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When will it really be enough for me??
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I started doing drugs when I was 18. Hit a couple of new rock bottoms before a job moved me out of state and away from that altogether. I did fine for at least 2 years after that before getting into pills. After time, I moved again but back home to Southern California, where'd I' d left 4 years prior. I didn't know anyone on drugs back home, which was perfect. Fast foward to 2008, and that changed. I was introduced to my best friend, worst enemy, and some catastrophic new rock bottoms. It's name is ice (crystal meth). I fell hard and fast in a year and a half on it. My (then) girlfriend and I decided enough was enough and time to get clean. That lasted about 2 months, along with the rebuilding of a better lifestyle.
This back and forth on and off with ice goes to present day, at 30 years old. I do NA, sponsors, the steps, changing my phone number, the list goes on. Long after knowing not to beat myself up over a relapse but to focus on moving on, I sit here again tonight, contimplating the root, the common denominator of all of my relapses. I begin to understand more that it's truely the lack of ability to handle reality. Once I grasp the concept of doing so healthily, I think that my chances of remaining clean, and of survival at this point, will soar.
This back and forth on and off with ice goes to present day, at 30 years old. I do NA, sponsors, the steps, changing my phone number, the list goes on. Long after knowing not to beat myself up over a relapse but to focus on moving on, I sit here again tonight, contimplating the root, the common denominator of all of my relapses. I begin to understand more that it's truely the lack of ability to handle reality. Once I grasp the concept of doing so healthily, I think that my chances of remaining clean, and of survival at this point, will soar.
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