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I can't be straight-what am I? :'(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dont know what sexuality I am.Please please help me.It is horrible and very very confusing.I am 17 and want to try to work it out,or at least have an idea,before I turn 18.

I know that I am not straight.I watch a LOT of porn,so much so that it feels like an addiction.I have constant sexual dream involving girls,occassionally boys.I have been attracted to girls and their bodies.In the dreams I have,I see myself licking,fingering and having real sex.

The porn videos turn me on and are really painful for me,is that normal?Can anyone help me with the confusion I am suffering from?Its horrible and i feel so ashamed and embarrased :'(:'(


Thanks everyone.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Between straight as an arrow and super-gay is not only bisexual, but a stepless transition. Some dudes would never date anything other than girly girls, but occasionally think about what it'd be like to suck a dick. Many bi-sexual people also have a preference. Like they prefer 70% same sex and only 30% the opposite sex.

    If you dream and fantasize about girls then you can be sure that you are not completely heterosexual (I assume you are a girl). You are just somewhere in between the two polar opposites and it seems like you are a bit more on the gayer side of bisexuality. You don't need to find a label "I am X" or "I am Y", it does not matter, you just date and have sex with who you are attracted to, regardless of genitalia. All you do is put pressure on yourself to find what corner you should stand in, while you should just date/get near/have sex/love what makes you feel tingly in your panties.

    Also, why figuring that out before you turn 18? What's then? Some people really only find out they don't wanna be in a opposite sex relationship, months or years in being in their twenties.

    There should be no feelings of shame or embarrassment. It's just a preference. Some people like pears, some people like apples. Stand up for what you want/prefer and nobody can shame you. If someone says "haha you are gay." then you should think, "what a brilliant observation of that person." instead of being upset. You just like that better and the other person doesn't. Big deal.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey AngelFace,

    Just thought I'd drop in this link, loads of great articles there that might be worth a read.

    You really shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed, how you feel does not change who you are as a person. You can't help who you fall for and it's perfectly okay to like someone of the same sex. If people don't like it then they're the ones that should feel embarrassed.

    Keep us posted *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand what you are saying with that.The thing is,I dont think I am emotionally or sexually attracted to males(though i do like the idea of blowjob and have watched videos on it).(I am a 17 year old girl by the way).

    I feel like once I have found that label though,then I can get on with exploring the sexuality properly.At the moment,I am really struggling to deal with this horrible sexuality confusion,which is no good on top of everything else I have going on.I feel tingly watching lesbian sex but not man-woman(straight)sex.Is that normal?I also get turned on a lot and suffer a lot of pain down below when I watch porn.I watch it so often and it feels shameful etc,again.

    I want to figure it out before I turn 18 as a personal thing.I want to sort out life and feelings I have(all)before I turn 18.I understand that completely though.

    Thats a good example?How can I deal with this level of confusion?I havent got a clue.

    I have never had sex with anyone before but want the first time to be with a girl.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for the link.I just feel that way because ot feels strange to me and I dont know how to deal with all of it,on top of everything else atm.It seems to be really painful for me too, like with watching the porn.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like you are like pretty far on the homosexual side of things then. You mainly want to be with other women, but there are exciting fantasies involving penises. I don't understand why you need a label to start exploring though. The exploring (as the name says) should give you more disclosure of what you really want so you know where you belong sexuality-wise. Fantasy and reality are still two things not to confuse with each other. If you have your first experience with girls and you like it a lot, but are unsure of boys, you don't need to "try them out, just to be sure." The big majority of people know what they want from the get go and never try the fruits on the own home turf. If you are curious about boys, well, then by all means go for it and if you did not like it, then don't feel ashamed, but chalk it up as learning experience that you now know what you do not like.

    Heck, like I said, sexuality is endless, you could also like to do everything with girls, but just want to give boys blow jobs without them touching you. There is no "right" or "wrong".

    Don't ask questions like "is this normal?". This is a question, which the answer to does not make you any smarter. Statistically speaking, heterosexual is "normal", because more people are heterosexual, but that does not make it superior to other forms of love. So asking if the kind of porn you watch is "normal" is non-sensical. Just watch what you enjoy and don't worry if it's normal or weird. (As long as it's legal! No child porn!)

    It sounds like you pretty much have a good hypothesis of what you like. Girls over boys. What else is there to know?

    What do you mean with painful? Like physical pain? Of masturbating too much or something out of your control?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would never ever ever watch child porn or anything illegal!I find it very wrong and deteste the people who make those kinds of videos etc.

