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Fat and depressed! Had enough...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I can't cope anymore

I've been doing so well but I'm just broken and fragile and no matter how many times people try to put me back together I just shatter

I'm fat and ugly and can't be bothered

I want to starve myself but then because I'm depressed I'm comfort eating then hating myself for it

Went to the doctors the other day to get a check up and she seen my self harm marks on my stomach and I'm worried what's going to happen

I just wanna end everything once and for all


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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    See it from that perspective: If you kill yourself, then every potential of ever having a happy life is over. If you really don't care then just start living like that. Tomorrow morning you get a subscription for a gym or you go running. You work out so long until your muscles can't do anything anymore except walking you home. Then you start reading. You have ALL the time now to learn interesting stuff, because the alternative would be being dead. Learn something interesting from history, natural sciences, nature. The next day you wake up and your muscles will ache like never before, but you don't give a shit, because it's the pain that lets you know you are alive. Work out again. After you are done, call a relative and have a chat about whatever or learn to paint your fingernails in a funky and cool fashion. Just DO things. LEARN things. Your life is a canvas. If you want the picture to be beautiful then learn and work on it. Sitting in front of it and stabbing it, because it makes you sad since there is nothing on it is stupid and counterproductive. It won't get prettier by doing that.

    Will this change be the hardest thing you will ever do? Yes probably, but you know that it can only get better if you change it now. So bring change to it. Self-harming and self-pity gets you nowhere out of this situation where you are in now. Rock your life you have pretty much unlimited potential to achieve whatever you want. You don't know what you want? Then start exploring until you find what you want.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know that I can't do what I want and end it all because it'll be selfish but I feel like I should be able to do what I want and people should accept it

    I can't take my mind of things because when I try I get more angry because I know I'm trying to distract myself

    I can't even look in the mirror without wanting to vomit no matter how much people tell me I'm beautiful just the way I am

    I can't cope anymore...


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you want things to be different you need to bring change into your life. Clearly the self-hate is not going away by itself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't though, I'd rather self harm and get drunk than try pretend I'm okay


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi unforgiven :wave:

    I am sorry for how you feel and see yourself *hug*

    Are you seeing the doctor again? Did the doctor say anything about the self harm marks when she saw them?

    Let us know how you are doing.

    purple_rain
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey

    Yeah I've to see her Wednesday and then she's going to question my new self harm marks :/

    She asked me what I'd done and because it was an unexpected check up I panicked and said nothing...it's nothing to worry about then went bright red :/

    I'm not doing very good atm, haven't been work for 2days and just hiding away under my duvet 😔

    Thanks for replying


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She may question you about the marks but I would just see how you get on with it, you can only tell things to the doctor that you feel comfortable with telling. I know it's scary but it may help you talking to her about it. Why does it worry you about the doctor knowing?

    I've had those days where you rather stay underneath the duvet and escape but maybe going out to the doctor's will do you some good, even if it is for a little bit of fresh air.

    Let us know how you get on with the doctor on Wednesday *hug*
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