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Struggling with life
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't really know how to word what I want to say, so I apologise if it doesn't make sense.
Things just seem to be getting from bad to worse and I'm struggling to keep staying alive, everything just seems like it would be better for everyone if I wasn't around anymore, people would be happier because they wouldn't need to deal with me anymore, I wouldn't be in their way.
It's getting harder to simply do day to day things, it's hard getting out of bed and it's hard waking up.
Everything seems so pointless and I feel so worthless. I'm such a useless human and my existence means nothing.
I just want it all to be over. I don't feel safe anywhere anymore. I don't know.. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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Things just seem to be getting from bad to worse and I'm struggling to keep staying alive, everything just seems like it would be better for everyone if I wasn't around anymore, people would be happier because they wouldn't need to deal with me anymore, I wouldn't be in their way.
It's getting harder to simply do day to day things, it's hard getting out of bed and it's hard waking up.
Everything seems so pointless and I feel so worthless. I'm such a useless human and my existence means nothing.
I just want it all to be over. I don't feel safe anywhere anymore. I don't know.. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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I don't have much to say, but I wanted to reach out to you, because you're an amazing, compassionate, lovely, young adult, and I'm glad I have a friend like you on TS. #SoppyMoment. Things sound awfully tough at the moment, but it's great to see you've come on here, and posted about it, because that shows a great amount of strength.
Are you currently getting any support outside off the online environment? For example counselling? When were struggling the most, it may seem as though things would be better off if we weren't here, but I can assure you they wouldn't, there are so many people out there that love, and care about you, and always will.
But you've shown strength through posting here, and you've shown compassion with the support you've offer, and you've been a pretty epic banter buddy! I've always told myself that everyone has a purpose, were just not to sure what it is at the moment, and the pain of waiting can be such a dread, but were soon to find out, we leave our mark somewhere on earth, and it will always stay there. (And I don't mean craving your name into a wall
Would you be able to tell us a bit about what's bought this feeling on?
Best wishes, *hug*
WhispersOfTheHeart
Thank you for replying
The soppy moment was appreciated
I don't have any support offline, no. It just kinda feels like nobody would even notice that I wasn't here.
I don't even know exactly what it is that's brought it on, but it's been like it for a while, but it's hard to explain because there are times when things do seem okay and during those times I'm happy and it feels like nothing can change that but that's what makes the bad days worse because it's like a major low after you've experienced that happiness and then you're left questioning why the happiness couldn't stay which then results in thinking and thinking is never a good thing. That makes no sense, I guess I mean I love the good days, but then having those good days makes the bad days even worse and so much harder to cope with if that makes sense?
*hug*
Tues
You said you feel like it would be better for everyone if you wasn't around, but I don't believe this one bit. I love to see you around the boards and chat, and I feel we have grown closer these last few weeks which is great!
We're always here if you ever need to talk
I know it would be better for everyone if I wasn't around, I've been told it plenty of times.
Life just seems pointless, I'm tired of being a waste of space
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This. Getting professional support is a step that a lot of people think is too far/never going to work/not warranted, but if you're feeling this bad, and, like you say, if its affecting your day to day life, its definitely worth looking in to. Maybe a visit to a GP?
You're certainly not worthless or any of that other nonsense you were saying. WOTH is right - everyone has a purpose. It's so easy to feel lost and useless when things get really bad, but "when you hear the sounds of devils, all else is quiet". We focus on the bad and can't see anything else. It's something everyone's capable of given the right mindset, its just a matter of knowing how distorted it is and what you're cutting form your field of view.
The good days can very well make the bad days seem worse, but making the good times last is something that can really help. Also preserving them - taking reminders and such of those times and keeping them.
I've already been to the GP this was like back at the end of March though and they prescribed me antidepressants and referred me to camhs, but then I got old and now I no longer see camhs. The antidepressants are still supposed to last me another 3 months but yeah things happened and they mysteriously vanished so I can't go back to the GP because MR Scary Doctor Man won't do anything.
I have one thing to look forward to, that I'm actually really looking forward to, but then there are thoughts about if that goes wrong or if that doesn't happen and things like that.
My thoughts are horrific right now and I just want to curl up in a ditch and pretend I don't exist for a while.
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If anyone else here said that, what would you say to them Tues?
Whoever is telling you that Tues is wrong. It's great having you around and you would be missed
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It may sound impossible now, but I do really believe that you can and will get though this, your a strong person. You know where my inbox is if you want a natter.
SuzyOwl
I totally agree with this!
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But that's different though..
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Surely they can't all be wrong though..
Nobody would notice I'm gone, not family or friends or well anyone really.
I'm not strong though that's the thing, I'm really not and I can't see why people think that I am because I'm honestly so far from it..
