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Being used again
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know quite why I'm writing this, I think for one to just write it all down and to hopefully be reminded I'm not alone.
I've always had bad relationships, even just being friend's with blokes always seems to end up nasty, up to a point that I was taken advantage for when I was younger, but I still blame myself for that as I was lonely, vulnerable, being bullied at school, not happy at home and never fitting in anywhere so I longed to feel wanted and special, but It all went wrong and now I'm haunted by it and will be for the rest of my life, it's like a massive bag of baggage I carry on my back, no one know's except one friend but I can't talk to him about it any more and I wouldn't want to. I just battle through and try to keep my head up.
But recently in my life even though I'm a tough cookie and can defiantly act like it, I'm very vulnerable underneath, I'm broken into little pieces and only stuck together by glue.
I know in my head I shouldn't let people in, trust people or let them get close to me as I know from enough experience when you do that you just get hurt, used and dumped back in the rubbish again but still I let myself be vulnerable, I let people in and I let myself get hurt and let down over and over again.
And that's happened again, I thought someone really cared about me but just seem's I was there 'bit on the side' when they were going through a rough patch with their girlfriend but now they are happy again so I've stopped being important in their life and like always I let myself be used again.
And I do know better, I really do I just always hope and pray that someone will come into my life and actually love me, actually care for me and want to be there for me just as much as I want to be there for them. I'm tough and act strong and I push through and battle every day just to do the most basic's of things, I want to make sure everyone is okay before myself and I always try and be positive but I'm just really struggling today.
I've always had bad relationships, even just being friend's with blokes always seems to end up nasty, up to a point that I was taken advantage for when I was younger, but I still blame myself for that as I was lonely, vulnerable, being bullied at school, not happy at home and never fitting in anywhere so I longed to feel wanted and special, but It all went wrong and now I'm haunted by it and will be for the rest of my life, it's like a massive bag of baggage I carry on my back, no one know's except one friend but I can't talk to him about it any more and I wouldn't want to. I just battle through and try to keep my head up.
But recently in my life even though I'm a tough cookie and can defiantly act like it, I'm very vulnerable underneath, I'm broken into little pieces and only stuck together by glue.
I know in my head I shouldn't let people in, trust people or let them get close to me as I know from enough experience when you do that you just get hurt, used and dumped back in the rubbish again but still I let myself be vulnerable, I let people in and I let myself get hurt and let down over and over again.
And that's happened again, I thought someone really cared about me but just seem's I was there 'bit on the side' when they were going through a rough patch with their girlfriend but now they are happy again so I've stopped being important in their life and like always I let myself be used again.
And I do know better, I really do I just always hope and pray that someone will come into my life and actually love me, actually care for me and want to be there for me just as much as I want to be there for them. I'm tough and act strong and I push through and battle every day just to do the most basic's of things, I want to make sure everyone is okay before myself and I always try and be positive but I'm just really struggling today.
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Also, in the face of the fact that you often have to weed through a couple sour apples until you find a nice partnership with someone else I cannot stress enough that you should try to look for happiness elsewhere. Hoping and praying that someone comes alone to sweep you off your feet is - statistically speaking - bound to make/keep you unhappy.
Hey StarWonder,
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Feeling used is horrid and can really knock our self esteem and make us feel rubbish about ourselves. Dealing with this on your own must be really hard. It's so easy to get trapped in our own thoughts and feel lonely, but well done on managing to write it down here
You said that you have a friend who you used to talk to about this - why do you feel you can't/don't want to talk to him any more?
From what you've said, it sounds like you also went through some difficult stuff in the past, which is still affecting you now. As others here will agree, if someone takes advantage of you like that, they are entirely to blame - not you.
It's great that you try to be positive, and making sure everyone else is okay is a lovely thing to do. Would you agree that it's important to look after ourselves too? If you can't talk to your friend about this, is there anyone else you trust?
Let us know how you're doing, and feel free to keep posting
It seems that you are feeling very alone and vulnerable at the minute.
The way that you write about your feelings demonstrates that you have
great insight into the way you feel. You say that you do know better, this
is a really useful skill to have. Remember how special you are and that you
are worth much more than being a person's 'bit on the side'.
You seem to have had a few negative experiences and it can be hard to then
trust that everybody is not like that, however no two people are the same and
there will be people out there that will value you for who you are-
and remember that stars cannot shine without darkness:)