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When will it really be enough for me??

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I started doing drugs when I was 18. Hit a couple of new rock bottoms before a job moved me out of state and away from that altogether. I did fine for at least 2 years after that before getting into pills. After time, I moved again but back home to Southern California, where'd I' d left 4 years prior. I didn't know anyone on drugs back home, which was perfect. Fast foward to 2008, and that changed. I was introduced to my best friend, worst enemy, and some catastrophic new rock bottoms. It's name is ice (crystal meth). I fell hard and fast in a year and a half on it. My (then) girlfriend and I decided enough was enough and time to get clean. That lasted about 2 months, along with the rebuilding of a better lifestyle.
This back and forth on and off with ice goes to present day, at 30 years old. I do NA, sponsors, the steps, changing my phone number, the list goes on. Long after knowing not to beat myself up over a relapse but to focus on moving on, I sit here again tonight, contimplating the root, the common denominator of all of my relapses. I begin to understand more that it's truely the lack of ability to handle reality. Once I grasp the concept of doing so healthily, I think that my chances of remaining clean, and of survival at this point, will soar.
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