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Am I a jealous sister?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok.. This is something that's been on my mind for a while, for a while I've noticed how my mother acts and treats me. I've got two younger sisters who are 12 and an older brother who is now 23 and lives in Scotland.

From around the age of 4 I've noticed how my mother acted around me, like she treated me different to my brother, around that age my sisters where born so I knew that they would come first and me and my brother would have to do things on our own a little cause mother would be busy with the twins. As the we all grew up I started to notice that I would have to do things that my brother never had to do, like I was caring for my dad from the age of 4 and a half, my brother never had to look after my dad, he was allowed out with his friends and things like that.

As I got older my parents started to tell me that I was an accident baby, I was never ment to happen, that even got me thinking, is that why they treat me different? When I turned 12 I was forced to get a job walking my next door person's dog, all the money I got would have went to my parents and they would have used it to get things for my brother and the twins. When I was in primary 7 my mother forced me to do the 11+ in order to get into the same school as my brother, she forced me into doing a stupid amount of work, soon as I came home from school I was sent to my room to do my homework after I had it done I had to complete 3 practice papers. The day of the results came I failed, mother punished me... She kept what she did from my father and sent me into school with long selves on so no one would see what she did. No one ever did find out.

Even now, I've been forced to get jobs to keep supporting the family, I've noticed that my younger sisters have never had to do any of the things I've had to do. My mother treats them different from me, like she would take them on days out, spend money on them (normally my money that I work for) if they want something they get it. She never hurt the twins. She never spoke to them the way she speaks to me.

Even to this day the way my mother treats me compared to my sisters I'm unsure how to feel about it, she'd call me all sorts, so far from starting to write this thread I've been called 'fat, ugly, waste of space, pain in the arse, freak, attention seeker, disgusting, failure' and more..My younger sisters never get any of this..

In public she's the same, the looks we get off people is horrible, when I was still in 6th form she called me stupid and a waste of space in front of two of my teachers, it broke me, it made me cry. The teachers spoke to me about it the next day and asked if it was normal and all that, but I said nothing. I hate the way she treats me.

My younger sisters who are 12 do nothing for themselves, like they don't even run their own bath.. They don't clean their room or nothing I've got to do it. If I refuse to do it i get punished. So does it make me jealous? I just want to be treated the same way as my sisters.

Sorry for posting, sorry for how long it is.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have nothing useful to add. But yeah, I'd be pretty pissed off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    I have nothing useful to add. But yeah, I'd be pretty pissed off.

    I'm not like pissed off... I'm more upset and annoyed.. Nothing I can do can stop this..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Once again, I've been punished by my mother because I have to go back to the dentist... It's not to bad this time...:/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Younger sisters told my mother that I kicked them... Which is bullshit, I can hardly walk never mind kick them in the back, course mother beleive the twins.. Despite her knowing that it's impossible me for me to kick them.. I know it sounds like nothing, but it makes me feel like shit the way she acts around them.. I guess I'm just looking for somewhere to rant. I hate how shit this has made me feel.. After she was finished yelling at me telling me they where only little and I should not be kicking them, I just went up stairs.. Currently sat crying.. I hate crying. I'm so tempted to pack my stuff and get out of here.. But I've got no where to go.. Stupid getting this upset over something so little:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there SuzyOwl :wave:

    Firstly, it's great you are ranting, there is no need to apologise for that. Venting makes a lot of people feel better and it's good to have a space you can do this in, without feeling judged, and more importantly by people who will try to help you :)

    You've got a lot on your plate with your family, and I'm sorry to hear they are making you feel so upset and frustrated. You seem to be getting a lot of criticism from your mum in particular, I wonder if you have ever spoken to her about how she makes you feel? I also wonder what kind of relationship you have with your twin sisters and your older brother, do you think that if speaking to your mother isn't an option for your right now, you might want to speak to your brothers or sisters, and let them know what you are going through? They might have noticed but might not know how to bring this up with you. It may help you to speak to extended members of your family, they may be able to offer you more support and discuss why your parents might be making you feel so bad about yourself :yes:

    You don't sound like a jealous sister to me - in fact you sound like Cinderella! You seem to be getting a lot more chores and a lot more criticism than the other people in your family, and this can mean people feel really bad about themselves. It could be that your parents feel that they can take their frustrations out on you, and sometimes, (me included) we say things to our family members we would never say to friends (because you are so close and blood relations etc). This doesn't make it ok however, especially when you are feeling so upset. It might be a good idea to speak to them about it, to try and work out why this is happening - or even just to make them aware of how upset you are being made to feel because of the things they say to you.

    You might wan to have a look at this article, as it does deal with some of the things you mentioned, such as being taken advantage of in terms of having to find a job and the academic expectations of you: http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/family-life/my-parents-dont-care-about-me-8209.html. It also talks about what you can do about the neglect you are experiencing, perhaps you could talk to a teacher or an aunty you feel you can trust about this?

