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How to cope with finishing counselling
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello :wave:
I have been looking for some resources around this, there are some threads on Netmums and NoPanic from people looking for advice too but it's not something we cover in much depth here on TheSite although it did come up in our expert chat with Allie from Off The Record a while back.
Having a counsellor can be a really important source of support, a place to feel heard and have somewhere you feel safe as well as someone to trust and confide in. Unfortunately if you're referred via the NHS then this may only be for a short number of sessions or there may be other reasons why your counselling has to come to and end - for example if you have to move from child to adult services.
Your counsellor should help to prepare you and also take some time to reflect on what you have achieved together as well as identify other sources of support for when you finish. If you feel you really need to continue the counselling then it's worth talking to the counsellor about this too to see what your options might be for more sessions.
It would be great to hear from anyone that's been through this to hear about how you coped and what advice you might give to someone whose sessions are coming to an end? Or, if you're facing the end of your counselling sessions, what are you most worried about?
Look forward to hearing your thoughts :yes:
I have been looking for some resources around this, there are some threads on Netmums and NoPanic from people looking for advice too but it's not something we cover in much depth here on TheSite although it did come up in our expert chat with Allie from Off The Record a while back.
Having a counsellor can be a really important source of support, a place to feel heard and have somewhere you feel safe as well as someone to trust and confide in. Unfortunately if you're referred via the NHS then this may only be for a short number of sessions or there may be other reasons why your counselling has to come to and end - for example if you have to move from child to adult services.
Your counsellor should help to prepare you and also take some time to reflect on what you have achieved together as well as identify other sources of support for when you finish. If you feel you really need to continue the counselling then it's worth talking to the counsellor about this too to see what your options might be for more sessions.
It would be great to hear from anyone that's been through this to hear about how you coped and what advice you might give to someone whose sessions are coming to an end? Or, if you're facing the end of your counselling sessions, what are you most worried about?
Look forward to hearing your thoughts :yes:
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They just say to me that today my last day
Www.kooth.com
Sorry to hear that heather, it's a shame that they didn't give you any warning
Have you found the counselling helpful so far? Can you think of anything that you'll remember from it that will help you in the future?
My tips-
Start thinking early about what it is that you have learnt during counselling. This can be about yourself or a technique to cope, or anything really. Make sure you write it down - at the time you might remember but in a few months you might not. By doing this you can remind yourself of the progress you made during the counselling sessions and perhaps be able to try it again if you find yourself in a similar situation.
Discuss with your counsellor whether you could taper your sessions off towards the end. I was used to weekly sessions and the transition to absolutely nothing was really tough. I kept feeling like my head was overflowing and there was no outlet any more. So try having a few sessions fortnightly.
Try to identify whether you need any more support, and what the support is for. Do you need it for day to day issues, or for a certain issue. Try to contact the organisation you might need help from in good time, or if you need further counselling as your counsellor whether you can be put back on a waiting list. Some counsellors may have policies on how long you have to wait, or different types of waiting lists - it's worth trying to explore your options.
At the same time, I honestly believe it is healthy to take a break from counselling for a while, even though it feels really difficult because you can end up being in a cycle of almost addiction really to getting help. I know for a while I went from service to service, having counselling here and there but never really making much progress. It was only when all of this stopped that I actually got somewhere because I was having time to reflect and implement what I had learnt. The first few weeks my head just felt like everything was whirling around and I was always mentally adding it to lists of things to talk through with the counsellor. Getting past that stage can be tricky. I think the closest I got to getting past this was just writing in a notepad, as if I was going to speak to my counsellor. Then writing what I would say, and then what we'd discuss - almost as though I was counselling myself.
Reading through the links Jo posted, I also remembered how hard it is to say bye to the counsellor which is, I suppose, something I had forgotten about. When you think about it, it's like no other relationship that you will form, ever. You meet someone who knows so, so much about you - and in some cases you don't even know the counsellor's real name. Even getting over not having that person in your life any more can be really difficult - in a way it's like losing someone close to you - or at least that's how it felt to me. There's not much I can recommed, but eventually you think less about that person less and less and a few years down the line, you might not even remember what they look like. It's like when mentally preparing yourself for the session and thinking 'oh, I must tell x that' then realising that you won't be able to tell them. But the more historic it gets, the less you rely and think about the person.
