Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

What can I do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am sixteen and in love with a 22 year old. He told me that he loved me first. We work together and one of close friends used to waitress with me. She quit to go work somewhere else. She is the one who told me that he is in love me and that I needed to talk to him about it. I did and we had decided that we would wait until I was 18 to go on a date, my mom would not allow us at the time. Well, we would tell each other that we loved one another everyday. Then all of a sudden he stopped telling me or even talking to me. I fought with my mom for months for her to give him a chance. I told him that I still love him and he told me that he still does too. I tried to kiss him and he told me that he really wants to but no. I found out he has a girlfriend now. After arguing with my mom, she finally told me that I am a smart girl and that if I think he deserves a chance then I can date him. That same day, the girl I used to work with texted me that she has been dating him for TWO MONTHS NOW!! and that I need to discover some boundaries. I thought she was my friend! Yet he just texted me a few days before that things with his new girlfriend weren't really working out. He told me that he had to make a decision. I don't know what to do? Should I be mad at her for dating him knowing how I feel about him? I am so hurt and confused!

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It surely was not the refined british way telling you about his feelings and date him herself then, but heyo he was single and she went for it. He apparently did not want to be celibate for the two years he is waiting for you to come of age, so it's not like you can put the blame entirely on her.

    I would suggest you do the same. Live your life NOW and not two years in the future. Maybe you get to know someone else where the age gap is not that big. If you are eighteen, single and still in contact with him you can still see if the spark went out or is still there. What I am trying to say: don't get hung up on that guy and focus on things that are more important.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya,

    Sorry to hear you?re feeling hurt and let down.

    There?s no easy way to get through what you?re feeling right now, the guy that you?ve got feelings for has acted in a very confusing way by just giving you the cold shoulder and the fact that your friend from work is involved makes it all the more difficult.

    You ask if you should feel mad at your friend because of the way she acted. That?s a difficult one and only you will know the answer. To help structure your thoughts, it may be helpful to give yourself time to think about how much you value your friendship with her and whether you think it could be at the same depth as before, especially if she?s with the person that you want to be with at right now.

    It is a cliché but you may find that time is a great healer. If you give yourself time to acknowledge and work out how you?re feeling, you may start to find that things start to feel a little easier after a while. It?s important to make time for yourself and put your needs first.

    As a starting point, there?s an article on The Site that could be useful- Mending a Broken Heart

    When you?re ready get back in touch, let us know how you?re getting on.

    Emily
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi thatonegirl , welcome to the boards :wave:

    Its not an easy situation and it's completely understandable that you're hurting.

    I re-quoted a couple of good advice already given to highlight the importance of "living for the now" and "time is a healer";
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Live your life NOW and not two years in the future. Maybe you get to know someone else where the age gap is not that big. If you are eighteen, single and still in contact with him you can still see if the spark went out or is still there.
    Emily2TS wrote: »
    To help structure your thoughts, it may be helpful to give yourself time to think about how much you value your friendship with her and whether you think it could be at the same depth as before, especially if she?s with the person that you want to be with at right now.

    It is a cliché but you may find that time is a great healer. If you give yourself time to acknowledge and work out how you?re feeling, you may start to find that things start to feel a little easier after a while. It?s important to make time for yourself and put your needs first.

    Trying to step out of this unfortunate "triangle" for a little while might help you think more clearly. It might feel like this was done behind your back so no wonder you feel confused. If taking time away is hard, would you consider sitting down with them both (perhaps one on one) and expressing how you feel and asking where you stand (in his eyes)? This could help clarify things for you and allow you to move on.

    If she's worth it, then you will eventually choose to forgive her. If not then it's probably best to move away. As Emily says - it's completely up to you what you choose to do. Whether it be in relevance to him or her, remember to put your feelings first and follow you gut *hug*

    Good luck :heart:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you to those who replied.
    Time has helped a little.
    What hurts most is that she keeps coming up to my work and waiting until I walk to the front of the store and she will deliberately kiss him in front of me. Plus I got to thinking about it and remember something that could be important. When she still worked there, about three and a half months ago, she told me that there was a rumor that her and him were sleeping together and she popped off "If they are going to start that rumor, I might as well make it true." and now they've been dating for three months.... I find that peculiar. I don't know if it means anything, or if I am just over exaggerating the whole situation. What do you all think?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there :wave:

    There's some great advice on here, and Im happy to hear that time has helped things a little - it really does, it's tough but people do say it because it usually works :)

    It sounds like a difficult situation, and i wonder if you managed to speak to either of them about how you felt as Emily and Christele mentioned?

    If your friend is going out of her way to kiss this guy in front of you then that's not very nice for you to see. You might want to think about mentioning this to her, as you find it difficult to see them together. If she values your thoughts and feelings, then she should try to limit the hurt she causes you, especially as she is aware that you have had feelings for this guy in the past :yes:

    From what you said about the rumour of them sleeping together, it sounds like she may have liked the way it sounds, and it may have reflected her own feelings for this guy. I would try not to spend too much time analysing this though, as sometimes we can tie ourselves up in knots going over and over what people say. I have to say it sounds like you are coping with a bit of a messy and hurtful situation really well - and I hope that you continue to do so, and remember you can always chat to us on here - we're here to help you out :)

    Hope that helps you a little *hug*
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's an insecure bitch that gets her gratification from tormenting you. Show her that you are not fazed and get this situation over with. The sooner she sees that you are happy and do not care for her shitty mind games the sooner she will be irate that her pathetic little digs don't work and will stop.

    Nothing upsets a bully more than you not giving a shit and living a happy life.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They know that I have moved on because he makes the schedules at works and asked me why I requested Friday night off and I told him because I have a date. He got a hurt look on his face and simply said, "Oh." then he would not come out of the office for an hour. That same night she came up and he wouldn't even talk to her. She kept trying to get his attention and he would look over at her but not then look away just as quickly. She asked me how I was doing and I told her good. She asked if I was seeing someone, I told her about the date, and she left without saying anything. I am moving on. I deserve to smile.
Sign In or Register to comment.