    I want to finger girls.I want to lick and suck their boobs.I want to lick all over.I want to have sex with girls.Just blow jobs with boys,even though i highly doubt thered be any love or emotional attraction.I want to explore it more when I am this young rather than past the age of 18(sorry,it is really hard to explain my reasonings for that part).I want to know of other girls who are lesbians or gay etc too so I can try with them.I only know one bi sexual...but she is my best friend.Im not so sure.

    I love watching porn and feel a large addiction to it but it does cause me pain down below and on my legs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suggest you talk to your friend about those feelings. If she is not straight either you kinda of have a common denominator here. Nowadays there are plenty of smartphone apps that can connect you with other homosexual women who are just in your shoes and want to discover what their confusion about what they want is all about.

    Is sexual arousal alone causing the pain or masturbation/insertion? Because this is something that is not normal and something you might wanna check up on with a doctor. Do you have pain when inserting something in a non-sexual way, like a tampon? Also what kind of pain are we speaking? Just an aching or real, honest pain?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have never had anything inswrted,not even a tampon.I have never had sex with any one of any gender before.I qm still q virgin.Its like a tightening stinging pain on both my legs and lower area.Like a piercing sting.I cant go to a doctor about it.I just cant :'( I am not sure if it just sexual arousal alone.

    I am very clueless with this kind of stuff!x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This certainly is not normal. Sexual arousal is not supposed to be painful at all. Does it only happen when you watch porn or also when you spot a sexy lady on the streets and get aroused?

    Of course you can go to the doctor about it. This is something every young woman is supposed to do anyway, get a check-up about the reproductive health. I mean, I am no expert on that matter, but I am sure both my sisters and also girl friends back in our teenage years had yearly ob-gyn visits. This is ESPECIALLY true if you have a painful condition. I mean, if sexual arousal alone is painful, I can't imagine that sexual activity can be any fun that way. I mean it's your call, but believe me. Gynecologists see dozens of vaginas daily or all age, you certainly would not be the first to feel anxious about the prospect, but it's a very normal and usual experience.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Edit - never mind, StrubbleS has said it all :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It mostly does happen when I watch the porn yes.If its not supposed to be painful, what is it supposed to be like?

    If i went to the doctors though then my parents would more than likely find out(long story).

    Thank you for the help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, it's very hard to describe. Sexual arousal is a feeling quite in it's own category. It's very nice, tingly, very sensitive I'd say. In no way, shape or form is it painful.

    So? Aren't your parents concerned with your well-being? If you said you experience pain aren't they more prone to let you go to the doctor instead of forbidding it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With my parents,its kind of difficult to explain.

    I am with camhs but even parents get told most things there too,if not all.

    Its really hard.

    By the way,i did take the advice and i had a conversation with her about it.It turns out that she feels the same way about me amd said she has done since september last year!She asked me to be her girlfriend and i said yes!Not sure if that was the right or best thing to do though.xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well that's a really positive and brave step to take, well done :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you.Not quite sure how I feel about it though.Atmfeel ashamed,confused and and embarrased...xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Very confused...:'( Girlfriend now :/...xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Confused about what exactly? What's bothering you the most?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The whole idea of a relationship with a girl?And how we are going to manage it as a couple xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like that's what you want though, it sounds like you have a pretty clear understanding of who you want in terms of relationships, which is a really great thing.

    Have you spoken to your girlfriend about how you're feeling about it, as in you're confused feelings towards this particular relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it is what I want.I have been thinking and dreaming a lot about her too.

    She knows that I feel very confused excited and nervous but thats it.

    How am i meant to deal with this?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With her support.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With her support.

    This.

    She's your girlfriend now, talk to her about it, especially if it's feelings concerning the relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess so...:/ Thanks...xx
  • PGreenPGreen Posts: 175 Helping Hand
    Hi AngelFace :wave:

    It sounds like you have taken some big steps and lot's of time to think about your sexuality over this weekend.

    It's great that you chatted to your friend and discovered she had similar feelings to you, it is completely understandable that you are feeling excited and also confused. the support on this thread has been fantastic so do continue to reach out for advice and support here.

    I just thought I would also let you know about LLGS (London lesbian and Gay switchboard). They provide free & confidential support & information to lesbian, gay, bisexual & transgendered communities throughout the UK. Their helpline is open 10am-11pm daily 0300 330 0630, so if you don't feel like you want to discuss these feelings or questions with parents, doctors or your girlfriend it is a good number to keep hold of.

