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I don't want to feel like this anymore - issues with eating and weight

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am constantly feeling fat and ugly - I hate it. No matter how much I cut my food down, I never seem to lose weight which annoys me. And before anyone asks, yes I do exercise. My carers tried to stop me from going running but I just do it anyway. They can't physically force me.

But I'm sick of being so fat. I hate it so much

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Comments

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Becki *hug*

    Firstly I just wanted to drop by to let you know that your not fat, I know you may not believe me, but I am being totally honest with you :heart:

    It sounds like having somebody to talk to about your eating would benefit you, do you think a chat with your GP would help you. I just want you to know that you are in no way fat, but it sounds like you need some support with your food related problems.

    I am sorry this reply is so badly worded. :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its not a bad reply. I'm totally thankful for this

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry sent that before I finished my post!

    I'm too big to go to the gp and that's not just me saying it. You have to be a certain bmi and I'm not that

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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Have you spoken to anybody about this?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope

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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I think you should talk to somebody about this lovely, :heart:

    Also b-eat seem like a pretty helpful and supportive website *hug*

    Just want you to know that I care.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks 'Narna
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    It's okay. I hope I have helped somehow :heart:

    Also what about chatting to a counsellor over on CL. I am glad you have posted this thread lovely, well done you.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi Becki,

    Bananamonkey's suggestion to speak to someone at B-eat is a really good one as there's a sense you have some intense anxieties related to eating and having the chance to talk openly and honestly about how this all makes you feel could be really beneficial for you. It might be that you experience eating differently to others and need to have the space to talk it through with people who can really identify with your situation and needs.

    It's worth bearing in mind that eating at regular intervals is an important strategy for maintaining your figure, which would be a healthy step as opposed to losing anything - you are very slim and your clothes fit you really well - that's a really positive position to be in and lots of people would agree and admire your figure.

    Learning ways to eat normally without fear and worry could mean that life in general is much less stressful for you - it will mean you won't have to worry anymore about meal times when you go out with friends or to uni, as well as not worrying about food if you have any volunteer trips that involve mealtimes and just generally being able to walk out and eat with friends etc. Overall, getting some professional support to overcome this could have infinite benefits for your future.

    Please do keep talking here too :)

    I know it may be hard to believe lots of what I'm saying, but I'm not trying to trick you or make you feel that your feelings aren't valid - eating is clearly a really tough experience for you physically and emotionally and you deserve to come through it and love yourself. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's okay. I hope I have helped somehow :heart:

    Also what about chatting to a counsellor over on CL. I am glad you have posted this thread lovely, well done you.

    My regular counsellor on CL tries to talk to me about it but I steer away to be honest because every time I say what happens when I eat she asks how I feel and stuff. Just gets a bit repetitive

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Hi Becki,

    Bananamonkey's suggestion to speak to someone at B-eat is a really good one as there's a sense you have some intense anxieties related to eating and having the chance to talk openly and honestly about how this all makes you feel could be really beneficial for you. It might be that you experience eating differently to others and need to have the space to talk it through with people who can really identify with your situation and needs.

    It's worth bearing in mind that eating at regular intervals is an important strategy for maintaining your figure, which would be a healthy step as opposed to losing anything - you are very slim and your clothes fit you really well - that's a really positive position to be in and lots of people would agree and admire your figure.

    Learning ways to eat normally without fear and worry could mean that life in general is much less stressful for you - it will mean you won't have to worry anymore about meal times when you go out with friends or to uni, as well as not worrying about food if you have any volunteer trips that involve mealtimes and just generally being able to walk out and eat with friends etc. Overall, getting some professional support to overcome this could have infinite benefits for your future.

    Please do keep talking here too :)

    I know it may be hard to believe lots of what I'm saying, but I'm not trying to trick you or make you feel that your feelings aren't valid - eating is clearly a really tough experience for you physically and emotionally and you deserve to come through it and love yourself. *hug*

    Wow, this made me a bit teary - hence the time difference between me reply to narna and you.

