Home Health & Wellbeing
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Paranoia and Suicidal Thoughts.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
On the night of new years eve (when we count down to the new year) i was out with family and friends enjoying my night as i usually would. I woke up the next day feel like i'd died... Then it hit me. Someone had spiked my drink. I spent the next two days in hospital as i couldn't stand up, couldn't eat, i was in a state of panic. That was 5 months ago...
You see, for the last five months i have dealt with paranoia. Every time i try to eat or drink i have this overwhelming fear of drugs, i can't shake the thought that someone may have put drugs in it. This goes for packaged food (bread, sausages, chocolate) and unopened drinks (bottles of pop from the shop, cups of tea and coffee) and it's ruining my life. My health is deteriorating (white cells and iron have decreased, lack of energy and i now am depressed) and I can't but wonder why i have reacted like this? I watched a family member of mine struggle with drugs, i saw a friend on ketamin and she didn't even know what country she was in she was so high so i have aweful nightmares of being high, i am crippled by the fear when food or drink is placed in front of me. I seem to only be able to eat when i'm at home and with a family member. It was my brothers birthday curry last night, 8 people ate and i was just sat there. No food, no water, nothing. I can't go and see my friends in other places in Britain because that will mean going days without food, i struggle at work because i'm so exhausted and hungry, i cry myself to sleep some nights because some stranger's decision has ruined my life. I currently sleep on my dads sofa (i've been here for 3 months) because i wasn't eating when i lived alone. Things aren't nice here, he has mental health problems that make me suffer but i'm too scared to be alone. I won't eat when i'm alone because i always think 'what if there's drugs in this' I see a psychiatrist but things aren't getting any better. If this carry's on I don't know what i'll do :/

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey IrishLily,

    I'm so sorry to hear about this, it sounds extremely difficult for you.

    I'm not really sure what to suggest. Have you spoken to your family and friends about exactly how you're feeling? Are they supportive? How long have you been seeing a psychiatrist?

    big hug *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't think anyone would know what to say, i guess i just wanted to voice it all. My family and friends are supportive but they get easily frustrated as they think i'n being silly (they're right in a way). I've been seeing my therapist for about 2 months but i am not making much improvement :/
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