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National Orgasm Day - faking it
Danny!
Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
It's National Orgasm Day today!
A study last year found that 58% of women had faked an orgasm at least once in their relationship. 10% of men reported doing the same.
Most of us enjoy a good orgasm (or even an OK one!). But hopefully we also get a lot from giving our sexual partners orgasms. This can contribute to a pressure to orgasm, and some people dealing with this by faking it.
People report different reasons for faking it, including not wanting to hurt their partner's feelings, or because they felt too tired or drunk for a genuine orgasm to be possible.
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Would you? Is sparing a lover's feelings a good thing, or is it always better to be honest?
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If it's definitely not going to happen, then a small amount of faking/exaggeration keeps everyone happy and it can be much less of a mood killer than 'give up, there's no point'.
I dont think its ever a good idea for either person though. I know id be upset if i found out someone as just pretending the whole time
Meds, tiredness, stress, inexperience, they all make it harder to come. But faking it doesn't do anyone any favours. How does your partner know which buttons to press if you fake it all the time? Much better to say "I'm having a great time but won't come because of x".
PS
I think there's several good points here. On the positive side for faking it is:
The way we're taught to see sex is often as a means to an end - orgasm. It is possible to have a brilliant time without coming. But it can also to be hard to make your partner feel this, and not to worry that maybe you're not doing it well enough, or they don't like you enough. That kind of pressured emotional situation makes an orgasm less likely. So faking it and getting rid of that pressure can mean that everything is easier and you're more likely to come.
A possible workaround for this (especially for women's orgasms) is to spend lots of time on oral sex first (or anything else that makes your lover likely to orgasm). If you've made your partner climax before penetrative sex, this can take a lot of pressure off.
On the negative side, faking it can make it really hard to learn together:
Not only is it really important for both partners to feel fulfilled, but learning what works best for you both can be really enjoyable process, and one that brings you together.
It could also be hurtful to find out that your partner's been faking it. Maybe, like with many other relationship questions, this one comes down to communication. If you're at the beginning of a relationship, or having sex outside of a relationship, then sometimes faking it could mean that you both go away more satisfied. But if you're in a longer-term relationship, it seems important to have those discussions and experiments and teach each other.
In long term relationships I've used the saying "don't hold back", which they have known essentially translates as... "I've had a really nice time, but we've been at it a while and I don't think it's going to happen for me today, so you concentrate on what's good for you and don't delay just for my sake".
Also, I think YSH's system is pretty good.
If it's a one-night stand with a stranger I probably wouldn't care too much if they were faking it, though I'd think them a bit silly for it. I don't see the point of it. I'm not precious enough to think that I've failed if the girl doesn't come, because there are so many reasons why they wouldn't.
But for anything more than that, I'd be quite upset at the lying. And faking it is lying, even if it's only a white lie and it's done with the best of intentions. I'd much rather have the honesty- "I'm having a great time but I won't be coming any time soon"- than have them fake an orgasm. I think faking it just does more harm than good.
This.