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Adjusting after a suicide attempt

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone i recently attempted to commit suicide. Thankfully i came to my senses and went straight to A&E. I realized what was most important in life and what a stupid thing it was to do. While in hospital i planned out everything i needed to do to try and sort the issues what caused me to do it. I was very worried about the embarrassment and also how it had affected love ones. This i knew would take a lot of time. As i woke the first morning back at home ready to start solving things i felt very lost and knew my mind was all over the place. My first thought was am i ready to be at home yet or should i have stayed in hospital a bit longer. I sought medical advice and went to see a psychiatrist who advised rest and said i was fine. He said most of what i was thinking was normal after a suicide attempt. I have made a start of getting things sorted but at a slow pace. Has anyone gone through anything like this and if so how long did it take for you to feel like your old self again? I know i keep getting told to rest but i need to sort things out so they are not going over and over in my mind. Thanks

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi smile2014

    Good to see you on here and posting. The last few days and the lead up to that must have been stressful and frightening for you.

    Glad to hear that you sought help when you reached your lowest point. Sometimes that can be the most difficult time to ask.

    Take some comfort that you have made plans to sort some of the issues that you have struggled with. Your looking towards your future with plans and thats encouraging.

    When you were discharged from hospital did they discuss any after care or ongoing support? Sometimes these services can also help you focus clearly on your future plans and recovery.

    Keep checking in here too and let us know how things are going for you.

    Phil :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi and thanks for your reply. It's all strange at the moment back at home. It was the difference of being away from it all in hospital to being back at home that hit me the most. I felt so full of life on my final day in hospital.

    Once i had my final results back and they showed i was fine i wanted to get home asap. The hospital advised i stay in to see a psychiatrist but that could be anytime the following day at the earliest. I said i'd book to see one through my doctors the following morning which i did. At least that way it free'd a bed up for someone that really needed it. My doctor put me down as urgent and i was admitted to psychiatric care at the mental hospital. I was accessed and he said i was fine.

    He discharged me and just warned me the whole process is a roller coaster. He said to keep speaking to the ones close to me who know what happened. I have tried but think they find it to upsetting to hear so i don't want to push it. My doctor would not give me anything to help stress or depression.

    Tomorrow is going to be a hard day having to give answers regarding the issues in life which caused so much depression. The one thing i keep thinking is i can't hit any closer to rock bottom than when i was in A&E. I just need to get that fight back in me to get my thoughts and plans started. Suicidal thoughts are long gone but wish i could escape for a bit.
  • AndyAndy Posts: 185 Two little ducks
    Hi smile,

    I just edited your post so it was a bit easier to read. Hope that's ok.

    I've gotta say, I'm really impressed with your attitude and your approach to things right now. It does sound really tough and like the doctor said i can imagine it feeling like a bit of a rollercoaster right now. But you're really recognising that and sometimes that's a really hard thing to do.

    You're doing all the right things after quite a traumatic time and keeping positive which is great to see. It's also quite natural to feel like you want to escape for a bit, especially after what you've been through. If you don't feel like speaking to friends or family all the time, you can always come here to have a rant or get things off your chest - we'll be here. :)

    You mentioned your appointment and that it was going to be hard, how did it go in the end?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi and thanks yes that's fine. Writing is not my greatest of skills.

    Thanks again it has been hard and still is but in a completely different way. My emotions are calming down and have mainly been taking over by worry. I am slowly getting everything resolved and am surprised about the amount of help available. Only draw back is wish things would move quicker.

    Thankfully only the two people closest to me know what happened and hoping it will stay that way. If not i'll have to face up to things and the embarrassment and further hurt it will cause. It's shocking me that the same two people still do not realize what it took for me to do what i did. They don't want to speak about it either which does get to me but i have to accept what they want.

    I have a further appointment next week and hoping to get a date to start work again. I am enjoying time with family at home and do need time to sort things out but need to get back to normal life.

    I am enjoying reading through the forum. I do hope at some point i can advise someone against taking the same line i did and hope they'll listen.
  • AndyAndy Posts: 185 Two little ducks
    Hey smile

    It's natural to want things to move quicker than you might feel they are, but you're doing a really good job at knowing that's happening.

