Boyfriends/This Guy...

Former Member

So there's this guy in my college who I kinda like. But I've never had a crush on anyone before or ever had a boyfriend. Yes, that may seem strange for a 19 year old but its true, and I just don't know what to do. But seriously, i've never looked at anyone and thought, I want to be with him! It's just not something I would do...

He doesn't have a girlfriend and I've only become closer friends with him in the past month or so. I first met him on a college trip to Germany last year (2013) and hardly saw him when we got back. Now, I became friends with one of his friends (who I didn't realise that they were friends when we first met), and now this guy has started noticing me more. He's the sort of guy that hugs to say hello so I get to hug him without him knowing that I like him

He sometimes compliments me by saying I look nice, or he likes my boots, things like that. I just can't get him out of my head tho!!

But, I don't know what my parents would think if I got a boyfriend. How would I tell them? How would they react? Do I hide it first then tell them? Or tell them from the start? Besides, they think that I have no interest in boys, which was true, until now...

I just don't think he'll like me, I mean, non of my friends like me... they never text me or invite me anywhere... Plus I'm not attractive in anyway - never been called beautiful or pretty before, by ANYONE, not even my parents. And what if my depression gets in the way? What if we break up and my eating habits come back? I know this is a bit far ahead to be thinking of these things but, just what if?!

I'm probably writing a essay here but, its getting it out... I really like him. I talked to him once on Facebook but haven't had a proper conversation with him thru social networking sites - I was only saying happy birthday to him... And theres this other guy who I think likes me. He keeps asking me to places, which I presume would me like a 'date'... He asked me to go to LEGO land with him, asked me to go bowling with him, asked me to go to a concert with him... He's getting a bit much, and I'm not even sure if he does like me! If he'd just admit it, I could say that I don't like him, but no, he's being like that....

I don't even know what this guy I like is into. Music? Anime? Lego? Heavy Metal? Art? Sport? Nout idea. We could be complete opposites for all I know.

I guess, I'll just have to settle for his greeting hugs for now. I'm just glad to get it all out. You all probably have problems of your own so I'm gonna shut up now. Sorry for writing so much! :nervous:

Former Member

you will probably never know until you ask this guy out. You should do the same things that the other guy tries with you. Going out with you. Maybe not LEGO land the first time, but if he likes you, which might be, since he complimented you before (might also be that he's just friendly, but you shall find out about it), he will gladly come. You could also arrange like a bowling evening with your friend (who's also his friend) and ask him to bring XY along and have a group of like 4-6 people. It's a fantastic opportunity to talk to him and get to know him better and gauge if he is interested in talking to you etc.

About your parents thing: You are an adult and don't need to inform them about your choices. Don't worry about that now. If you should be going out with that guy eventually, then you can tell them, if you want.

About the other guy thing who is interested in you. Don't be unfair and leave him hanging. The mature thing to do is tell him that you are flattered by his invitations, but that you are not interested in being more that friends. That said, why don't you go with him and maybe see you can get a friend out of that? It seems you are short on friends anyway. If he cannot deal with just friendship, well you tell him that you are not looking for more and stop spending time with him.

But it is a good lesson on why you are upfront and earnest with people, because you wouldn't like it either if XY drags you along leaving you in the dark like that.

Former Member

I've always found a crotch-grab cuts through all the bluster. Grab his crotch, look him dead in the eye and say "this is my rifle, there are many like it but this one is mine". There's nothing sexier than a women who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go about getting it in a quasi-psychotic manner.

Former Member

Hi LottiePottie, welcome to the boards :wave:

It's nice sometimes to have a crush it can be exciting and new - but understandably it can be hard to figure out if they like you!!

StrubbleS's suggestion to try and go out as a group with your friend and his friend and others is a great idea. Like this, it can simply be a casual day/night out yet you get to spend more time with your crush and find out more about your interests and if you have things in common! Could you possibly try to organise this with your friend?

In terms of what the process is after (telling your family, dealing with depression and your eating habits) this will all come in time. If things work out eventually between you two, you can play it by ear and gradually explore how you feel and how you want to deal with it.

You say you are unattractive - but what about this other guy showing interest in you?! You obviously have something he likes and others will see that in you too! Seeing this more in yourself and believing in yourself can help you shine, and gradually feel more confident too, which is extra attractive.

In the meantime do enjoy those hugs and let us know how you get on :yes:

Former Member

So it's the first week back at college. This guy is arround at lunch and used to hang out with our little friend group. But ever since we've been back in, he's acting different towards me, like, he ignores me and even if he sees me he doesn't say hi or anything.

Have I done somehow wrong? I hope not, I feel horrible, I haven't been eating much through over thinking about it. I'm scared that I'm going to loose another friend and end up alone again. My crush has turned into a bit of a nightmare... I just want to be friends again, I don't even mind being friends and not dating at this moment in time (if we ever were to date that is).

James

Hi Lottie,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling horrible. The thought that you might have done something wrong must be really heavy on your mind. From what you've said in this thread, it sounds like there are a lot of 'what ifs' running through your head. While it's often helpful to think through lots of possibilities, it can also be pretty scary and prevent us from really knowing what the situation is.

So, with this guy, maybe he doesn't realise that you still want him as a friend? Have you tried saying 'hi' to him first for example? It might seem scary to do, but if he says 'hi' back or even starts a conversation, then that could help you understand how he feels. What do you think?

I noticed in your other thread that you said your friends sometimes ask you for relationships advice. If one of them came to you with this problem, what would you say?

I think what Christele said is really helpful too:

christele wrote: »

You obviously have something he likes and others will see that in you too! Seeing this more in yourself and believing in yourself can help you shine, and gradually feel more confident too, which is extra attractive.

Let us know how you get on

Former Member

Overthinking achieves nothing. Go talk to him. You will see if he is trying to avoid you, or if it's just the usual "I haven't seen a couple of my friends in some time and I spend time with them first, since you cannot spend time with everyone at the same time", or a "maybe I try some hard to get shit so this cutie comes up to me."

Don't come back before you haven't talked to him. This is all pointless.

Former Member

He didn't have any problem with me, he wasn't even aware he was doing it! But I think, until I get the guts to tell him how I feel I won't be getting anywhere. So I think I'll just stick to being friends for a while and hope for the best in the future.