Advice? Am i a lesbian, help?!

Former Member

Um, I don't really know if I have a question to ask or something...I just really need some experienced advice (or unexperienced, I'm not fussy) about a girl (I'm a girl too, btw).

We never used to know each other, then we became friends through friends etc...and now I feel like she's my best friend. She IS my best friend. However recently I've been confiding in her more and more about my self harming; my anxiety; my self hate; and just everything that's crazy right now. I feel so close to her and sometimes I wonder if she's more than a friend to me? I'm constantly talking to her online, and she is talking back. We love the same things, and she's just been incredible, you know, helping me with all my shit - it's brought us together. Sometimes I just feel so obsessed with her! I don't know why?! Friends don't feel this way, do they? I feel like I'm in love with her, but I'm not sure...
If anyone has any advice, I'd hugely appreciate it.

P.S she is coming to my house tomorrow, and we're dying our hair. I'm so nervous, I'm having panic attacks, and sometimes I can't breath. I feel like it's a date? Aha, please help!

Former Member

Thing with this, is it's something only you actually know the answer to. But there are some things you can bear in mind.

You just need to go with your gut on this. Can you picture yourself in a romantic/sexual relationship with this girl? Or are you just uber close friends because of what you've been going through? Because there is a big difference. The attraction you feel to her being the main one. Have you ever had romantic/sexual feelings about a guy before? These are all things you need to be thinking about. But you CAN be that close to somebody because of the hard times - feeling very reliant on someone can lead to you feeling a tiny bit 'obsessed' because you constantly want them around as they're such serious support for you.

One last thing to bear in mind is (slightly irrelevant to the title of your thread, but probably helpful to the situation), how do you think she feels about you? Is she a lesbian or bisexual, that you know of?

As for the anxiety, if you're having serious attacks then remember a few deep breaths can do the world of good. Try focusing on something while you calm yourself down. A panic attack can't harm you.

Good luck!

Former Member

Well do you want to kiss her or fuck her??

Former Member

grace wrote: »

Well do you want to kiss her or fuck her??

grace asking the tough questions, haha.

Former Member

MikeS wrote: »

Thing with this, is it's something only you actually know the answer to. But there are some things you can bear in mind.

You just need to go with your gut on this. Can you picture yourself in a romantic/sexual relationship with this girl? Or are you just uber close friends because of what you've been going through? Because there is a big difference. The attraction you feel to her being the main one. Have you ever had romantic/sexual feelings about a guy before? These are all things you need to be thinking about. But you CAN be that close to somebody because of the hard times - feeling very reliant on someone can lead to you feeling a tiny bit 'obsessed' because you constantly want them around as they're such serious support for you.

One last thing to bear in mind is (slightly irrelevant to the title of your thread, but probably helpful to the situation), how do you think she feels about you? Is she a lesbian or bisexual, that you know of?

As for the anxiety, if you're having serious attacks then remember a few deep breaths can do the world of good. Try focusing on something while you calm yourself down. A panic attack can't harm you.

Good luck!

I can see myself being romantic with her, not nessasarly sexual aha, just holding hands and hugs and light kisses. What you said about us being 'uber close' makes so much sense, so I guess it might be that? I do feel attracted to her though. She's so beautiful, not just the way she looks, but her personality and the way she thinks is beautiful too. I have had crushes on guys before, but I never knew them as well as I know her - so the feeling is stronger.
And, I am obsessed with her! So much I want her around all the time (like you said) and I always go looking for her at school just so I can be with her.
I don't know her what her sexuality is, so not much help there
THANK YOU SO MUCH, you've really helped :')

Former Member

imsoscared wrote: »

I can see myself being romantic with her, not nessasarly sexual aha, just holding hands and hugs and light kisses. What you said about us being 'uber close' makes so much sense, so I guess it might be that? I do feel attracted to her though. She's so beautiful, not just the way she looks, but her personality and the way she thinks is beautiful too. I have had crushes on guys before, but I never knew them as well as I know her - so the feeling is stronger.
And, I am obsessed with her! So much I want her around all the time (like you said) and I always go looking for her at school just so I can be with her.
I don't know her what her sexuality is, so not much help there
THANK YOU SO MUCH, you've really helped :')

Purely from my perspective, it does sound like you have feelings for this girl that go further than friendship. But that's something you may need to explore for yourself and get your head round.

Very welcome, of course. Keep us updated.

Danny!

Hi imsoscared

You asked "am I a lesbian?", and I wondered if that question might head you in the wrong direction. Sexual orientation can vary a lot, and most people have some feelings towards someone of the same sex in their life.

So if you forget about labels for the moment, might it help to think - if this was a boy and I felt like this, would I think I fancied him? Is this a very different kind of feeling from feeling incredibly close to a family member who you are going through a lot with?

And I think the question about whether you can imagine things being sexual with her is important. Lots of friends hold hands and cuddle and kiss on the cheek without there being anything sexual going on.

It sounds like it be worth taking some time to try and work out how you feel before you make any decisions. Like MikeS says, the power of someone providing you with a lot of support in a way that you don't get elsewhere can be pretty strong. Also, if you decide to hold off a little, maybe that would take the pressure off feeling like hanging out together is a date for a little bit?

Keep coming back with your thoughts and feelings

Former Member

I think she realises that she means a lot to me and that I love her. Whether she thinks it's in a romantic way or friend way I don't know, and neither do I. She went away for a week last week, and I missed her uncontrollably. When she got back I messaged her saying exactly how much I missed her and she replied saying she missed me too. But I don't know what to make of it. Did she just casually miss me or did she miss me like I missed her? (which was thinking about her all day and missing her so much that it hurt). I don't know. I think the only way to find out for sure is to ask her or at least ask her how I could advise a fictional friend in the same situation. I don't know.

Former Member

Hey imsoscared,

I can understand and see how this is a confusing time for you - making sense of our own feelings can be complicated at times.

Talking to your friend about how she is feeling may help you to make sense of things in your mind. but as Danny says, it might be good to take some time to work out how you're feeling before making any decisions at this stage.

You might want to think about if you would definitely want to take your relationship to another level before making your feelings known to her too - make sure you're happy with how you feel and what you want to happen first and foremost.

This article might help you to think about your feelings, and has some advice on how to talk to your friend if you choose to: http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/single-life-and-dating/i-love-my-best-friend-3183.html

Let us know how you get on and come back to let us know how you're feeling

Former Member

How did this go?

Liking her does not make you a lesbian... It just means you like that person.

Former Member

Could theoretically also be that you have a shattered self-esteem and you found someone you can idolize and adore and in the end murder to take her identity to get away with that break and entry of dick cheney's second yacht.

Just a hunch though.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

Could theoretically also be that you have a shattered self-esteem and you found someone you can idolize and adore and in the end murder to take her identity to get away with that break and entry of dick cheney's second yacht.

Just a hunch though.

Maybe you should stop being a dick and consider how your words might hurt other peoples feelings, okay? I know that I have a non-existent self esteem so I don't need little shits like you tell me what I already know. If you're not going to be helpful just leave it because no-one has time for people, like you, who put others down.
Thanks

Former Member

Namaste wrote: »

How did this go?

Liking her does not make you a lesbian... It just means you like that person.

I haven't worked up the courage to tell her yet. Plus she is going through some things with her nan at the moment so I don't want to make it worse by putting lots of pressure on her. Hopefully I can ask her about it soon though c:

Former Member

Hey imsoscared,

There's no need to rush in to talking to your friend, make sure you're ready and the time feels right for you. It's nice that you're taking in to consideration what she's going through with her nan, that's very thoughtful

Let us know how you get on, you'll be fine :thumb: