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I need some help on talking to people.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was bullied at school, and although it didn't bother me for a long time, over the last few years, it has really eaten away at my ability to talk to people. I never really had any friends when I was at school, but quite a few years ago, I joined a fan club of a singer who I like very much, and have made loads of friends through it.

The only problem is I never know what to talk to them about, apart from the obvious. I have never confided this in them. I don't have much of a social life, and this doesn't help either, as I'm physically disabled. So I was wondering if anyone could give me tips on how to talk to my friends without feeling self-conscious.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Boards Champion
    Hi Laura,

    Well done for posting, being able to pinpoint an area of your life that you recognise could be improved is really positive.

    Firstly, well done on joining a fan club, it sounds like overall that has been a really worthwhile experience - particularly as you say you've made loads of friends.

    It's not uncommon to feel as if you're over something (in your case the bullying) and then for thoughts about it to creep back and affect you in the present. This can be really obstructive and play havoc with your self-esteem. I'm not sure if you've ever been able to talk through the bullying and put it in context, but being able to identify what's changed in your life since that time and the things you like about yourself right now could really help.

    It's probably not a bad thing that you haven't confided in your friends that you don't know what to say to them as this could create some awkwardness, so a more positive way forward would be to do as you're doing now and try to identify more ways to break the ice.

    Just to clarify - when you meet with these people, is it at events or are we talking online communication?

    We can work with either, but I guess there are some conversations that might be a little easier to start virtually than face-to-face.

    Generally speaking though, people love to talk about themselves and so initiating conversations about things like pets and siblings might be a good place to start? Or things like your favourite films - chances are, if you have a similar taste in music, there may be cross-over with other mediums like film or theatre... If you have any photos to share that can prompt others to share there's too.

    Anyhow, these are just some initial thoughts, so would be good to hear from your side. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Helen.

    Thanks for replying to my topic. A couple of these meetings have been at fan club events, but mostly it's been through online communication. I have noticed a film club topic on this chat facility and have been wondering about looking at it, but just haven't had the time. What are your own interests?
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