    LLGS have a huge amount of experience and can help with questions or support around coming out, relationship issues, family problems, safer sex and sexual health, having sex for the first time, LGBT social and support groups, Issues at school, college or work and feelings of isolation.

    Keep sharing and reaching out for support here!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I definitely have taken some big steos.Usually, I find it extremely hard to admit that with whatever the issie is but not this time!I did have a lot of time to think about that but it is still really bugging me now.The pain when watching the videos is awful and I feel ever so alone with it all amd i domt even feel able to open up to my girlfriend about it properly.

    I have also had very intimate dreams about having a very sexual relationship with her but then again the videos dont help with that either.

    Thank you foe that information.I will bear it in mind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Look, I know you want to avoid the doctor, but there is nobody else but a medical professional that can help you with your condition that causes pain to you when you watch arousing videos. It boils down to a simple decision if you prefer going to the doctor or if you prefer remaining in pain. There is no third option.

    I can tell you that gynecologists have seen it all, from old to young, to large and small, etc. Also it is pretty common for girls your age to have their regular check ups on their reproductive health. I know my sisters and female friends - when they were your age (and even younger) - have been to the ObGyn. As soon as you stop stubbornly telling yourself I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T, just because you are anxious about the prospect of someone seeing your vagina in a non-sexual context, the sooner you will go. Maybe you can convince your girlfriend to go with you and either wait in the waiting room or maybe even go with you inside to hold your hand. You are not helping yourself by digging in your heels and should start asking yourself, "Can I, actually?". Yes, we all dread it. I was very uncomfortable going to the urologist about a health issue I had, but it was no big deal at all, as I came to realize afterwards and I was glad I came to know it was nothing to worry about.


    How are things progressing with your girlfriend? Are you now more accepting of your sexuality?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand what you are saying with that.The thing is,I dont think I am emotionally or sexually attracted to males(though i do like the idea of blowjob and have watched videos on it).(I am a 17 year old girl by the way).

    I feel like once I have found that label though,then I can get on with exploring the sexuality properly.At the moment,I am really struggling to deal with this horrible sexuality confusion,which is no good on top of everything else I have going on.I feel tingly watching lesbian sex but not man-woman(straight)sex.Is that normal?I also get turned on a lot and suffer a lot of pain down below when I watch porn.I watch it so often and it feels shameful etc,again.

    I want to figure it out before I turn 18 as a personal thing.I want to sort out life and feelings I have(all)before I turn 18.I understand that completely though.

    Thats a good example?How can I deal with this level of confusion?I havent got a clue.

    I have never had sex with anyone before but want the first time to be with a girl.

    Hi AngelFace97,

    I kinda know the feeling, I can't give myself a sexuality label either so I wouldn't worry about that but just go with the flow I suppose as who you are and are not attracted to is very much a personal thing. Too many people in this world want everyone to conform to stereotypes which I think is wrong.

    I think I had my first sexual 'stirrings' when I was 13 and showering with the other boys at my secondary school back in the mid 80's. There was this naked boy bending over finding his undies and I couldn't help but stare it his mooning bumcheeks - only trouble was one of the other boys saw me staring and told him, lol. Anyways I've always fancied girls and find celebrities like Maria Sharapova hot and although I don't generally find men attractive, I am currently 'in lurve' with a 19 year old boy (mentioned in another post of mine). At first I tried to dismiss the feelings I had for him but they were very strong and we have started a relationship which just feels so good and so natural.

    Well, I'm afraid I can't help you with the physical pain you have down below, I'm sorry. I'm sure a doctor will be able to help and it's probably nothing too much to be concerned about but best get them to check anyway. I think your first time should be special and it doesn't matter if it is with a boy or girl - just as long as you have strong enough feelings for each other then that is all that matters.

    Good luck.

    David
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heya David

    Thank you for your very helpful reply.And for sharing your experiences with me.I hope all goes well with your relationship and that you feel happy with it.

    I am unable to send a proper reply at the moment as my internet connection is quite low :/ Even though i badly wish it wasnt!

    Speak soon xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Strubbles

    I understand that but i highly doubt id be able to go even though i know that i ought to :'( xx Thanks for all your help so far xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Strubbles

    I understand that but i highly doubt id be able to go even though i know that i ought to :'( xx Thanks for all your help so far xx

    Suit yourself.
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