Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

Should I end it?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Before it gets worse or more to the point before I get hurt again?

Basically met b/friend 4 months ago. Both fell madly in love like never before it was amazing in every aspect, we talked loads, laughed loads, made gorgeous love, spent loads of time together. then we went to Amsterdam 2 weeks ago and he seemed very cold and distant and not himself. I tried to talk but he didn't want to. Being a typical libra I got very very clingy and insecure therefore pressurising him on several occations until he finally caved in and said he was unsure of his feelings for me.

I cried loads felt so sick and wondered why he had made me feel so special telling me loved me constantly and that he wanted to have my children etc.. Only to suddenly change his mind as it became 'too much for him.

I said we should split but he didn't want to and we kind of sorted things out.

It was his birthday Thursday and I bought him some lovely gifts and my son made him a picture (Yes I have a son) we made love and all seemed well until he went home Friday and became moody and arrogant again and didn't see me all weekend (made excuses) I txt him twice yesterday with no reply so I sent a final one last night saying he is hurting me and I'm not going to call/txt him now for future plans and if he wants to see or talk to me its up to him...

This morning I got a morning. x txt but I didn't reply....

What should I do - serious advice only please x
«1

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    please end it....now....
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok I appreciate your advice but why say end it? do you have a particular theory in mind or just think i'm being totally naive here?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants and is as confused as you are. You need to let him know how this is affecting you & then back off to give him time to work things out.
    If after a few weeks, he's still acting like this, then yeah, go and find someone who's more worthy;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Finish it! It'll hurt like hell, but you'll be better off in the long run...you don't need the hassle, confusion, insecurity in your life, especially if you have a son to look after and love! It sounds like the honeymoon period is over and whilst we don't know the guy or what's going on his head, he doesn't seem to know what he wants either!

    *cliche time*
    time will heal
    plenty more fish in the sea (but who wants a fish)
    Mr Right will come along when you least expect it (I should know, it happened to me!)
    *cliche time over*
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kinkyred

    This exactly what i have in mind. I actually have felt so much stronger in the last few days as to leaving him and being single again but the truth is I do love him and if there was a chance we could be happy I would take it.

    I have been through enough shit over the years and I definately don't need this. Not to be big-headed but I'm a very goodlooking girl with a good personality and have a lot to give the 'right person' and therefore shouldn't be treated like this especially so soon too!

    I know at the end of the day he has issues and its not me which is a comfort.

    I'm just unsure of how to be when he calls (if he calls) and whether I should meet up with him or say no?...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, at least you know that you shouldn't be treated in this way. And if you feel stronger having not been with him for a couple of days then maybe you should also take a step back & try to re-evaluate what's going on.
    I think you should meet up with him, after you've cleared your head a little. & when you're with him, ask yourself if he is what you really want (& be honest!) & then ask yourself if it's worth the hassle.
    Good Luck!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's not worth the hassle just play hard to get, don't call or txt him and see how he reacts. If he does have feelings for you then he will make an effort, you've done your bit now it's his turn!

    Just think GIRL POWER and enjoy yourself without him :D;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with what you are saying but sometimes its harder, especially when you fall for someone the way I have. But have no fear i'm a strong girl, if i could leave a scary violent man after 4yrs with his child and never go back, I think i can get through this one. Just hurt, thought he was special.

    You live and learn...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Leave him alone, if he wants you he'll come back. Go to www.amazon.co.uk & buy a copy of 'The Rules' - it'll help you learn some self-respect & feel better. I promise.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx!!!!! I just ordered it only £3.17 inc P&P!! :D


    (hope it is the right one)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If that's anything like the version of it for "online dating" it's such a load of bollox....

    A few choice quotes:

    an e-mail is equivalent to a phone call (never initiated and only rarely returned)

    Instant Messaging is "like a free date, which we don't allow.

    waiting 24 hours to respond to e-mails and dumping men who don't ask for a date by the fourth e-mail.

    Apparantly their second book "marriage" came out just after one of the authours was getting divorced, so it didn't seem to help her that much.....

    I just don't like the way a lot of books portray us blokes as animals that need to be "handled"
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'd say you sound like you got your head well screwed on - sounds like he doesnt know what he wants - so simple answer "take it away from him" which you've done. So, you can either wait patiently for him to make up his mind, or you can set a deadline for him, then go off and concentrate on yourself and other things in you life. Thats all assuming you're willing to reach out to him enough to give him the space to decide. Personally i'd be slightly suspicious, he tells you he loves you loads, then becomes moody and distant. Happy to see you thursday night, but not at weekend - that to me spells trouble.

