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I don't want to feel like this anymore - issues with eating and weight

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Hey Becki

    I am so sorry to hear that the meeting on Wednesday wasn't the outcome that you was expecting. It sounds like this has really upset you. :heart:

    I am glad they are going to have another meeting though, it sounds like it is needed. You are not alone and we care about you, so you can chat to us if it helps.

    *hug*

    Thanks 'narna! Yeah this meetings going to be final. It's almost as if I have to pick between becoming fat and staying here, or losing weight and having to move....

    My carers have suggested WD do a meal plan today which I'm not looking forward to. But they said it would look better if we did one for the meeting tomorrow

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I know you don't want a meal plan but it could really help you lovely. I believe in you and I know you can get through this. Your settled there so it would be really sad for you to have to leave.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm only doing this meal plan to make it look good for the meeting.

    Why can't I be one of those people that can eat whatever they want and still stay skinny

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    *hug*s

    Here for you!!

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So the meeting was today... Its not good news :( and its nothing to do with my eating!!! They're using that as an excuse but its clearly not about that. Theyre not moving me until January so can't be that bad. Its about money as per. So yeah, been in tears most of the night

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really felt like hurting myself last night, like properly hurting not just cutting... But I didn't. I can't cope with all of this anymore. Now I have to deal with the feelings around moving as well as all the other feelings described before. I just can't do it anymore, I really can't :( Think things would be better off if I had done it last night

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Cat88Cat88 Posts: 377 Listening Ear
    How are you doing Becki? Really proud of you for resisting the urge to cut or hurt! Do please keep talking to us as much as you need x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cat88 wrote: »
    How are you doing Becki? Really proud of you for resisting the urge to cut or hurt! Do please keep talking to us as much as you need x

    It wasn't the cutting I was worried. The thoughts I were having were a lot worse then that

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Becki, this is a lot to take in as you've been at your placement for a long time. It sounds like it may be a few things that are coming together that mean they want to move you and it's absolutely understandable that you're feeling upset.

    It's a big potential change for you and that's going to take some time to get used to. Given what you're describing, it sounds like you may actually be in shock a little too so it's important to try and be gentle with yourself over these next few days. Treat yourself to things that help to soothe you, keep talking to your carers and to us here about your worries or fears for the future if you need to, we're here to listen and we won't judge.

    These intense feelings can pass. Don't forget you can always reach out to Samaritans late at night if you need a listening ear and a way to vent, do you think you would consider that?

    Sending hugs *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't felt like this on ages :( I'm really scared at my thought processes at the minute to be fair. I literally can't cope with it. Yeah sure, things have been a bit rocky with my carers but they have been my family for the last 4 years which probably will sound weird because they're not my family but they're the best family I'm going to get :( I miss them already and I've not even left yet. Its really hard

    No I wouldn't call Samaritans because I feel like I'd be clogging up the queue for the people that actually really need it. :( Never felt more alone in all my life!

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    I haven't felt like this on ages :( I'm really scared at my thought processes at the minute to be fair. I literally can't cope with it. Yeah sure, things have been a bit rocky with my carers but they have been my family for the last 4 years which probably will sound weird because they're not my family but they're the best family I'm going to get :( I miss them already and I've not even left yet. Its really hard

    No I wouldn't call Samaritans because I feel like I'd be clogging up the queue for the people that actually really need it. :( Never felt more alone in all my life!

    Sent by Sony Xperia

    Samaritans is there for anyone in emotional distress. It's there for you Becki and you wouldn't be clogging up the queue at all. You might also find the Self Injury Support site useful if you're struggling with urges, you can text or email them between 7 & 9pm and they have some really helpful resources on their website: http://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/tess-text-and-email-support-service

    Can you think about what has helped in the past when you've felt this way? Wanting to withdraw can often be a natural reaction but in fact being in the company of others and using things like your wreck it journal to let some of your feelings out could be something to consider?

    January may not seem that far away but youdo have at least 2 whole months and you can use this to really make the most of your time there and to slowly come to terms with whatever comes next.

    Do you know what's worrying you most about it all?

    It's not weird at all that you see them as your family, and no one would expect you to feel fine about this Becki. Keep talking to your carers and to us and don't feel you have to go through this on your own *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I won't be contacted Samaritans. Just wouldn't be right... Sorry.

    What's helped me in the past? Shelley! But I can't even look at her at the minute because every time I do I just get too upset :( I don't want any of my carers to know how I'm feeling. Obviously they know I'm upset about it but they don't know about last night etc.... Can't deal with them knowing.

    2 months isn't long Jo :( Before I know it, it will be Christmas and I'll have to start packing :( Why couldn't they just leave me be?! I don't even know how I feel about it anymore. I'm angry, upset... Just can't deal with everything. And its made my eating so much worse. I just want to be normal. But I'm not. I'm never going to be normal. I'm always going to be the fat care kid that no one loved....

