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Feeling lost, scared and upset

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi me again,

I really don't know if this will even make any sence at all,or even if it's in the right area, but I'll give it ago.
As the title says lost, scared and upset.
Lost- sitting here writing this wondering if anyone out there even cares? I have never felt more lonely that I do right now, and no one seems to understand that. The fact that my older brother is home this Friday is keeping me going, I've missed him so much, miss my Nana (Granny) even more.. All I want to do is tell her about my brother she would be so proud of him, tell her about my little sister's settling well into school, I just want to here her voice just to tell me that everything will be ok. I guess that just makes me selfish for wanting that.


Scared- Scared at the way I'm gonna turn out. Not eating not talking to people, people I'm friends with I'm pushing away,I don't even know why, as soon as anyone even get's close to me I freak out and flip. Collage, will I pass first year? Will I make my Nana proud of me? Or will she look down and be disappointed? Will I prove everyone right? Show them that I'm no good at anything and that no one should have taken the risk of putting me through education?


Upset-As I type this now I'm sat with tears running down my face and shaking like mad. I've upset so many people the past few day's including people here, I don't see the point in anything anymore.

Anyway... Sorry for ranting/crying/moaning.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Suzy,

    You don't need to apologise at all :heart:

    It sounds like you've got a lot going on. How are you feeling today?

    I don't really have anything useful to say, I just wated to remind you that we care about you. You're a great and valued member of this community and we're here for you.

    It's lovely to hear that your brother will be home on Friday! Have you got much planned?

    Wanting your nanna back does not mean you're selfish at all! It's completely normal to feel like that sometimes, and I'm sure a lot of people would relate with that feeling. I know I do sometimes. You are kind, smart, funny, the list goes on, and I'm sure that your nanna will be proud of you just for being you :yes:

    Big hug, keep us posted *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Butterfly,

    Thanks for you answer, means a lot.

    Today, I aint really feeling any better, worse if possible.. I can't do this anymore... I can't..

    Don't think we have any plans only allowed to see him for 5 mins. Least I'm allowed to see him.

    I'm not kind,smart nor funny, I'm just a useless person that can't do anything right.

    I'm sorry
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hi Suzy,

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. From what you've said, it sounds like there are lots of things weighing on you, and together they seem really heavy and overwhelming.

    First of all, I completely agree with everything butterfly said!

    Something that comes across pretty strongly is that you're really missing your Nana. The death of someone we love is one of the hardest things we can go through, so it's totally understandable that you're still missing her so much. Wanting to hear her voice again does not make you selfish, it makes you human :)

    I know you've probably heard this a million times and that it's not much help right now, but it will get easier with time.

    There are a couple of other things that you mentioned in your first post.
    suzyg wrote: »
    Lost- sitting here writing this wondering if anyone out there even cares? I have never felt more lonely that I do right now, and no one seems to understand that. [...]
    not talking to people, people I'm friends with I'm pushing away,I don't even know why, as soon as anyone even get's close to me I freak out and flip.

    It seems to me that these two things are linked. Do you think you feel lonely because you keep pushing people away? Maybe it's worth having a think about how you can reconnect with your friends. You're going through a lot, so I can see why it might be hard to connect with them, especially if they don't know how you're feeling. I understand if it's hard to trust them, but if they knew, maybe it would be a little easier?
    suzyg wrote: »
    Scared- Scared at the way I'm gonna turn out. Collage, will I pass first year? Will I make my Nana proud of me? Or will she look down and be disappointed? Will I prove everyone right? Show them that I'm no good at anything and that no one should have taken the risk of putting me through education?

    You seem to feel under a lot of pressure to do well at college and that other people expect you to do badly. Have other people actually told you they expect you to fail? Could it just be that you think they do?
    As lots of others here can tell you, college is hard. The pressure can be intense and really hard to cope with alone. Are you finding the work difficult? Is there a teacher you could talk to about that?

    I hope things get a little easier, but I know it might take a while. Keep us posted on how you're doing - we do care :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    I've tried speaking to them again, they don't want nothing to do with me.. And after what they did I kindof don't want to.. Safest way to put it would be what happened to me before they did it again.. :( Sorry

    Was told all my life that I was gonna fail, headmaster in my old primary school refused to put in in for the 11+ told me I'd never make it to GCSE level, did my GCSE's and got 2 A*'s 4 A's and 5 B's. After my GCSE's I was told by me headmaster that I would fail them too. Droped out of 6th form cause of bulling but in my As level's I got 2 B's. Now at collage doing a National Diploma. My own mother tell's me every day without fail that I will not pass. It's hard not to believe it.

    The work it's self is hard enough, made harder by the fact that I don't speak English as my first Language so I don't understand a lot of the fancy meanings for words.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Suzy,

    I just wanted to say that the grades you have recieved throughout your education are absolutely amazing! You managed to proved your head-teachers wrong and I truly believe that it's possible you can prove your mum wrong too. You've come this far, and you're doing so well, try not to give up hope.

    It doesn't sound like your mum is being very supportive.. have you spoke to your mum about how this is probably making you feel? If not, do you feel able to?

    Also, as JPick suggested, is there a teacher you feel comfortable talking to about the work?

    Big hug *hug* Keep talking to us, we want to listen :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Brother came home last night, don't get me wrong it was amazing! Untill the family told me, they are now all gone out to the zoo and I was told to keep away. Next time I'll see him will be Sunday when he's at the airport, after that I won't see him till I go to Scotland in April. Once that's over with I can't see him again for 2 years. I can't bring myself to say goodbye again I can't :(

    There's no teacher's I can talk to cause when I try, I like stutter really badly then the words don't come out and I get really annoyed with myself cause I can't speak right.

    Mother's not supportive of me going to collage, it's due to the fact I left 6th form, she beleives I've thrown my life away, that no one will employ me. I've given up even trying to talk to her.

    Sorry :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you feel able to write down what you feel you would like to say to your teacher? So, you won't have to try and talk if you can't but your teacher would still be able to hear about what's troubling you.

    How are you feeling today?

    Keep us posted *hug*

    By the way, I love your avatar :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Worse than before...

    Monday was just horrible. Was in collage and felt a bit sick went to the loo's and the teacher came to check if I was alright cause I'd been gone for 10 mins apparently, was just washing me hands when I passed out... After that was taken up to the childcare office, to try and ca;m down cause I was all wound up and anxious. As they where just chatting they kept asking all these questions ended up having a panic attack. After that they started with the questions again, only this time I tried to do a runner... Somehow managed to get out the office door with them coming after me, got to the second set of doors and just fell to the floor and cried.. Felt horrible. All the staff are keeping like a super close eye on me I hate it :/

    Sorry :(
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