    You mention you're worried about embarrasment if more people found out. Would it maybe help to prepare and think a little about what you would say to someone else that did find out? That might help lay it out in your mind.

    If you don't feel like posting here or chatting with friends and family, there's always The Samaritans or Papyrus. They've got phonelines you can ring or text services that you might want to use instead.

    I'm glad you're enjoying the forum, we're enjoying having you around. :) Pop in and let us know how your appointment goes next week and when you're starting back at work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi and thanks again.

    I was feeling a lot of improvement until dinner today. My wife asked if i wanted to go out with her and the kids. I had a few jobs to do and thought i'd make the most of having some peace. Not long after they arrived home my mood suddenly dropped for no reason. I ended up going out for a walk in the rain just to try and find myself again. The thoughts come back of wishing i had not woke up. By the time i got home again i was soaking wet so went for a bath. Not long after my wife came up and asked what was wrong. I told her how fed up and miserable i was feeling. This ended up in an argument and know for certain she does not have a clue or understand any of what happened.

    I feel fine again now apart from with my wife. In this frame of mind then i can handle the embarrassment or anything else that comes. Whilst in hospital i partly prepared myself for the worst and even wondered if i'd have to fully restart my life elsewhere.
  • AndyAndy Posts: 185 Two little ducks
    Hey smile,

    I just want to reassure you that its quite natural to feel quite up and down after what's happened and again you're doing a really good job of recognising that.

    It sounds like its been quite difficult to speak to your wife about how you've been feeling and that's how it's ended up in an argument. Would you feel comfortable in opening up to your wife about what happened?

    We've got some articles on TheSite that you might find useful - they're both expert chats about Mental Health and Relationships here and here.

    I hope those help and keep us updated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks again i'll have a read through the articles.

    Things have eased up again and feeling much better. Looking forward to a few days away this weekend which will help not only for me but for my wife as well.

    I am looking forward to hearing my psychiatrists opinion and advice on recent emotions and how my wife has taken things.
  • AndyAndy Posts: 185 Two little ducks
    No probs.

    That sounds nice that you're heading away this weekend, are you going somewhere nice? It's always good to have a break now and then.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Know this is an old thread but thought i'd add a update. It's quite shocking reading my comments and realize how my mind was far from as recovered as i thought it was.

    I'd like to that the ones who took the time to reply.

    I hope any who felt like i did and read this take something positive from it. I felt worthless and a disgrace an thought of suicide many times. I still feared death though which stopped me a lot of times. I found my faith in god again even during my darkest times. At that point i lost all fear of death and knew the afterlife would be a far better place for me. My life was a lie making out to everyone i was fine yet spent most days sat on my own trying to work out how i could sort everything out. It seemed an impossibility and i thought i had no one to speak to. Every weekend i'd wonder if i'd make the next one. I had set a day so many times and a place. I thought of many things to how i could end my life without embarassment to my family.

    I reached a time when i accepted my time was finished and left the house to supposedly go to work before taking an overdose. I was sat there waiting and waiting to hopefully fall asleep. Thankfully i found something in me to go straight to A and E. I thought looking back i had partly recovered especially after reading my comments on here but was wrong. Once in hospital i realized everything and knew no matter what i lost i could recover my life. The first few hours in hospital could only be described as hell wondering how i could start to explain. To add to that i was then informed the does i'd taken would not lead to a quick death but a very long and painful one.

    I am now fully recovered but to any thinking like i did get help straight away. I didn't realize how much help was available and could have saved a lot of sadness i caused others. I have had to accept the good with the bad in my recovery but the good has outweighed the bad. I have been disowned by some family but have my close family around me and all very happy. My partner still does not want to speak about a lot of what happened and originally i found that hard. Other family i am still having to work hard to build trust with again.

    I am now though more focused and stronger than i ever have been. Never a truer words spoken than you've to hit rock bottom before coming back up. I find shocking how quickly my Doctor and the mental health hospital cast me aside. My partner constantly said i still wasn't right and looking back i realize how right she was.
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