I don't even know the point of this

Former Member

I don't even know where I'm going with this and I don't really care about mistakes so probably best you stop reading now because this is likely to make no sense and I'm not in the mind frame to care.

I don't know, I just want a break from literally everything. From, friends, family, internet, phone, texts, any form of communication. I just want to crawl up and simply stop existing for a while but then at the same time, I want to sit and cry about everything to someone, anyone. But then I don't want to bother people. I don't want to be a shit. I don't want to worry people, I don't know what I do.

Then there's the other part of me who wants to be there for everyone. Who wants to tell everyone this battle is worth it. I want to be the caring, loving me I know I can be. But I don't believe the words. I don't believe what I'm saying anymore. I'm simply typing them. I mean them for the person, but not for myself.

So how can I say them? I just feel lost and alone. I have so much to think about with no where to go with them.

I wish I could just remove my head and stop all the thoughts, the thinking, the everything for a while. I simply want a break. I break from this thinking.

I don't know how much more bad news I can take either. It's all I seem to be getting, and I don't think I can handle anymore. I'm at breaking point and I don't know how to explain that to anyone. I just don't know what to do.

Possibility of seeing camhs next week but they don't actually listen to what I'm saying, and I need them to. I need to understand how desperate I am for all of this to stop. I want to be done, but I don't want life to be completely done. I don't even know what I want.

This is so jumbled and won't even make sense but I needed to get it all out there.


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Former Member

Do you know what, I can relate to you so much. About 2 and a half year's ago, I had around about the same thoughts and feelings where by I felt sh!t about myself but I still wanted to help people although I knew I wasn't any good at it.

You say that you don't want to be around people? Maybe all you need is that one very special person (whether it be family member, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend etc) to give you a massive cuddle. Because, as stupid as it sounds, it worked with me. When I was in that frame of mind, I was resenting any sort of human contact. I would stay in my room all day all night. Until my very special person (my carer) came up to my room after months of me being like that, sat on my bed and said 'we're going to get through this' and gave me a massive cuddle. Everything changed from that point because I was no longer fighting the battle alone.

Do you see what I'm trying to say? Sorry I've rambled a lot but the only way I could explain it was by using examples!

Don't forget you can always come on chats as well

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Former Member

No I understand what you mean. Not a clue where to get that hug from though!

Yeah, make an appearance in chat every so often but never know what to say!

Thanks for the reply becki


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Former Member

Is there no one special in your life that you know the cuddle would be genuine? Because, personally, I think that's what your in need of

Are you coming on chat tonight?


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Former Member

I don't think so...

Not sure, I probably will


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Former Member

Hope you do will hopefully see you then

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Former Member

I am always always here for you darling you know that *hug* I don't care what time it is if you ever need me just text me Mkay?
You're not alone darling, love you


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Former Member

I'm always here for you too. Okay, I just didn't wanna wake you up last night, you needed to sleep...

Nope, and neither are you! Love you too Tues


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Former Member

Wake me up next time lovely, sleep isn't important I'd much rather know you were safe!
*hug*


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Former Member

Sleep is important. I was okay, so it's fine *hug*


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Former Member

You know where I am though Mkay darling? I'll be there whenever you need me x


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