I'm dreading it coming to an end, and yea I know all good things come to an end and all that, but she's helped me through so much and she still is, she made me promise that I would stay alive until I finished our sessions.. And I've gotta keep fighting and all that. But I'm so scared that once I finish I'm gonna slip back into my old ways again. I never even thought I would ever say this, but I've noticed a chance in how I am now to how I was 6 months ago. Like my confidence has improved a tiny bit and that's down to her. I guess that just knowing that after Wednesday I can't have any contact with her is going to be hard and the fact that I've got to do everything on my own again, like I can't go running and crying in her email when things get hard.
It's really interesting what you say about it being healthy to take a break from counselling too, so that you don't become really reliant on it and get the chance to put what you're learning into practice a bit more, without the safety net.
I really like the advice about 'counselling yourself' too:
Perhaps that something you could try Suzy :yes:
Irrelevant really but I just wanted to say that as she knew it was ending, mine wrote two letters for me and one was specifically for when I'm having a bad day, so I can reread what she would usually say to me and remind myself of certain things. I don't read it every time, I usually read if I really need to let go and just have such a huge cry. If I'm already upset it does push my to let it out and that does help when I want it to
Yes I recmend it to everyone the ege that they can talk to
Its starting to hit me, last session on Friday!
I have so many emotions to CBT ending:
It's not just the end of CBT, its the end of having someone to confide in for me (it wasn't all just coping techniques but we would chat a lot about whats on my mind, my struggles etc.).
I am kinda embarrassed to admit this- I will miss her as a person, she was really kind and supportive. I know its not a friendship or anything (its only her job) but still.
I knew that this would be the end since I started, was only allocated 6 sessions.
I feel so scared, plus so many changes will be happening soon. I'll worry how I'll cope. I worry how I will get through this.... I fear that the worst will happen.
feeling sad and emotional talking about this
I wasn't sure if this thread was too old to post on, but Mike said it should be okay.
(forgot I posted on this last year).
Well I'm more or less over missing my old therapist, but continuing my story...... things went really bad since posting ^ and i went back to have more therapy (which ive been having since december now). Now its time to end this therapy, and im dreading it.....haven't had much time therapy free since my first therapy. Also as last one I went downhill after (very badly), I worry it will happen again.
After reading above posts, I am trying my hardest to prepare for my last 2 sessions and I have dropped down from weekly to two weekly.
I tried to write in a diary (as though talking to my old therapist) after my first lot, didn't keep it up though
I just feel I wont cope with it, especially as I'm prone to bad thoughts, but maybe people will say - your becoming dependent- maybe I am, but lets face it when have I ever coped in life (I was bullied when younger, and various things).
Sorry I hoped to be more optimistic on this thread, does anyone have any good "stories" from websites- regarding ending counselling/therapy and the journey? I feel maybe hearing positive stories may help me, but I can't relate to any of the US articles I see when I look online- seems like they pay so choose when therapy ends themselves, I'm just being told your time is almost up
I try to think maybe it would be good for me, but it doesn't feel real!!
Things worked out well for me in the end, but as I've said it was really hard at the time and I think it's important to recognise that. It is a big change but you will learn to cope.
I would start now to think of what you have learnt in your sessions and to write it down so you will remember in the future, and then start to try and use this as a reminder when things get tough.
From other threads it sounds like this round of therapy has been really useful and I like the idea the therapist had of you trying new things - perhaps you could continue with some of these ideas after your sessions come to an end?
I'm sorry I can't provide you with a positive story per se!
Glad to hear it worked out, I hope I do......I just get the feeling cause its me, I wont be able to do it! Moving on is so hard.
I have been trying to do that- writing things down, I've also organised all my therapy worksheets in a folder now, so I have everything together.
I will try some of the ideas when it comes to an end
I have been trying to use therapy stuff but I'm really feeling the fear of life.....I'm different and I know it!
To be honest the past few days I've calmed down about therapy ending, have been quite distracted though. Although I was thinking about it today, and I'm starting to feel a bit down again about it
Oh and now it's 3 weeks until my last counselling session (I have 2 left right now)
Just checking in to see how you're doing today? that's good to hear that you've calmed down about therapy ending in past few days. Whens your next counselling session?
My next therapy session is this Thursday (accidently said counselling, although it does have aspects of counselling in it- I talk about my feelings and expereinces , as well as learn techniques). Sort of freaking out with therapy ending- I'm still having really tough days
Interesting that you note the difference in the terms counselling and therapy. I just had a quick Google and learned something!
I know you said you're doing a lot of prep for therapy ending - gathering notes, etc. Out of interest, do you have a more solid idea of how you might handle a tough day once you've had your final session?
Logically yes, me and my psychologist prepared a emotions chart thing and wrote next to it, ideas to handle how I feel etc. But things aren't always as easy as they seem, as I am finding! She is going to type it up for me. Last session next week :nervous: