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What happens when you lose your virginity? (Emotions)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm 19 and I've never even been kissed, let alone anything else. It's not because I don't look good or whatever. It's just that I've been afraid of any relationship-y type stuff, so whenever anyone's come up to me, I've turned them down.

However, I think it's time that I "got in the game". It seems like it would really cement the fact that I'm now supposed to be an adult.

So tell me, what does it feel like to lose your virginity? Does it actually toy with your emotions or did my fosterparents make that up so that I'd stay clean? And should the first time be a hook-up or with someone you actually care about?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your first time should most definitely be with someone you care about and someone who cares about you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say it needs to be with someone you care about, but definitely with someone you trust.

    But seriously, having sex won't make you more adult. If you have sex just because you think it'll make you somehow different to how you are now, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Don't do it for the sake of it.

    Also, your first time will probably be crushingly disappointing and uncomfortable and unamazing, whenever and whoever it's with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It didn't make me feel any different except for feeling like I'd got it out the way. Made me feel more confident maybe

    Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's like driving a car for the first time or having cotton candy for the first time. It's new, but afterwards it's just "ah, ok so that was that." It's no milestone or great transcending experience. It just is.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Kody,
    It seems like you are not really in a relationship and that you are worried that you need to be to feel adult. Losing your virginity is a once in a lifetime decision not a once in a life time experience. You probably will feel discomfort when you lose it. Hooking up with some random person may seem like a way of avoiding getting overly emotional, but that can be more problematic in the long run with STI's etc that you could talk about with someone you trust.

    Finding a relationship that makes you feel great will make you feel like an adult, it's much more than just sex.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Kody :)

    It can sometimes feel like we are meant to be doing stuff at certain ages, especially if lots of your mates are doing similar things. I think that for most people, they want to experience this with something they feel a lot for, or have known for a long time, and someone they feel that they can trust and be comfortable with.

    From what you say, it sounds like you haven?t met anyone you want to get into a relationship with, have I got that bit right? I wonder if there is anything specific you are worried about that makes you a bit wary of starting a relationship?

    I think it?s easy to feel pressured into ?getting into the game? because other people are, but I wouldn?t say losing your viriginity would make you adult. I think there?s lots of stuff that shows you are mature (being independent etc).

    I?d think about waiting to meet someone you really want to have a relationship with first and not rush into it. Sometimes people can have regrets about who/how they lost their virginity when they make a rushed decision Being with someone awesome will make you feel like an adult and very special.

    Hope I have understood correctly, and that helps you :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Kody

    Go and see a relationship counsellor or a nurse if you are really worried about it. Personally, I would never date someone that has slept with dozens of people. I like to date someone that has some self respect. You never know what you might catch! I know someone that caught an STD, and some STDs cannot be cured.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Kody!

    My advice would be to lose it with someone you at least trust and care about :) The first time can be uncomfortable and a bit disappointing at first (was for me) so losing your virginity to a woman you like, will have more understanding of you and that it would be your first time :)

    Also there is absolutely no rush in having sex, despite any peer pressure that goes on around you. And there is no rush for a relationship either :) Make sure you feel 100% comfortable when you meet someone :) You may have turned down women before, but one will come along when you won't, but just don't plan it :)

    Best of luck!

    Rosie xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please don't do it because you feel you should because of your age. Losing your virginity is a huge step that's best to make with someone you care about and trust, and someone that cares about you just as much. You don't need to 'get in the game', and you don't need to do this because you think everyone else is so you have to keep up.

    You've had your reasons for waiting and that's okay. It's okay to wait for as long as you like, until you're one hundred percent comfortable. There's no rush at all and you're certainly not the only one.
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