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advice my autistic boyfriend not interacting with me :-(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hello was wondering if i could pls get some advice from you ?
iv been with my bf for about 4 month now and iv known him yrs b4 that tho but only recent him as my bf (4 mth like i said )
neway hes a lovely guy but he has aspergers and bipolar and he self harms
this wasnt a problem 4 me but sumtime makes r relationship hard :(
he wud tell me 2 get off him wen i went 2 hug him as he sed it hurt him and sumtimes evrythin seemd 2 b on his terms only
sumtimes if i was upset if i told him sumthin and wed end up arguin coz he cud sumtimes cum across as cold and i told him he was an emotiuonless robot 4 just standin ther when i cried
i did very much regret this and apologzed 2 him :( this was b4 i read up on his aspergers
iv had a few mental health probs in past but ok at mo
we had big argument 3 wks ago and he ended up in the mental health hospital n wen he got disharged he was sleepin rough then at a friends sofa n sum utha places but i bumped in2 him
and he came bk 2 my flat n we agreed 2 giv it anutha try n he wud text me but then i herd nuthin from him
i rang his friend house where he was stopin n he refused 2 tlk 2 me i kept tryin n he wud stil ignor me
i then saw him at the shop 3 days l8r n he totaly ignord me sayin he cud not deal with life rite now
then 4 day l8r i saw him agen in the town centa n he let me wlk round with him but sed his friend kicked him out so now he was in the mental healkh hospitl agen
he let me hug him n hold his hand n he told me hed not deletd r pics we took n he stil showin on face bok as in reltionship with me he nt chnged that but then egen he not loged on as far as i kno
but we kno each utha passwrd 4 email addires n sumtime he been loggin on his email coz it tel me his activity n he not changd his password on ther at all n he stil have a pic of us both as profile pic on email page 4 profile page
his mutha dont like me as no1 gud enuf 4 her son n he been goin her house sumtime becoz at mo he think if he duz as his told then his mental social worka wil help him find a flat and if he not do as she say when she tel him go up ther 4 aftanoon that she wil make sure he dont get a flat
now he aint stupid he is highly inteligent and not gulible but its like he get an infomation oveaload n then he shuts down
he told me ages ago himself that he find it hard 2 face ppl sumtime n he stay away
n now the mental hospital r monitorin his medications so hes very tired al time n very paranoid so he go along with wot othas say lk his mum as he 2 tird n 2 weary 2 argu not bcoz hes stupid
but now afta he told me we still 2getha he now not takin my phonecalls at the hospital wher hes stopin
im really confused
iv sent him a leta there askin him 2 meet me n he wont or tlk 2 me
wot do i do ?
i luv him n wud wait as long as took or am i wastin time?
i feel sure knowin wot hes like that he wudnt of let me hug or touch him utha day if he did not want me 2
he wud of sed 2 get off or just plain no
i miss him so wot wud u all advise as best thing 2 do?
do u think he stil wants 2 b with me?
he sed also he cant deal wel with life at the mo
im sory about the spellin not very good dyslkexic
i apologis
thanks 4 ne help every1
from kat x x x :-)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you asked him directly whether he wants to be with you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi hopeandjoy1987, welcome to the boards *hug*

    It's no wonder you feel confused about this! He has been giving mixed signals and it seems like he's also confused about what he wants. It's quite common for someone dealing with mental health issues to push people they care about away - and at the same time it's completely common for you to feel worried about him.

    I wanted to highlight a few points you mentioned, that shows why perhaps things have been so confusing;
    hes a lovely guy but he has aspergers and bipolar and he self harms this wasnt a problem 4 me but sumtime makes r relationship hard :(

    its like he get an infomation oveaload n then he shuts down

    he told me ages ago himself that he find it hard 2 face ppl sumtime n he stay away

    he sed also he cant deal wel with life at the mo

    Looking at these, it does seems like it could be hard for him to deal with being in a relationship at the moment and he might be too confused to make a clear decision.
    It was a good idea to write him a letter, so well done. Even if he isn't willing to meet or talk, it's important that he knows how you feel and why this is upsetting you.

    Dating or supporting someone with a mental health disorder can be really hard. Perhaps talking to a close friend or family member about this situation could help?

    You could also call the SANE helpline, which deals with anyone affected by mental health, even friends or relatives.
    Also have a look at our website Madly in love that gives support and shared experiences around love and mental health.

    Do let us know how things go and feel free to keep posting *hug*
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