time my supervisor distanced herself from me for a minor wrongdoing. I been here almost 3 years and she distanced herself from me prolly every few months over performance stuff on my part. It usually lasts a few weeks before she finally talks to me again. August just happens to be the first time I forced myself on her though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why are you so hell bent on socialising in work, it isn't what you're there for,

    Why not just do your job and leave her alone
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My wrongdoing 2 months ago was when I wrongly assumed certain fruits were still being recalled. I complained out loud that it was still on store shelves. She got onto me about it and then distanced herself from me the next day. I just wanna know if I do something wrong, then it is natural for my supervisor to somewhat distance herself from me, right? But when she did, it hurt me so I forced myself on her and made things worse. Which brings me to now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What part of leave her alone do you not get.

    I feel sorry for her putting up with this, you seem nice but are unable to compute the most simple things.

    I appreciate you must be socially akward but just leave her alone and work,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She finally talked to me all of last week (I worked 4 days with her) and beginning of this week, stopped.


    Did I just get blown off?
    A couple days ago, I was getting my stuff from my locker as I was going to lunch at work. The lockers in the same room as my supervisor's office. She was playing music on her computer as she was working. Since she wasn't busy, I went, "I like that song!" There was a 2 second pause between us and then she went, "have a good lunch!" I said I'm sorry and she went, "you're fine!" Then when my coworker went to get her stuff from the locker, my supervisor talked to her a few minutes. Should I have apologized in that instance?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just leave the poor woman alone for crying out loud
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