    The decision is yours, but i'd say stay away. People dont realise what they have until its gone.

    i had the exact same, cept i'm the boy, and now we are not together anymore.

    Respect yourself, dont let others treat you shit just because you care about them, its not an excuse.
    k
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Ketc - valuable advice there and you are so right..

    I'm ending it tonight.


    Anyone fancy a date? :p;):D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does this mean you will stop talking about it?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cant offer a date, unless you wanna come to london, BUT if you like Underworld, and wanna come to a live gig at brixton accademy on the 02 Nov, pm me, and i'll send you details,
    k
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheMistress
    Thanx!!!!! I just ordered it only £3.17 inc P&P!! :D


    (hope it is the right one)

    Best advice you will recieve all day.

    When you recieve the book - burn it. Then piss on the ashes.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds quite cool ;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Lilliput


    Best advice you will recieve all day.

    When you recieve the book - burn it. Then piss on the ashes.

    Ah my pet hate bibliotherapy

    and that is class advice ;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Susie


    and that is class advice ;)

    Not biased or some such, are you dear? :p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Susie


    Ah my pet hate bibliotherapy

    and that is class advice ;)

    Don't knock the Rules till you've tried it! But as your article says, "Now this is fine when really all you need is a little reassurance and to be put back on track", which is what she needs, so that's why I suggested it. It helped me in a similar situation.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think books like that perpetuate problems in understanding between men and women. I fully believe everyone, both men and women, should maintain a level of respect for themselves and others.

    With women being treated more equally these days, and men trying to get in touch with their feelings more, both sex's are learning to understand each other better, books like this simply highlight treating the opposite sex like the enemy.

    My most rewarding relationships have been those that were based on friendship and understanding, not competitiveness and manipulation.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree.

    I like to deal with things generally alone without the aid of books or councelling drugs etc.. But sometimes (ie yesterday) I get a bit lost and think I do need help - hence the reason coming on here, but that's down to my love of writing and expressing my feelings on paper. I take the advice on board and am extremeley greatful, but to be honest it helps me just by actually writing the problem down anyway to clear my head..
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    to right

    - expressing your emotions in any way, shout/sing/dance/write/scream all great ways of working through your feelings - funnily enough dreaming is your body's natural way of expressing your feelings - tho i've found that my dreams really hurt me especially when i feel like i cant take any more hurt.

    God was obviously feeling a little mischevious when he programmed that one in there :D

    ps - like your new pic
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why thank you Ktec ;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss,
    can i pm you or can you email me keith@globalbeach.com - i tried to pm you but it says you've chosen not to recieve pm's
    thanx
    k
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have sent you private message back..
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and i you :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would say dont end it straight away.
    Could you not telephone him, speak to him calmly and say right weve been together for several months now, Id like to try and sort this problem out ( which I think sounds like you want to )
    arrange to meet somewhere on neutral territory, preferably somewhere very quiet. and just tell him you need to know exactly what he wants from this relationship.

    Does he work and have work problems?
    Has he got debts??
    Anything significant that you can think of happened recently??


    It could be anything which has triggered this change in him and until you know wether he has got bored with you or it is an underlying problem elsewhere you may just be throwing a good relationship away.

    I hope you manage to sort it out.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you. There is some very valuable advice on here.

    *Latest update* (especially for kinkyred)


    He came round last night, brought me my favourite flowers, wine and dinner.. we chatted then argued and I let rip about everything and tried to finish him. I asked him what he wanted from me and he was still unsure but dosent want to lose me and told me he has never loved anyone like this before!! (confusion) We didn't have sex but he cuddled up to me all night and kept kissing me and stroking my hair..

    I played it really cool and didn't give into his affections easily and told him how much I had been hurt by his coldness so soon into the relationship and said It could go one way or another.

    I told him to walk out the door and leave if he didn't want to be with me and stop fucking with my head and he refused to go.


    This morning he was very affectionate and said that things would work out if we wanted them to.

    I said if it's meant to be it will be. I'm not holding out. the ball is in his court now and I plan to get on with my life..:)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like its sorted :D
Sign In or Register to comment.