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Becoming a step mum

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Setting up a travel cot at yours definitely sounds like a good idea.

    Do you stay over at his on weekdays too, rather than just weekends?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    One thing that's going to be an issue is currently concerning me is the fact little one sleeps either in a cot at the end of his bed or in C's bed with him. Obviously we can't do things when he's there, but he's got him every weekend and either that means no nookie for us or....what? Any ideas on how to get around that one?

    Dr Roll has a one-bed flat so sodchild sleeps in with me, with Dr Roll on the sofa (it's a big sofa, don't feel too sorry for her!).

    If we have nookie, we do it on the sofa. Though I'll be honest we don't do it that often when sodchild is with us, she has an unfortunate habit of sleepwalking in the middle of the night.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My worry is how we sort it out considering he has little one every weekend - it would be so much easier if he came here because I know I can get a decent nights sleep on my sofa - his isn't great. But then I have the issue of my mum being around...urgh :/ I feel like I'm a teenager again trying to find somewhere to do it!
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    Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
    It might seem a bit drastic but could you not set up a little comfortable area in his lounge? After little ones gone to bed if you put some rollmats/blankets on the floor and put the pillows and duvet on top you could have a night in front of the tv and watch a film and then whatever happens happens?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Becoming a step mum

    I can't really do week days because I often have a whole load of medical and study related appointments plus he has an hour and a half commute and is often shattered so he gets in eats and sleeps - so we wouldn't really have much time to spend together!

    That would be perfect if it wasn't for his housemate (but give her a £15 and send her down the pub and that might get her out of our way for a bit!), but saying that it's looking more and more likely that he's going to move soon because his housemate is being a leech! I have been told by his housemate that she thinks his ex wouldn't like us sleeping in the same room together when little one is there, but if we are only sleeping what's the issue?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And who's going to tell her?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With the way things are going his housemate might, she's developed a real jealous streak towards me and C's relationship.
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    Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
    Fuck it do it anyway. Its no ones business and i think a child's father is more than capable of deciding what is appropriate or not. I'm pretty sure nothing could be done about it anyway you may just have to put up with some bitching an whining. I have little sympathy for prick exes
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Becoming a step mum

    I almost feel like bursting into tears. His housemate seems to be like a little spy his ex. She was pretty much badmouthing C to me and telling me he was a bad parent. I told him what she said and he was fuming (and talking of moving out - also because she is not even paying her share of the rent and bills), but it seems he has now made some peace with her. I have had an email from him saying that he doesn't feel happy about us sleeping in the same room together when little one is there, and would I be okay on the sofa. And considering his housemate has people over most weekend nights until very late I'm not sure how I'd get some sleep. He did say in the long run little one needs his own room but in the meantime I don't see how I can manage every weekend on the sofa - I will end up in so much pain!

    I feel like saying so much but I can't because it's really not my place to!
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    Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
    I'm confused as to why sleeping in the same bed is an issue. If you're only sleeping then I don't see how that's in any way inappropriate. have you asked him why he's made that choice?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's because that's what the ex has said...I haven't asked but I'm worried about rocking the boat. I really don't want to put my head above the parapet!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're right, every weekend on the sofa doesn't sound like much fun but equally it may turn out to be a more short term arrangement if he does end up moving out. There are quite a few what ifs at the moment it seems but it may be that things change as your relationship grows and nothing has to be set in stone right?

    This housemate could be a tricky one but what's positive is that you're both talking about things quite openly and that he's been able to make a bit of peace with her :yes:

    How about taking the pressure off yourself a bit and focusing on what you'll do together next time you meet? As it's still relatively early days focusing on the fun and getting to know each other better rather than the logistics might help you to feel a bit more relaxed?

    That's not to say your concerns aren't all absolutely valid, I guess what I'm saying is try not to let the practicalities over-shadow what seems to be a blossoming romance ;) what do you reckon?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Annaarrr!! wrote: »
    I'm confused as to why sleeping in the same bed is an issue.

    Even if it's just sleeping, it does give confusing signals to the child. I know it was a while before we slept in the same bed with sodchild in the house, just to try and avoid giving signals to the child that aren't quite there yet. (Sodchild wanted to know why Dr Roll was "sleeping in mama's bed, for instance, although the fact I kept the house makes my situation different). I don't think it is unreasonable that he's asked her to sleep on the sofa, although I do wonder why the housemate is stirring so much shit.

    Do you have to stay over? It may be that you spend the evening and get a cab home, especially if you're going to struggle with sleeping on a sofa. Failing that, it might be worth him buying an inflatable or a camp bed for you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm an hour in the car away from him so the sofa it has to be - I may just put the sofa cushions on the floor. His housemate is being weird, but I'm going to bide my time and hope that he's going to see how she's fleecing him. His ex has also been really upset thinking I'm going to try and replace her or take her son away from her...she seems to not listen to reason!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Weekend has gone fairly well - the plan was to sleep on the sofa but I was in so much pain I went up to C's bed once little one was fast asleep and got up before he did so he didn't see me in bed with C. I think he's seriously thinking of moving because his housemate is seriously sponging and he could save £200 a month by moving to a cheaper area in Brum. Little one is getting used to me quite well, but I'm still really nervous about doing stuff wrong. We're planning for C & little one to come stay at mine maybe the first week of May or something. Just having to juggle the needs of little one and new Riotdog (aka Chip) my assistance dog so things don't get too confusing for him as well.
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