low

Former Member

I'm not doing too good tonight and Samaritans aren't helping. I don't know what to do.

James

Hey butterfly,

Sorry to hear you had a tough night. Did you find anything that helped? How are you feeling this morning?

Former Member

Hey JPick,

No, I ended up harming on my stomach which I've never done before and about three in the morning I took too many codeine tablets so that I could go to sleep.

I'm not sure. I'm not as bad as yesterday but I'm drowsy as I still have codeine in my system, and I took more this morning for my back. I'm a little iffy and I keep feeling agitated on and off.

I feel so worthless.

Former Member

butterfly123 wrote: »

Hey JPick,

No, I ended up harming on my stomach which I've never done before and about three in the morning I took too many codeine tablets so that I could go to sleep.

I'm not sure. I'm not as bad as yesterday but I'm drowsy as I still have codeine in my system, and I took more this morning for my back. I'm a little iffy and I keep feeling agitated on and off.

I feel so worthless.

You're not worthless, honestly. I wouldn't ever lie to you. You have so much worth, words can't ever explain. I wish there was something I could say to pick you up and help you feel brighter.

I'm sorry you were so low the other day. Has anything in the past ever helped you to feel a bit better and stop you from harming? Codeine are so strong babe, please be careful. Defo seek medical attention if you need it. They may not have serious affects short term but long term, trust me, they're not good. Nothing is. You're special, take care of yourself. Could you contact a friend maybe? have you got any professional support in place? Sorry for the copious amounts of questions, I just care about you.

How are you feeling today? Sending big loves xxxxx

Former Member

I don't think I can do this :no:


And rach, I can't say much but I didn't want to not acknowledge your lovely reply. I'm sending big loves back xxxx

Former Member

butterfly123 wrote: »

I don't think I can do this :no:

You can. We both can. You are a beautiful, smart, caring girl. You've supported me through so much and I know I'm not the only one. Reminder what I've said to you before, you're going to make such a huge difference to people, more than you have already.

I believe in you and that won't ever change *hug*

Former Member

I can't text Samaritans because of my phone network.

For some reason loads of my pictures have fucked off from my phone. I had so many pictures of my nephew and they've all gone and I know I'm probably more upset about that than I should be but these were pictures that I can never get back. I tried to print them the other day but the machine at the shop broke so I couldn't and now I never can because I don't have them anymore.

It's a fucking sign, all of this is a sign.

Why bother.

Former Member

Hi butterfly,

I don't really know what to say but stay strong.

Here if you want to talk lovely


Hugs xxx


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Former Member

I give in. I'm struggling. I'm really struggling. I've harmed, I'm trying not to take too many codeine tablets again. I saw his name before, well the same name as him and ever since, everything is just constantly replaying in my head. What happened, where, the threats, telling someone, the time I ran away, the time I had to go to the hospital, how my nanna acted when she found out who, how my grandparents act now. It's all there and it's never ending. I want to sleep but I know I'm going to have a nightmare because I almost always do when I'm thinking about it so much. I could cry but I always end up hysterically sobbing loudly when I cry over this and I hate that so much. His name. Not even his, just the same name. That's it and I'm off again. I see a certain place, I'm off again. I hear a certain song, I'm off again. I can not go through life like this. I can't.

Former Member

I'm sorry to hear your struggling lovely. Have you had any therapy to help with what's happened in the past it sounds like it could be a useful tool for you even through it will be difficult going through therapy.

Have you any distraction techniques that help when you feel like this? Maybe some self soothing could help, favorite smell, teddy, favourite flower, something that brings you back to the present moment whether it be a book a certain touch sometimes when I'm out of reality I find spraying something that smells good can help bring me back to the present moment but it did take a while when I started to try self soothing.

Sending hugs your way sorry i can't really help much but here if you'd like to chat



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Former Member

I can't stop, I really can't stop. I don't want to stop either obviously because.. well I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to. I can't decide what's worse

James

Hey butterfly - it sounds like you've been having a tough time and have fallen into a bit of a downwards cycle.
How are you doing today? Did you have an okay weekend?

Former Member

Weekend was bad, today is just as bad

James

Sorry to hear that butterfly.
If it's something you can post about, do! We're here

Former Member

I am so sick of feeling physically horrible too. I have a head ache and I feel sick. The fact I haven't even had a drink today probably doesn't help but urgh. And these head aches are making me want to bash my head on something hard.

Former Member

I honestly can't remember the last time I felt this poorly. I feel so sick my face is so pale and I don't like it, I feel even uglier than usual. It's all just making me feel even more stressed.

James

Sorry to hear you're feeling rotten. Feeling poorly is horrible and can make everything else seem much worse too.

You mentioned in your post a couple of days ago that you hadn't had a drink that day. Is that because you felt too sick to drink? Or do you think felt sick because you hadn't had a drink?

When our bodies don't get enough food or drink, they tend to stop working properly and can make us feel low and ill. Do you think this is what might be happening?

There's an info-packed article about eating healthily in the 'Your Body' section - could be useful

Former Member

A lot of the time I just completely forget to have a drink and sometimes I just can't make myself. I think the codeine is mostly what's making me poorly.

I feel kind of numb now but I feel angry, tired, keep crying. I want to sleep but I can't even sleep properly.

Former Member

I'm completely panicking about what an idiot I was last night. I acted on a strong thought and now I have cuts on my arm and I'm absolutely terrified that someones going to get suspicious if I start wearing longer sleeves all the time again and they'll just figure it out. I'm a fucking idiot.

Former Member

My back hurts and I haven't got any solpadol until tomorrow, other tablets barely help at all so it's just constant pain and I'm struggling to deal with it. It's stressing me out probably way more than it should be and I feel like I'm just going to end up crying which I don't want. If I cry because of the pain then I won't stop because eveything else will just build up into it.

Former Member

butterfly123 wrote: »

My back hurts and I haven't got any solpadol until tomorrow, other tablets barely help at all so it's just constant pain and I'm struggling to deal with it. It's stressing me out probably way more than it should be and I feel like I'm just going to end up crying which I don't want. If I cry because of the pain then I won't stop because eveything else will just build up into it.

have you looked into alternative pain relief? I know a while ago you were having physio, but basic exercises can help to improve pain because it can prevent the spine from weakening etc etc. From my own experiences, stretching out the hamstring can also make a huge difference to back pain.

Hang in there *hug*

Former Member

Have woken up in so much pain again after about three hours of sleep. Already had to fight tears and I feel iffy so I'm dreading a repeat of last night because I wasn't well. Supposed to be going out today, I can't wait to see my gorgeous nephew but I don't know whether I'm physically strong enough to be walking around or picking baba up whenever he wants me to.

Ella, my physio suggested that but everything made my back worse and also made the back of my left leg swell which is why he discharged me.

Former Member

I'm not okay. I have exactly the same urges tonight, for the third night in a row.

Self harm is getting worse, it has never before been as bad as it is now. I hate it but I can't stop.

James

Sorry to hear things are getting so difficult butterfly. I think you already know everything I'd say, but I'll say it anyway

Is there anyone you can talk to about what's going on? I know you don't want to be a burden, but there are plenty of people and organisations out there that can (and want to) help, such as TESS:



Have you found anything that's helped you in the past with these urges? Some kind of distraction? Recover Your Life even have an idea to help manage self-harm urges called 'The Butterfly Project'! It literally sounds like it was made for you
They also have a massive list of distractions, which might be worth a look.

Of course we're always here too