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I want to be dead

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
I've been thinking of ways to succeed in suicide. I really don't want to think about the pain i may cause my family and friends but i feel like most people have forgotten and don't care about me any more. My hallucinations aren't even here.... I'm lonely, oh so lonely and i think i want to leave, for good. :heart:

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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey :wave:

    Firstly well done for opening up and posting on here *hug*

    I am sorry to hear how you are feeling, you mention feeling lonely, I am just wondering if you have any support systems in place already?

    Also there is lots of helplines available, for example.. Samaritans they have a phone, and email and text service. I have contacted them before and everything is confidential and they wont judge you, they will listen to you and talk to you. Their text number is 07725 909090

    Also there is other ways to get support around your mental health, if you are in danger, calling 999 or getting yourself to the nearest A&E.

    Nobody is going to judge you and I am sure that people do care, sometimes when we feel low, we can see the negative in everything around us, and we need that support and guidance to get through it, to be able to see things a bit more positively.

    You are not alone and we all care :heart:

    Keep us posted and let us know how you are *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey there ImmortalSmiles,

    Warm welcomes to TheSite.org message boards, and it's wonderful to see you posting! I've noticed you're from Canada, ooh, I'm off to Canada myself on the 20th, I'm really looking forward to it! Any suggestions on what to check out would be lovely? :) I'm sorry to hear about the difficult position you're in, it sounds as though you're feeling quite low, do you get any support at the moment with your mental health?

    I'm uncertain of support offered in Canada, but Befrienders, like Claire mentioned is worth checking out, their number should be on there site hopefully and it should also state whether your area has a text service to, but you could always Email them and they often take around 24 hours to respond, but there good to have when you just need someone to rant away at.

    I'm glad you're still here, it shows true strength to see you reaching out for support. Often, when we're feeling really low, we don't really consider those whom it might affect around us, we focus on our own consuming thoughts. You don't have to be lonely here, were here for you :heart:

    Has something specific happened to trigger you? You mentioned no longer having hallucinations, that's really positive to here, were you, or are you still in therapy, etc? Or getting any support? And again like Claire mentioned, if you did feel as though you were in immediate danger, I would call the ambulance service on 911 (I think)! Look after yourself lovely,

    Keep us updated, and we care!!
    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey
    Sorry your feeling so low. It can't be easy to feel like this.
    Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? I know it seems really scary to think about but you've made the first step by writing this thread - which is brilliant :)
    You said you don't want to think about the pain it will cause your friends and family. Is this because you know that it will upset them if you do succeed? It sounds like you have people around you that would like to support you but like I said it is a scary thought

    Plus keep us up to date

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey - just wanted to drop in and echo what others have said, we're here to listen if you'd like to tell us a bit more about what's been going on lately.

    I also wanted to just pass on the link to Befrienders: http://www.befrienders.org/ which you can access from Canada.

    *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you very much, not many supports have been put in place since i came back since i was alright... it wasnt till recent that i started to feel myself reaching a very dark place again.
    Thank you for the number and link <3 Although im not too sure what 999 and A&E is but as long as it doesnt take me to the hospital its ok!
    Hmm, i agree lately its very hard to see the positive things when your mood is just so sour.
    Thanks my love, i will try my best!


    I MESSED UP MY REPLIES IM SO SORRY, ITS GOING FROM THE FIRST PERSON WHO COMMENTED DOWNWARD... PLEASE FORGIVE!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well hello there! It all depends on which part of Canada, right now in the southern parts its cool due to the harsh winter we had but there is still many fun activities to enjoy like horse back riding, we have the falls and Canadas wonderland of course, as well as haunted houses even at this time of year! In the North there isn't much to enjoy unless you go to West Ed Mall but other than that its mainly sight-seeing!
    Thank you for the support. I agree with you, when im feeling low i tend not to care how it hurts my family :$
    Uhm we don't exactly know what casues my depression, when i was younge i thought it was my mother but we've repaired everything and im still feeling this way... I wish i knew!!!! All i know is when i feel lonely is when it reaches its peek. Ahhh i dont like the hospital so id rather not but thank youu <3
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    Hey
    Sorry your feeling so low. It can't be easy to feel like this.
    Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? I know it seems really scary to think about but you've made the first step by writing this thread - which is brilliant :)
    You said you don't want to think about the pain it will cause your friends and family. Is this because you know that it will upset them if you do succeed? It sounds like you have people around you that would like to support you but like I said it is a scary thought

    Plus keep us up to date

    Sent by Sony Xperia

    I tried telling my boyfriend but lately ive been feeling like he is getting fed up with my depression ( its probably just me over thinking or whatever) But thank you! My parents know how i feel and as do my brother but im unsure of where to go to from here or even how to have a better day.. I mean all i want to do is bawl my eyes out and wish for someone to be by my side but that gets old, quickly. Also, yes youre correct, it will greatly upset my family especially sine theyve been trying to help me so much...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jo7 wrote: »
    Hey - just wanted to drop in and echo what others have said, we're here to listen if you'd like to tell us a bit more about what's been going on lately.

    I also wanted to just pass on the link to Befrienders: http://www.befrienders.org/ which you can access from Canada.

    *hug*

    Thank you for the link my love <3 It helps. I will try to explain as best as I can...Though ive been told im not very good at it. x.x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi everyone, I really would like to say thank you for posting.... Even saying "hi" can make a huge impact. I know some of you have asked me about support systems, truthfully we were working on it but when i left for vacation and came back recently we got a little lost so things are at a stand still. The links and numbers you have posted are greatly appreciated, in times such as those i really do need someone to listen and sometimes telling family/friends can be scary.
    Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had since February/March... but today is a new day and im going to work on keeping myself distracted although that didn't do much for me yesterday.
    We don't really know what causes my depression just yet, at first we thought it could have been due to bullying or my mother but since then both have faded and im still stuck this way. The depression comes and goes as it pleases but i have noticed that when it does come the feeling of being lonely overwhelms me. My boyfriend has usually been really supportive of me but lately I'm feeling distant and like he's getting more and more frustrated, like he too doesn't want to try any more, and believe me that hurts. He lives up North but quit his job to move closer to me... but right now he is at his mothers about 5 hours away from where i am... I really need him but I don't want to be the needy girlfriend... He knows this yet i still feel like he doesn't care, threatening to tell my mother and teasing me by inviting me and his friend out for the day at Canadas wonderland...then expecting me to be immediately happy about this. I've tried to get him to understand a bit more but sometimes i feel like he expects too much from me. I'm really bad with explaining things to him... but I've tried to have this conversation with him... MAI DOESN'T KNOW YOU GUYS... SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ImmortalSmiles wrote: »
    I tried telling my boyfriend but lately ive been feeling like he is getting fed up with my depression ( its probably just me over thinking or whatever) But thank you! My parents know how i feel and as do my brother but im unsure of where to go to from here or even how to have a better day.. I mean all i want to do is bawl my eyes out and wish for someone to be by my side but that gets old, quickly. Also, yes youre correct, it will greatly upset my family especially sine theyve been trying to help me so much...

    I'm so sorry to hear your struggling so much at the minute :( sending lot of cuddles your way
    Have you heard of a site called 7 Cups Of Tea? It's brilliant. I'm a listener on there but the support they give to members is excellent. Maybe this is some support you could look into?
    There's always support out there for you, us guys being one of them, so you never need to be alone with your struggles. There's always someone there to help

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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