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I don't know
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not okay at all. I don't want to be alive.
I can't cope with the psychosis, I don't feel safe and I have no idea what's happening. It's my mum's anniversary on Thursday then Mothering Sunday. I can't manage on normal days, let alone two highly emotional days in such close proximity.
I am vile and evil. I don't understand why my mum and Isla had to die, it should have been me. Not two innocent good people.
You win.
I can't cope with the psychosis, I don't feel safe and I have no idea what's happening. It's my mum's anniversary on Thursday then Mothering Sunday. I can't manage on normal days, let alone two highly emotional days in such close proximity.
I am vile and evil. I don't understand why my mum and Isla had to die, it should have been me. Not two innocent good people.
You win.
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Comments
I just want you to remember that you know where I am, pretty girl.
Massive love and hugs.
*hug* *hug*
Is there anyone you can talk to about this? It sounds like it's going to be a really tricky week for you, but you're more than strong enough to get through it. You are definitely not vile or evil. You're a wonderful, caring person. You gave Isla a brilliant life, that she was loved of every minute for.
Hugs.
I don't know what I'm meant to do, I don't want to be alive, end of.
Why won't your GP refer you to crisis team? Or are you unsure?
I'm home alone and not coping.
Sorry you're having a rough time ella! yes there are funding cuts but a referral could still be put into the crisis team and they can decide if you meet their criteria. Is there anyone else you could ask to make a referral for you?
Very bad thoughts and voices. I want to destroy myself in so many ways. In so many permanent, everything will be over ways.
How are you planning to spend the day? Is there anyone with you?
I'm home alone at the moment but I'm going back to uni later for a welfare appointment. Very bad thoughts including fire and bleach. I'm so scared of myself.
Is there anything that could help as a distraction from those thoughts until your welfare appointment? You mentioned a referral from A&E could be a possibility and it's understandable that you're worried about making it there and being let down. Is there anyone that could go with you if it comes to that?
Let us know how the welfare appointment goes in the mean time. We're all on your side ella *hug*
What happened at the appointment? *hug*
you CAN do this, because I know you, and you're stronger than you know. Give yourself some credit where it is due, as you are still here fighting despite all the crap that life throws at you. I know there are no words that can change anything, but, we are all with you all the way. There are so so so many people around here who care about you...FACT. I know the next few days are gonna be super tough - but remember, your mum and Isla are up there partying with my mum too. We can get through this, trust me? I know you're having a really scary time of it, and if I could, I would do anything to take all the horribleness away from you. I can't though. What I can do is continue telling you the truth and sending you post and smiles and hugs. I am sooooo proud of you (even though you won't accept it) but I still mean it. You are a beautiful, inspiring young lady and I love you millions. You've blessed my life in so so so many ways - thank you. Stay strong, you know where I am xxxxxxxx
She told me that I need to think about my body language and behaviour and whether it encouraged my ex to do what he did. Destroyed me and I have no fight left.
Rach, thank you for being amazing and part of my life
I tell ya what to do with that useless bag of crap - ignore it, rebuke it, say NO and a big up yours and prove her wrong. How stupid of anyone to say such trash! Did you tell her how unhelpful that comment was? I'm sorry it was rubbish.
You DO have fight though, please let me be an amazing part of your life for a bit longer - i'm a needy person you know
All I can think about is fire
Love you
Our uni dr's was also a main dr's surgery so those students who didn't go home (international students, people like me etc etc) - they had a dr to see still if they needed one. Can you ask what main surgery they are part of? Most of them usually are. If they don't have one, a walk in centre or A&E HAVE to see you. They can't turn you away.
Surround yourself with people who love you lady, you know i'll hop on a train any day/time to come be with you and you're always welcome here. If you want to be alone, that's understandable, but maybe dig out all your lovely cards and letters you receive? Drag your duvet onto the sofa or hide in your bed with some good old DVD's - distract yourself as much as possible. I know sometimes that's not enough, but you CAN do this - we all know you can
Today I'm hiding in my wardrobe. Had a bad night, feeling very ill as a result.
Tried to make a GP appointment at the main surgery but there's a three week wait. My friend has been in contact with a psych hospital about me being an in-patient. She doesn't understand that it's not as simple as ringing and just getting a bed. Plus I don't want to be IP.