    I have to go to college and act like nothings wrong. Like, how do I do that? I sat in law this morning and was on the verge of tears. And its not even as if I have friends to go to in college either.... Meh!

    I am thankful for all you guys helping me and I really don't sound ungrateful but I still feel super alone in this

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey lovely. I don't really know what to say but I just wanted to offer *hug*s

    And if it makes you feel a little better I think your amazing and I love ya lots! :heart:

    I will be there for you every step of the way.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Hey lovely. I don't really know what to say but I just wanted to offer *hug*s

    And if it makes you feel a little better I think your amazing and I love ya lots! :heart:

    I will be there for you every step of the way.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk

    Thanks 'Narna. You're lovely too ❤

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    Thanks 'Narna. You're lovely too ❤

    Sent by Sony Xperia
    I aint lovely. But yeah hope your okay ♥

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    I aint lovely. But yeah hope your okay ♥

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk

    I'm getting there, thank you

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm going to look round some flats on Wednesday. I'm so scared

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And I just realized I'm getting a bit off topic talking about the move and stuff. Sorry..... I'll shhh

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    You dont have to shh. Its your thread becki you can talk about anything you want. :heart: *hug*

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its off topic though :/

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    It's okay though.. it's clearly affecting you so its good your able to talk about it on this thread. Big hugs, love you and your gonna get through this. <3

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be fair its effecting my eating anyway. I've got a meal plan I'm supposed to stick to, I hardly ever do

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But my carers are been strict about it, especially when I've said I'm going away for the day or something. Oh well its okay

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hugs.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Becki, if you're worried about going off topic you're more than welcome to start a separate thread where you can talk about your fears about the move and keep us updated on how things are going with that specifically.

    Then you can keep this one for your worries around eating *hug*

    Do you want to tell us a bit more about the meal plan and what it's like to try and stick to it? You mention that some days you can and some you can't?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Hi Becki, if you're worried about going off topic you're more than welcome to start a separate thread where you can talk about your fears about the move and keep us updated on how things are going with that specifically.

    Then you can keep this one for your worries around eating *hug*

    Do you want to tell us a bit more about the meal plan and what it's like to try and stick to it? You mention that some days you can and some you can't?

    I've made enough threads about stuff at the minute, so I'll leave the whole placement talk thing. Though saying that I've started one about getting a solicitor about it...

    The meal plans awful. Its not been going all that well recently. I went to an event with Nspcc on Sunday/Monday and I didn't eat anything. But that was because there was people there that was so much thinner then me and I just felt so fat compared to them. Well to be honest I feel like that all the time. But anyway it doesn't matter.
    I have a different meal plan every week which I hate because I like to stick to the same foods (safe foods if you like). It's gone really down hill recently tho but oh well. As long as my carers don't find out then I don't mind

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    *hug*s

    Here for you :heart:

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    I've made enough threads about stuff at the minute, so I'll leave the whole placement talk thing. Though saying that I've started one about getting a solicitor about it...

    The meal plans awful. Its not been going all that well recently. I went to an event with Nspcc on Sunday/Monday and I didn't eat anything. But that was because there was people there that was so much thinner then me and I just felt so fat compared to them. Well to be honest I feel like that all the time. But anyway it doesn't matter.
    I have a different meal plan every week which I hate because I like to stick to the same foods (safe foods if you like). It's gone really down hill recently tho but oh well. As long as my carers don't find out then I don't mind

    Sent by Sony Xperia

    It sounds like you're comparing yourself to other people a lot? Is that something that you've always done?

    The human body wasn't made to be perfect and what makes us all beautiful is that we're all unique, we all have different lumps and bumps, shapes and sizes and we can all be loved and accepted regardless. What shines in a person is their presence and their personality, that's what people will remember and be drawn to.

    What sort of emotions do you go through when you're restricting your diet? It doesn't sound like it's making you feel very happy :(

    I wonder if there is anyone you would feel comfortable talking to in the same way you're able to open up to us here?

    Big hugs *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes because its a fact. Everyone's either prettier then me or thinner then me. I'm just a disgusting ugly thing that now stays inside now so now one has to look at me.

    Well then I'm totally stuffed aren't I because I'm boring! No one will want to know me and to be honest I really don't blame them. I can't see how someone would want to be friends with someone that looks like this. And if it is personality people go for, as you said, that I'm screwed - well and truly.

    I'm not happy anyway, regardless of the food situation. I am just sick and tired of being fat. I hate it so much. People at the house eat loads and they still don't put on weight. Yet if I don't eat for like 3 days I don't lose any??? It doesn't make any sense.

    No, can't talk to anyone about this because its either seen as attention seeking (which I'm not) or they just simply don't understand
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not fact hun...there's no such thing as fact in beauty, its in the eye of the beholder.
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