I'm struggling.. A lot
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The advice you would give to someone in the same position is always worth thinking about. I bet you'd have a lot to say to someone who was, hm?
When people say you're strong, they mean it. Whenever someone under this much pressure with things to cope with in life thinks they're weak because they can't, I just wanna slap them with a wet fish. You're dealing with a hell of a lot more than the people you're probably comparing yourself to when you say you're weak. Therefore, every minute you spend wading through things and sticking it out you should credit yourself a million times more than you are. Think of it like this... someone trying to balance 10 things on each hand deserves a hell of a lot more admiration than someone who's only balancing 3 on each, even if they drop one or two every now and again. The fact you're struggling doesn't take away from your strength at all.
Going back to what you said about your GP visit - they seem to be a bit hit and miss with people. Do you think it's worth giving it a go again?
I would have a lot to say to someone who's in my position, yes. But because I don't see myself as being as important as other people I can't give myself the same advice because I simply don't deserve it.
I really don't see myself as strong, if you new the mistakes and decisions I had made then you wouldn't see me as strong either. (Please don't hit me with a wet fish though)
I don't know, the GP always makes me panic and I always seem to end up worse than I was before I went. I can't go on my own anyway
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You sound exactly how I was a few years back. At that point I was incredibly low and didn't think I was worthy of anything
Its wrong Tues and you are incredibly special and I love to see you around the boards and in chats
Some people in life can be really cruel. They crave people's sadness because they are insecure themselves. They think that by bringing others down they will feel better themselves. But in the end your left very hurt. Please don't let these people ruin your life. Your the only person that can be you so no one would want to lose you. Your special sweetie and I am very saddened to hear that your so low
Look after yourself because you deserve happiness xx
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It seems to be a lot of people either get a doctor/appointment that really helps or one that really craps on things. It might be worth persevering with just for the possibility of getting a good one. If you're really not keen on the idea, maybe look in to counselling through another route?
Focus on what you have to be excited about, it might prove a good distraction?
If I was strong, I wouldn't get upset over the smallest things.. I wouldn't let certain people make me feel like pure shit. A strong person would be able to cut them out of their lives.
If I do go to the GP it will have to be when my brother comes down because I have a lot of issues about going on my own.
I'm trying to focus on it, it's the one thing that's Making me happy right now.. Just want it to hurry up so I can stop panicking about it.
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Not true. If you're holding up the much bigger things in life you're more likely to let the smaller things get to you. In the same way that being stressed out about having a busy week at college or work can make you unintentionally snap at people or be a bit short tempered. If you're trying to deal with a lot, you're going to spring the odd leak. That just shows how much you're coping with and certainly doesn't show any weakness. It's not easy to cut anybody out of your life, particularly if they're an integral part of it (or were, for that matter).
When's your brother coming down?
You should talk to her about it, might that put your mind at ease?
Saying that u can't do the basic things like getting out of bed, making a cup of tea and getting out the house are somethings we all take for granteed and we should remember that most of us are lucky to do not one day not being able to do those things no more. That make sense to u?
Although there ways to get help and support and in that case for u it could just be making another visit to the GP and asking to see it doctor again abourt it mediction. Hopefully u will feel a tad better once u have been there and got that started.
There isn't a no way to think like it not worthy just cuz feel right now that u can't cope as that's not true. Everyone likes u on here and would hate to see u go. You know that u can talk any of us friends at anytime and now u know me u can talk to me and I will try and help u
Best of luck with everything and remember to get back x
But it should be easy to cut them out of my life.. Their being an absolute fucknugget and it's not okay at all but they don't seem to get that. But I can't get rid of them because I'm too busy worrying about them and making sure they're okay and I'm scared of hurting them.
I don't know, hopefully at the end of next month.
Yeah I think I will.
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I'm not on medication, I ran out of it and it's not as simple as just going back and asking for me.
Honestly no, that doesn't make sense to me. Sorry.
Not everybody on here likes me and I'm sure a few people would be glad to see me gone, but that's okay. I can't just open up about certain things because of many reasons..
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Other people are more important, I'd much rather them be safe and happy, they deserve it more than me.
I can't exactly turn around to them and be like 'hi yeah you're an absolute fucknugget and what you're doing isn't okay and you're actually hurting me a hell of a lot' that would be rude..
I'm trying to cut contact out, it's hard though
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I get its hard, but its great that you're doing it.
I clearly have a way with words. Absolute charmer me
But it does hurt to tell someone that they're hurting me because it might upset them to hear the truth and I don't want to upset people.
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You don't get it though, I will be hurting someone and that's something that I can't willingly let myself do no matter how much they hurt me..
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