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Difficulty with people and relationships - *potentially triggering content*

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all.

All I require from you is some advice on what step I should take next after posting this inquiry. I'll try to be succinct in my efforts but I'm also trying to be as open and honest as I can be. However if you do require any more information regarding a certain aspect then I'm more than willing to expand on that. Here goes.

I am a male and I am 23 yrs old. I have never had sexual intercourse with anyone and I've not experienced any level of intimacy (kissing and upwards) since I was 16. Now none of the aforementioned bothers me because as you'll find out soon, I'm not that interested in other people anyway. I thought I'd mention this one first because if you saw me in real life then this would probably surprise you the most above anything else I would say. If this did bother me though, then I know that I could easily remedy this by going to any bar and hooking with pretty much any female. That probably sounds a bit arrogant but you'll just have to trust me when I say that I'm a tall (6'3") and good lucking guy who when deems it necessary, can become the most charming man in the room.

I work full time in a decent office position. However it's not uncommon for me to go two or three days without talking to anyone in the office and when I do it's only ever to do with work related topics. I have no interest in what my colleagues have to say with regards to anything else. I recently had a disciplinary because I told a guy I work with (though he's a lazy git), to get another job because he's a waste of space. Nothing came of it. Still despise him though.

There is only one person in my life that I guess would qualify as a friend. We've known each other since school so he's managed to remain a feature in my life for quite some time now which is quite an achievement as I tend to get bored with people fairly quickly. There are other people in my life who would say that I'm their friend but at my end, the feeling certainly not reciprocated. I think the main reason why I tolerate this guy, is because he pays for all of our activities/excursions that we partake in. Everything from football games, to meals out, to holidays. I think over time he's easily spent over £10,000 on me and I don't think I've ever thanked him for it. The strange thing though is that I never asked for this stuff/help. He just did it... Plus I've never bought him a birthday present or anything but he'll do it for me. Once I get bored with him, which I'm currently experiencing right now, I'll don't see me ever having another friend again, or at least not one that is as involved.

Again back to the sex aspect. I know, based on the materials I've read/seen/fantasised about, that I'm into the more extreme genres/acts. I'm not saying the regular stuff wouldn't be fun, but I don't really know of anything that would be off limits when it comes to sexual urges.

The following are a few things I did when I was younger:

- Steal from my friends and other children. Typically these other children would be younger than me.
- Force younger children to consume chilli powder. Strangely they didn't start crying or make a scene which meant I didn't get into any trouble/get found out.
- Scare/torment this one little boy every day.

Anyway, that's a brief glimpse into my life. I'll qualify this by saying that I know what I have done/are doing is wrong but I'm also not going to deny that I don't feel guilty about any of it.

So the reason why I'm asking for advice is that because as an educated person, I know that this is not normal behavior and even though it feels normal to me, I know that logically, it isn't. I've been thinking about this for a good few months now and over the last fortnight or so it's been at the forefront of my mind. So I've decided that I at least need to look into why I'm like this/do these things and hopefully this post is the first step in achieving this. Also, this is the first time that I've ever mentioned any of these to anyone in my life.

In two weeks time I have a week off work and I plan to visit my GP in regards to this issue. Do you think this is the next sensible step to follow? If so, what do think I would expect to see happen? Maybe someone who has a similar lifestyle might offer some anecdotes about the process.

Thank you.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi qwerty123, welcome to TheSite :wave:

    I wanted to start by saying that it was really brave for you to come here and open up about what's on your mind. You mention it's the first time you have done so. How did it feel after your wrote all this out?

    You seem to have a lot of self-awareness and I can hear that you recognise that some of the behaviours you talk about are 'not normal' in the sense that they wouldn't be considered socially acceptable and it's likely that it will be quite hard for other young people here to respond or relate to unless they have had similar experiences.

    It sounds as though relationships in general are something that you've struggled with in the sense that you say you get bored easily and find it hard to truly connect with others. Given your history this may be a pattern that has formed earlier in your life but it could also be one that, with the right support, you could change if you were looking to improve your relationships?

    This forum is all about peer to peer support and from what you've told us it does sound like some professional intervention is the logical next step for you. It sounds like you're keen to understand yourself better and your GP would indeed be your first port of call in terms of potentially getting a referral for some counselling for example. Is that something that you might be interested in trying?

    You haven't mentioned much about your family situation and I wonder what part that might play in all this?

    You may find the docready site useful in preparing for your doctor's appointment.

    All the best,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First off, I appreciate the time taken to reply.

    How did I feel? This may sound weird but I struggle with things like this. In the sense that I can't vividly remember. I know that I was worrying about my grammar and spelling but I'm not sure how I felt about the actual content of the post that I was disclosing. Not the greatest trait to have when potential employers want to know your best experience or what your greatest achievement so far is.

    Funny you should mention developing relationships because I was in the process of ending the one with my only friend as I had stopped attending one of our weekly sports events together in the hope that I can slowly drift away. BUT he only just today told me that he is engaged to be married which is something that he is obviously stoked about. However my initial response was not one of congratulations and celebration but resignation. I'm trying to end the relationship and now you've gone and done this. I have no interest in going to a wedding or even just celebrating the engagement. I have no idea what to do next.

    As for counseling. Sure. I guess so. I'm not necessarily focused on changing but to find out what, if anything is causing this. If it is a condition, then so be it. I can be aware of this and more importantly make other people aware of this. If it's nothing particularly irregular then fair does.

    I didn't really mention the family because I'm not a big fan of family. It's something forced upon you and you're advised to respect and tolerate them purely by default. I suppose one memory I could share is one where I'm holding my mothers limp body because she had tried to commit suicide (survived) by taking an overdose (she couldn't handle the death of her partner). The thing is though, my younger brother mentioned to me that while looking through the history of his laptop (mother used this), he noticed websites relating to suicide and the afterlife, etc... He was clearly concerned enough to tell me but upon hearing this I did nothing. It didn't even register.

    Not made my doctor appointment yet. It's weird because as I alluded to earlier, in the morning I'll feel like I'm the greatest person in the world and I'll not even think about this thread (no offense). It's only when I'm triggered by something that I remember what I'm like. It's a real Jekyll and Hyde situation.

    Anyway, Friday tomrro... today! I have to be up in six hours. Time for sleep.

    Good night!
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    Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Hi qwerty123, I was just reading this thread. I'm very sorry to hear about what you experienced about your mother. That's something that I'd expect to be really distressing, and to have a strong effect on you. You say that you didn't feel anything when your brother told you about your mother's web viewing history. Sometimes, when things feel too much to cope with, people shut down as a way of defending themselves and don't feel anything at all. Do you think it's possible that that's how you reacted?

    It's good that you want to find out what's causing you to feel and think the way you do - that?s a useful thing for all of us to do. You wonder whether these things could be the result of a condition. Conditions usually have causes in our lives (such as life events, the way we're brought up, our social networks), so either way I think it's worth exploring further what's going on.

    It's up to you if and how much you want to change certain things, but it can only be a good thing to know more about how you feel and think, so I'd echo Jo7's suggestion to go and see someone and find out what support's available. I know you might not feel it's necessary in the morning, but there's no harm in making an appointment - maybe a late afternoon/evening one would make more sense.

    Let us know how you're doing
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