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20-somethings
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So i think ive figured out whats wrong in my life and from what Ive read its a common thing for 20-somethings.
When I moved into my own place I suddenly realised something.... I dont actually have any close friends. Well i do but theyre all scattered across the country now. Old uni friends who have gone home or school friends that have moved away and started their own lives. I now have my parents and my sister but lets face it, i cant rely on her for company forever as she'll eventually move away as well and start her own life with her boyfriend. I also have people that i hang out with at gigs and festivals but thats it. In my old job, i worked with about 11-12 people who were all aged between 16 and 25, and even though we didnt go out much, I had that social interaction all day every day at work so I was grateful to have alone time on my days off. Now i work in a busy office with people i dont know doing work i generally dont care for, spend all day bored and go home to do nothing.
Ive read that this is common for 20-somethings to go through. They move to a new city in a new job, or their friends move away, and suddenly, making and keeping friends isnt as easy as school/college/uni. Even though ive moved home now, i still do want to have my own place, but i know i will be even more lonely than i am now. At least here i have my parents and sister to make noise and have dinner with and I dont have any friends/boyfriend to move in with so ill have to do it alone.
I have looked at some social groups or things on meetup to go to but im nervous about going alone and even if i do, i dont know if ill be able to make arrangements to socialise outside of the group. Im working on trying to accept this is how things will be and working up the courage to go new things
When I moved into my own place I suddenly realised something.... I dont actually have any close friends. Well i do but theyre all scattered across the country now. Old uni friends who have gone home or school friends that have moved away and started their own lives. I now have my parents and my sister but lets face it, i cant rely on her for company forever as she'll eventually move away as well and start her own life with her boyfriend. I also have people that i hang out with at gigs and festivals but thats it. In my old job, i worked with about 11-12 people who were all aged between 16 and 25, and even though we didnt go out much, I had that social interaction all day every day at work so I was grateful to have alone time on my days off. Now i work in a busy office with people i dont know doing work i generally dont care for, spend all day bored and go home to do nothing.
Ive read that this is common for 20-somethings to go through. They move to a new city in a new job, or their friends move away, and suddenly, making and keeping friends isnt as easy as school/college/uni. Even though ive moved home now, i still do want to have my own place, but i know i will be even more lonely than i am now. At least here i have my parents and sister to make noise and have dinner with and I dont have any friends/boyfriend to move in with so ill have to do it alone.
I have looked at some social groups or things on meetup to go to but im nervous about going alone and even if i do, i dont know if ill be able to make arrangements to socialise outside of the group. Im working on trying to accept this is how things will be and working up the courage to go new things
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Comments
Well it's probably your best chance, so give it your best shot. It's refreshing to read that somebody takes matter into their own hands and not whine about no friends and hope they come and knock on your door. It does sound familiar, while I do have friends in the vicinity they are usually busy with job/girlfriend. Just keep in mind that people in those social groups are there for the same reasons as you and are certainly grateful if someone approaches them to hang out.
Up until this point you (and most others) have pretty much had potential friends, social life, and entertainment handed to them on a plate. As a very small child you were taken to playschool, toddler groups, and played with kids your mum knew through ante natal. At primary school you had playtime and were probably friends with half the people in your class, you may have gone to a friends to play after school but that was probably at least partly driven by who's parents your parents knew. You may also have done some afterschool activities, which bundled roughly similar people into a group and created friends through that process. You move to secondary school - and everyone is new. There are still clubs and societies, but this time you get slightly more choice over which ones you do. You're starting to chose your own friends more, but the 'pool' to chose from is still being handed to you. Move onto you, and Freshers week is there. The whole aim of it is for people to make new friends. Clubs and societies, similar to school and this time also probably halls/student accommodation - a ready made set of friends and enemies all good to go.
Then you get unceremoniously dumped into the grown up world, where nothing is really laid on for you at all. Some people get lucky, and get it laid on through work. If you join a graduate training scheme, or a job with lots of other similar people and has some social aspect to it (even if as part of the work) then you've got a starting point and it's actually not that different to school/college. If you get a job that doesn't (lets face it, like most jobs are) then you've got to do it yourself. The tactics are pretty much the same as the ones you've had the whole way through life, this time it's just the next leap - and there's no freshers week.
So, what do you like doing? What have you always wanted to try? Who do you think you might get on with at work? Just like at college, you had to talk to people and make new friends, the same is true of adult life. And it's not easy. But lots of people are in the same boat - and it's worth keeping that in mind. The people at your new work, are likely to be in a similar position. The people you see at the gym, etc.
This happened to me a lot with others last year - I'd make an effort to be friends with them, etc and I was constantly messed about and treated like rubbish.
I met a lot of my current friends through other friends and a music group I attend.
Im sorry to read that you are feeling a bit lonely. Unfortunately, and as you mentioned, it is a very common thing for people in their 20’s to find a themselves without a close social group around then.
When you are at college and University you have your support network around you, friends on your course, and in your shared house/halls. Sadly after this, people tend to break away and pursue their own life paths which can take them to different cities and countries even. It can feel a bit like you have been abandoned and Im very sorry to hear you feel like this.
But as Scary Monster says: lots of people are in the same boat - and it's worth keeping that in mind. The people at your new work, are likely to be in a similar position.
Im sorry you aren’t finding your job stimulating, have you been working in the office long? It’s not clear from your message if you have had much chance to interaction with your colleagues. Perhaps you could suggest something social for you and your co-workers to do, for example, going out for lunch on a Friday – or a picnic (if the weather ever cheers up!) This could be a great way to get to know some of them, and you might find you can connect with one or two really well. :yes:
Lots of people will feel the same way you do. After a certain point, it can be difficult to meet like minded people, as people tend to settle into a routine of work and home-life. It’s great that you have your hobbies and going to gigs and festivals are great places to meet people into the same things you are.
I must say, it’s wonderful that you are looking into getting involved with social activities like Meetup – I know exactly what you mean about how these things can be daunting and make you feel really nervous, especially when you go alone. Could you ask one of your friends to come along with you? That might make it easier, and you will feel more confident with someone you know there to support you.
Moving out of home is a big step but one that I can see you are thinking about, you don’t always have to move into a place on your own. If you do decide to move to a new place, perhaps you could consider a house share with a few other people, this makes it cheaper too. This is can be nerve-wracking, sharing with people you don’t know, but it’s a great way to meet new people quickly– and get introductions to their friendship groups too. It also means you don’t come home to an empty house, which from your message, you say you like to come home and have dinner with your family.
I hope I have got this right, and best of luck with everything. Let us know how you get on! :wave: