I can't understand relationships

Former Member

I've dated the same person on and off all the way through secondary school and have feelings for him now yet I don't feel like I want a relationship, I never get it, I want to but I can't. I am young yes but everyone around me understands the concept perfectly, my life is ruined because of this reason. I rushed into doing something slightly sexual with someone older than me because I thought that way I'd get it. But now all that's left is the fear of it getting around school. What should I do?

Former Member

What is so important about a relationship that you absolutely compulsory have to be in one? I don't know how old you are, but I somehow don't think that the gossip of someone doing something slightly sexual is gonna make huge waves. You should learn how to be content with yourself and not looking from happiness in a relationship as diversion of your unhappy life. That way you will never be truly happy and often easily exploited. It's not uncommon for people who are afraid of being single stay way longer in abusive relationships.

Former Member

Hi Some_Kind_Of_Unicorn,

Welcome to the boards :wave:

It must be hard to feel you rushed into doing something sexual and are now worried about people finding out - but try not to worry too much as it's unlikely people will find out - and the important thing to remember is to try not to do something you feel uncomfortable doing again, unless you really want to.

Can you clarify what it is about relationships you feel unsure about?

It seems you did have some kind of relationship with this on off boyfriend so perhaps you know more about relationships than you think :yes: but perhaps you are just not ready to be in one? A relationship doesn't have to be sexual either, it can just be two people caring about each other.
Don't be too hard on yourself - relationships are hard, take time, need patience, compromise and commitment - so it's ok if you feel you don't want to be in one.

Is there anyone you can speak to about your worries?

Do let us know how you get on *hug*

Former Member

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so confused right now about all of this. It must be a hard situation to be in, feeling the odd one out, but I promise you that there will be more people out there who feel the same way as you. Many people don't feel ready for a relationship or settle down until they are much older, if ever, so you wouldn't be the only one who perhaps feels a relationship is not the right place for you right now. You sound like someone who knows their own mind and if you know that you feel like this, then you should never force yourself or feel something is missing. Often these things just happen naturally, so it may be that you will meet someone, at some point, and suddenly feel you 'get' it, because you just click and perhaps find something that has been missing so far for you. It is much better to wait and take things at a pace that feels right for you than to rush into things because that is how things 'should' be and go on to have regrets. It isn't good for the other person either if you are with them because you feel you should be with someone, as relationships should have equal strong feelings. If you don't have these right now, then that isn't a bad thing, it just means the time and maybe person isn't right, right now. You can have fulfilling relationships in many ways other than romantically and sometimes being single can be really good too as you have freedom and lots of fun and excitement ahead of you.

Try not to worry about anything relating to others. People shouldn't find out about any of your sexual experiences, but even if they do then they have no right to judge you if that was what you felt was right for you at the time. Is there anyone really close to you that you can talk to about it, as it may be nice to have someone to sound this off and realise that maybe it isn't perceived in the way you thought it would be at all by other people when they know about what happened?