Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Feel disappointed or am I just being silly?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all,
I hope everyone is feeling good. This is my first time here and am looking for some advice or guidance. I am a 31 year old male and having an issue with my relationship, and hoping you and others could provide me with some advice or guidance.

So 7 months ago I met a wonderful lady, and we hit it off right away. Am a guy who likes to get to know some one to begin with rather then jumping straight in. We began by going on dates talking all the time and just enjoying being within one another company. I introduced her to my friends include her in friends and family events. After 3 months had passed things with work became really intense and I was working away a lot, I didn't think it was fair in her so had a cooling off. It didn't last very long and at all as I missed her so much. So we picked up were we left off and I felt like the luckiest guy alive, things have been going great and we spent a wonderful valentines weekend together.
All good, well today I received a Facebook message from a guy I don't know. He explained him and my partner had been in a relationship for 4 months (the middle of our relationship) he never went into a lot of detail but told me they had been sleeping together, and she had told him she loved him. He also told that 4 weeks ago she ended it. He and it was due to her cheating on him with another guy and also telling him that she was in a relationship with me.
There was no anger tone to his mail he was very to the point, and just told me to be careful of my feelings.
I have spoken to her about this and she has not denied it just said she will explain but face-to-face once she has finished work.

My heart is telling me to forgive but my head is saying end it move on your a man not a teenage and don't need to be disrespected like this.

Any advice would be great I have been cheated on before and it didn't stop but I understand every person is different and an individual.

Thanks in advance
Jon.

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Were you exclusive when you were going on dates? Was there reasonable deniability that you weren't? If the answers are No and Yes then there is nothing you can really be uppity about. Many people don't consider if offensive if you date multiple people side by side. If you are wary that she cheated on another man and don't condone that, well, that you have to decide for yourself then. Different people have different opinions about this.

    I personally am unforgiving and merciless about infidelity.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes I would say there was good reason that we was exclusive considering she had told me that she didn't want to be with anyone else. However she entered into a relationship with another man and continued to date me, saying she didn't want to be with anyone else.

    The guy who contacted me informed me she cheated on him with another person during their relationship who was not me. So he was aware she was going on dates with me.

    I have agreed to discuss the situation with her, and I am willing to here her side of the story. Once I have both view points I will be able to make a choice. In my opinion I believe that is fair as I understand some ex's can be jealous and act or saying things out of spite or to get back at someone.

    If what I here is not acceptable to my morals of relationships, I will forgive and end it. As harsh as that may sound I think there has to be a level of respect and if one member of the relationship is unfaithful it should be discussed as soon as not waiting until found out.

    Thanks for reading my issue, writing it out and having unbiased feedback has help my mind and emotions gain some control.

    Jon
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Jon.jones,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    Well done for sharing this on here, it can't have been easy to be faced with this message from some guy telling you all this about your partner :no:

    Your reaction to talk to her and hear her side is a very mature one, and is the best way to understand what all this means and what happened. And you said it wisely when you wrote;
    If what I here is not acceptable to my morals of relationships, I will forgive and end it. As harsh as that may sound I think there has to be a level of respect and if one member of the relationship is unfaithful it should be discussed as soon as not waiting until found out.

    Have you managed to speak to her yet? How did it go?

    Do let us know how you've been getting on *hug*
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi thanks for all the support.

    Yes we have discussed the situation and here is the outcome.

    She told me that yes she had been having a relationship with the guy who contacted me and they had been sleeping together. In addition he found out about me by looking through he phone text messages when she was asleep. She also let slip that she did not have a one night stand with my friend when we was on a break but when we was actually together.

    When I told her what I knew and was informed about, he reply was am not really clear about dates.

    This to me signalled a warning sign, ok I do not expect people to remember the exact date and time of everything in their life. But I think is reasonable for people to know what month they was in a relationship and if they had sex. I didn't push her for this detail on this.

    She informed me that she has made a silly stupid mistake and that she wants to change and it will not happen again.

    Now am not one for once a cheater always a cheater. So I have told her I will need a good think and let the information sink in. Am not willing to make a choice when am upset and filled with emotion it needs to be a level headed one.

    However, I think now I need to admit the relationship is over. Simply for the fact if your going to be honest you should be willing to admit dates and tell the whole truth. Because from what I heard it sound more like she was telling me about a past relationship not her cheating. However to be fair I can only comment I that from how I would act.

    To wrap it up, I think she is keeping part of the truth hidden maybe for my feelings maybe not. I also think that if no one had found out she wouldn't have said anything until it drove her crazy. And on top of that because am a decent guy, I think she has just seen me as good old reliable a fall back plan.

    So yeah good to type it out it gets all clear. And like we all deserve I want a honest, trusting, happy relationship which unfortunately is not going to be with this lady.

    Thanks jon
Sign In or Register to comment.