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What do i do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im new on here.Im having a difficult time,coming through depression and bpd.
I am ruining my relationship,it is hanging by a thread,if that even lasts.
I keep questioning my partner over everything to do with our relationship.
I always have to have a big indepth conversation about us,mainly looking for reassurance,and if they love me enough,it goes on and on.I cant talk about anything else. My partner knows my problems and has tried to support me,but ive beat our relationship to death.Why cant i just talk and be me,not this person who is consumed with needing all the time.i understand why my partner is at the point of finishing,as its not a healthy relationship,i am constantly wanting and needing them 24/7.
People have talked about distraction,but i cant concentrate on anything so it is able to distract me.Our relationship and the questions are in my head ALL the time.
Can anyone tell me how to refrain from going there in our conversations? How do i just have a normal conversation,it's so hard.
I am on medication and seeing a therapist.But day to day this goes on.
I love my partner and dont want to lose them,though it might be already too late.
Somebody please help. Thank you.


  • Options
    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey enuff,
    Welcome! It's brave of you to post and I'm glad you did.

    It's understandable you're feeling at a loss in your relationship - the needy feelings you describe sound all consuming and you've told us you're having difficulty responding normally in conversation. It's positive to hear your partner is trying to support you - and I would expect they would feel proud of you reaching out for further support like this.

    You say you're seeing a therapist - do you feel able to talk about your relationships during the sessions? Are they one of the people who has suggested distraction? It would be good to hear a little bit more about what you get from the therapy.

    There are a few members here that will be able to relate to your situation personally and may have some personal experience to share - I'll give them a nudge and see if they are able to come and reply :)

    In addition, there may be some activities relating to building your self-esteem that you could try. Do you find it difficult to accept why your partner would love you? If this is part of the problem then being able to recognise your positive traits and feel confident about them may make a difference. In terms of distraction - I think it needs to be the right kind of thing to break the cycle of anxiety it sounds like you feel when your partner isn't around - do you value time spent with friends, for example?

    In terms of your partner and conversations, maybe you could try starting a conversation about something that's not about you as a couple, but is about a topic you're both interested in? Or maybe you could look to plan something special together that you can look forward to?

    Really hope you feel able to share a bit more with us here.

    Take care.
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