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Unsure, confused and sorry
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Heyy... Me again,
Really not gonna expect anyone to answer... I know most people think I'm a horrible person or a twat as I've been called before, but yea I just needa rant somewhere...
Placement, been there on my last block week finish on Friday, even placement has had its horrible days.. I was screamed at for comforting a child who fell right in front of me, like the leader screamed at me in front of all the parents of the children, I just stood there and took it what else could I do? She just made me feel like I was useless at what I was doing, some of the things she said was just horrible, like at that point I wanted to just quit.. After that happened I just went into the office and hid and did my paperwork where my mentor there came and spoke to me somehow she's managed to convince me to stay till Friday.
Got my last observation in placement tomorrow, I'm so scared... It's only a snack time I'm doing, but I'm going over everything in my head, what happens if it goes wrong? What happens if the little un's don't listen to me? What happens if they really hyper child at my table goes a bit mad? I'm so scared
Like at the moment I'm just finding it super hard to talk again..And I've found myself just pushing people away, like just telling everyone to leave me alone. Trying to push them away to protect them from me, I don't deserve people to talk to I just make them feel bad which I don't mean to do, so it's just like easer if I don't talk to people.. I do try not to be like that when I'm with the kids I try to like keep that all in my head when I with them, mainly cause it's not fair on them they don't deserve me to be like that, but it is hard cause it's like I'm forcing myself to talk, and my brain is like no Suzanne don't talk, you arnt allowed to talk. Not to sure how that works.. Mehh sorry
Work has been well.. Eventful.. I give away over 5 grand in the space of 7 mins... Only an owl could do that
Then Sunday night I give away 2 grand XD I'm a disaster 
However, one of the staff members quit... Which means we are so understaffed and the customers give off cause we arnt getting to them fast enough, which is hard enough, like last night there was over 400 people in and we now only have 2 members of staff.. Which means we are rushed off our feet trying to sort everything out... It's while stressful.
Even though all that was going on at work, I was talking to Paul on Saturday and he just asked me the simple question 'Are you ok?' and I walked out in tears.. Just stood outside and cried.. He just came out and hugged me told me it was gonna be ok and everything would work out somehow.
Collage work... Mmm well, it's not finished yet, still got a lesson plan to write up last one of 35 thankfully! Then got a booklet on babies from 0-5 years and how they develop and what their needs and stuff is, then corrections for attachment and stuff, but I'm finished first year next Wednesday, which is like super scary find out tomorrow when I'm getting observed if I'm allowed back into second year.
Even as I type this now I'm trying my hardest not to cry.. I want to but I don't allow myself to cry, I make no scene at times I know, but I've got everyone else to think of and I have to be strong for them, even though it's hard but that's just life I guess.
I'm just like really unsure about everything, just like questioning everything. Trying to think why do people bother with me? I don't deserve anyone, I only hurt people I talk to, everyone would be better off without me.
And a sorry from an owl. This really goes to everyone this sorry, I'm sorry for how I've been over the past wee while, I deserve everything I get. But yea, to anyone I've been snappy with, or been annoying to or whatever else, Just know I'm sorry.
That's all,
The annoying owl,
Suzy.
Really not gonna expect anyone to answer... I know most people think I'm a horrible person or a twat as I've been called before, but yea I just needa rant somewhere...
Placement, been there on my last block week finish on Friday, even placement has had its horrible days.. I was screamed at for comforting a child who fell right in front of me, like the leader screamed at me in front of all the parents of the children, I just stood there and took it what else could I do? She just made me feel like I was useless at what I was doing, some of the things she said was just horrible, like at that point I wanted to just quit.. After that happened I just went into the office and hid and did my paperwork where my mentor there came and spoke to me somehow she's managed to convince me to stay till Friday.
Got my last observation in placement tomorrow, I'm so scared... It's only a snack time I'm doing, but I'm going over everything in my head, what happens if it goes wrong? What happens if the little un's don't listen to me? What happens if they really hyper child at my table goes a bit mad? I'm so scared
Like at the moment I'm just finding it super hard to talk again..And I've found myself just pushing people away, like just telling everyone to leave me alone. Trying to push them away to protect them from me, I don't deserve people to talk to I just make them feel bad which I don't mean to do, so it's just like easer if I don't talk to people.. I do try not to be like that when I'm with the kids I try to like keep that all in my head when I with them, mainly cause it's not fair on them they don't deserve me to be like that, but it is hard cause it's like I'm forcing myself to talk, and my brain is like no Suzanne don't talk, you arnt allowed to talk. Not to sure how that works.. Mehh sorry
Work has been well.. Eventful.. I give away over 5 grand in the space of 7 mins... Only an owl could do that
Then Sunday night I give away 2 grand XD I'm a disaster However, one of the staff members quit... Which means we are so understaffed and the customers give off cause we arnt getting to them fast enough, which is hard enough, like last night there was over 400 people in and we now only have 2 members of staff.. Which means we are rushed off our feet trying to sort everything out... It's while stressful.Even though all that was going on at work, I was talking to Paul on Saturday and he just asked me the simple question 'Are you ok?' and I walked out in tears.. Just stood outside and cried.. He just came out and hugged me told me it was gonna be ok and everything would work out somehow.
Collage work... Mmm well, it's not finished yet, still got a lesson plan to write up last one of 35 thankfully! Then got a booklet on babies from 0-5 years and how they develop and what their needs and stuff is, then corrections for attachment and stuff, but I'm finished first year next Wednesday, which is like super scary find out tomorrow when I'm getting observed if I'm allowed back into second year.
Even as I type this now I'm trying my hardest not to cry.. I want to but I don't allow myself to cry, I make no scene at times I know, but I've got everyone else to think of and I have to be strong for them, even though it's hard but that's just life I guess.
I'm just like really unsure about everything, just like questioning everything. Trying to think why do people bother with me? I don't deserve anyone, I only hurt people I talk to, everyone would be better off without me.
And a sorry from an owl. This really goes to everyone this sorry, I'm sorry for how I've been over the past wee while, I deserve everything I get. But yea, to anyone I've been snappy with, or been annoying to or whatever else, Just know I'm sorry.
That's all,
The annoying owl,
Suzy.
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