    If you need any further advice, you might want to use our Ask A Question service, where you can get extra support - or you might want to contact Childline http://www.childline.org.uk/talk/Pages/Talk.aspx - they offer support and advice on everything, nothing is too big or too small, so don't feel worried about being upset about this. You can talk to a counsellor on their helpline, which is free and confidential, or using their online chat service.

    *hug* Really hope this helps you a little bit, don't feel that this is a stupid thing to get over, you are doing the right thing ranting and letting people know what you are going through. Good luck and I hope things get a lot better for you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Tamsinjo :wave:

    Any time I try to speak to my mother about how I'm feeling she tells me to fuck off, or that my feelings don't matter, she's the mother and what she says goes. I've had it from a young age so I'm guess I'm used to it, just as I've gotten older it's something that I've become more aware of. With my brother being in Scotland we don't get to talk a lot, but we still are close, I'm not as close with the twin sisters, they are only 12 and don't need me ranting at them.

    I feel horrible about myself, just the fact that my mother don't look at me the same as the rest of the family, she admits to everyone that I was an accident, when people ask how many children she has it's aways 'Twin girls and a son' Never me.. I get left out of family holidays too.. I know that sounds stupid, but the family are going to England, I was told then mother said I'm not invited as it's a family holiday which sucks.

    *hug* I just feel stupid:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh bless you - just really want to give you a big *hug*

    It might feel like you are powerless to change anything and when we feel like that it becomes hard to think of something different we could do to change the situation, but I really hope you consider talking to an extended family member about how you are being treated, or if you find this a bit too much, contacting childline and speaking to one of their expert advisors who can help you with things you could do to make your home situation more bearable. :)

    Have you spoken to any of your friends about your relationship with your Mum?

    Being the target for your Mum, and having to hear all these horrible things is bound to make you feel rubbish, but please don't think that you are. It's not right that your mother makes you feel the way she does, I wonder if she has been through something to make her behave this way towards you?

    It might be worthwhile also considering going to see your brother as you two get along very well, it might be a good idea to put some space between yourself and your mother for a little bit? Im sorry to hear they leave you out of family holidays too, that sounds like a really tough thing to go through.No one likes to feel unwanted, try and see the positive though, you will have some space away from them making you feel so down!

    Have you thought about family therapy? It's a good thing to think about if you can't see things getting any better. It's where your family would sit together as a group and all of you would have the chance to voice how you feel, with a professional counsellor working with you. You could even work out who would be best to come to the group sessions if you don't want your younger twin sisters involved for example. You could also bring a friend or someone else with you to support you. If you have a little look at this article on TheSite, it talks about this in much more detail. http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/family-life/family-therapy-7961.html

    It must be really hard but don't feel bad about yourself, no matter what your mum or anyone else says to you. No one deserves to feel neglected like you do :no:

    If you ever need to rant / share how you are feeling then please feel free to keep on posting on here, we are here for you and will try and help you out as much as we can :yes:

    :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Giant *hug*'s

    My extend family hate me, have done ever sence my gran passed away last year. As I don't have English as my first language the thought of having to speak to people on the phone scares the life out of me. A person I used to be friends with she knew everything, but I no longer speak to her so I've got no one now.

    I am everything that my mother say's I am, she's my mother, she's ment to love me but I'm guessing that because she's saying all this then it's true. It's just something that happens nothing I can do stops it and I hate it:( I have always felt unwanted, I was never ment to be born, I was an accident child never ment to be in this world.

    My family don't do talking to each other, unless it's to like upset me or plot something against me. My voice don't matter at home. No one really want's anything to do with 'the accident child'

    I've always felt bad about myself, I just never really talk about it, I don't have the right to talk anymore. I dislike talking here... It scares me a lot.. Sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's ripped up all the photos of me and my nana... The twins helped her.. Then when i was out she threw them all over my room... I'm so fucking upset:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mum keeps making these comments about my eating... She keeps calling me fat, then when I don't eat enough dinner she yells at me... She cant have it both ways, generally want to cry :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mum had my dinner waiting for me as soon as I came in from nursery today... I told her I did not want to eat it the second I got in the door, I wanted to go shower due to smelling like pees and poos, I told her this morning that I was gonna go shower once I got home, cause I always stink (Well I think I do) after nursery and my hair takes like hours to dry... She had it waiting for me, I just looked at her and she threw it at me.. Like lifted the plate and threw it at my head.. I just I can't take this.. Just everytihng.. Today, the comments the names,everything. I'm sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mum's just put on Facebook that I was an accident and that she would happily give me up free of charge. Only down side is that I eat alot.

    You know, I may be 18 but her words still hurt. If I don't eat all my dinner she yells at me, if I do eat it all she calls me fat. She wonders why I hate myself.. I'm sick of all this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shes done it again... Feel so stupid that I jeep allowing this to happen.
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