    When I am made to eat out and theres a large amount of food in front of me, I have panic attacks - as you've witnessed. It makes it really awkward at college because I can't even sit with my friends at lunch anymore. You've probably guessed by now that because of my selfishness, I've lost a lot of friends because they think I don't care about them anymore. That's not the case at all. I just can't explain it to them.
    I really wish people wouldn't call me 'skinny' or 'slim' because I know its not true. I know that I need and want to lose weight. As for people admiring my figure, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't. Theres people that are a lot thinner then me and quite frankly I wish I was them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really struggling today. I'm constantly thinking that people are looking at me and thinking how fat I am. I hate it so much. I wish I was like one of those skinny people that didn't have to worry about what they ate because no matter what they didn't put weight on.... I wish I was like that. But I'm not. As soon as I eat anything I bloat out and instantly look fat. How can anyone, ever be attracted to this....

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well today is another bad day of feeling fat and ugly. We had our photos taken a few weeks back in college to go on the system. I got mine back today and let me just tell you I look gigantic. I looked at everyone else's and they looked perfect. Then you get me looking fatter and uglier then ever. Good going bed

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Bex

    My phone obviously doesn't understand my name

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Becki :wave:

    I have been reading your thread and was wondering how you are? I am sorry to hear you are finding it difficult of how you feel about yourself and finding it anxious to eat, it's not a nice thing to go through but you are doing well by taking about it on here *hug*

    Have you given some thought of what Helen and Bananamonkey has said about talking to a professional like what Bannamonkey has suggested B-eat?

    keep talking to us we are here to listen.

    purple_rain
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Becki :wave:

    I have been reading your thread and was wondering how you are? I am sorry to hear you are finding it difficult of how you feel about yourself and finding it anxious to eat, it's not a nice thing to go through but you are doing well by taking about it on here *hug*

    Have you given some thought of what Helen and Bananamonkey has said about talking to a professional like what Bannamonkey has suggested B-eat?

    keep talking to us we are here to listen.

    purple_rain

    Hey. I'm plodding along but things are still pretty difficult, especially now that my carers are making me go in the main house nearly every night to eat a full meal. I know I've put weight on in the last month which really isn't good.
    Yeah I looked at the website but it just isn't for me. Its for people with eating disorders - something I don't have.

    Thanks again everyone for being so lovely

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Know how you are feeling..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Know how you are feeling..

    Sorry if this has been triggering for you

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well isn't today going well. My carers forced me to see a nurse this morning who, can I just say, wasn't very nice. Not only did she not take me seriously, she told me that I needed to eat 3 small meals a day and that if I continued to lose weight, I wouldn't be going to uni in September. Who does she think she is?! Urg so annoyed. There's no way I'm eating three meals. She must be mad. I'd be the size of an elephant by the end of the week if I did... No one understand and I'm sick of it

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Today I found out why there's a possible placement change... I thought it was down to funds and money etc because I know its expensive to keep me here. But one of my carers spoke to me this morning and said it is because I'm eating minimal food and "they're not specialized in that area" - their words exactly. So now I'm in a bit of a predicament really because obviously I want to stay in my placement cause I've been here 4 and a half years (a long time to a young person in care) but equally I don't want to get fat which I know I will if I eat.
    They've come up with a meal plan of regular meals and its going to be so hard to stick to. They're even sending me with food tomorrow for my train journey.... So yeah, not feeling all that great at the minute

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It wasn't triggering dw. :) I think that day I was just feeling really low but I just wanted to say that you weren't alone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    Today I found out why there's a possible placement change... I thought it was down to funds and money etc because I know its expensive to keep me here. But one of my carers spoke to me this morning and said it is because I'm eating minimal food and "they're not specialized in that area" - their words exactly. So now I'm in a bit of a predicament really because obviously I want to stay in my placement cause I've been here 4 and a half years (a long time to a young person in care) but equally I don't want to get fat which I know I will if I eat.
    They've come up with a meal plan of regular meals and its going to be so hard to stick to. They're even sending me with food tomorrow for my train journey.... So yeah, not feeling all that great at the minute

    Sent by Sony Xperia

    Not wanting to get fat is fair enough. Wanting to look your best is something that's natural for many of us.

    From what you have said, it sounds like your carers are concerned that you're putting your health at risk. They will have a duty of care to help you work on your eating or refer you to somewhere that can offer more specialist support.

    Do you have anyone you can talk to about your emotions around it? You're welcome to open up to us here if you feel able to :)

    Relationships with food can be really complex and deep-rooted, it takes time to unpick it and talking is a really good first step. Remind me if you've ever tried contacting beat before? They will be familiar with exactly what you're going through and should be able to offer some support and ways of looking at things that you may not have tried before.

    It sounds like eating for you Becki = putting on weight. Full stop.

    It's actually perfectly possible to eat a healthy diet and do regular exercise and not put on weight and not get overly muscly either. To stay a fairly consistent size and shape that helps you not only to have a healthy body but a healthy mind too. Diet can have a huge impact on your moods, energy levels and ability to concentrate so you may find that you feel some benefits from a little more fuel, I know that's probably hard to focus on though.

    Changing your habits after a long time of restricting yourself isn't easy. Has there ever been a time when you've allowed yourself to eat a little more?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It wasn't triggering dw. :) I think that day I was just feeling really low but I just wanted to say that you weren't alone.

    I'm glad it wasn't triggering, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do! You can talk about your 'problems' with food too if you want?

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Not wanting to get fat is fair enough. Wanting to look your best is something that's natural for many of us.

    From what you have said, it sounds like your carers are concerned that you're putting your health at risk. They will have a duty of care to help you work on your eating or refer you to somewhere that can offer more specialist support.

    Do you have anyone you can talk to about your emotions around it? You're welcome to open up to us here if you feel able to :)

    Relationships with food can be really complex and deep-rooted, it takes time to unpick it and talking is a really good first step. Remind me if you've ever tried contacting beat before? They will be familiar with exactly what you're going through and should be able to offer some support and ways of looking at things that you may not have tried before.

    It sounds like eating for you Becki = putting on weight. Full stop.

    It's actually perfectly possible to eat a healthy diet and do regular exercise and not put on weight and not get overly muscly either. To stay a fairly consistent size and shape that helps you not only to have a healthy body but a healthy mind too. Diet can have a huge impact on your moods, energy levels and ability to concentrate so you may find that you feel some benefits from a little more fuel, I know that's probably hard to focus on though.

    Changing your habits after a long time of restricting yourself isn't easy. Has there ever been a time when you've allowed yourself to eat a little more?

    I don't know why they would be worried though to be honest because its not like I'm skinny - far from it! They told me I would be going to a more specialist placement that's "used to dealing with issues like yours", what my carer said.

    No I don't really talk about it to anyone to be fair, I was a bit dubious about making this thread to be fair.

    No I haven't ever talked to beat, although I have looked at the website. Its for people with eating disorders, I don't have that.

    Eating means that I will get fat. And no matter what anyone else says, I know its true. When I first came to this placement, I used to cut my food down like I am now. But one of my carers made me eat and I put weight on. As soon as I moved into this semi independent flat I started cutting food again because I just want to lose weight. But recently staff have found out and they have made me come back to the house 3 days a week to eat dinner with them on the night. I think they'll make me eat more with them though to be fair


    Anyway I'll stop rambling

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After many arguments with my carers tonight, I've decided to take some fruit with me tomorrow. That's the only thing I'm okay eating because I know it doesn't have many calories in it.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The meetings today. I hope I get a phone call with good news...

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Becki, just wanted to drop in and check how you're getting on? *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi! how are you now? sending you hugs :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww thanks guys, that's so nice of you :heart:

    Unfortunately things aren't all that good. I had a phone call on Wednesday saying that they were going to move me :( I've complained about this so there's going to be a final meeting on Monday to discuss everything not just the immediate things

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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Becki

    I am so sorry to hear that the meeting on Wednesday wasn't the outcome that you was expecting. It sounds like this has really upset you. :heart:

    I am glad they are going to have another meeting though, it sounds like it is needed. You are not alone and we care about you, so you can chat to us if it helps.

    *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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